We talked and listened to the radio. Luke’s car had all the stations, but we settled on 70s rock, which reminded me of the good times with my dad, when he would work on his greasy motorcycle in the garage and let me help out by handing him tools.
It turned out that Luke was really interested in science—who knew?—and he asked me a lot of questions about what I had been studying and working on. It was so nice to discuss it with someone again.
“You did all that as an undergrad?” Luke asked, when I paused in talking about my latest research.
“Well, no, I was in a grad program at Michigan.”
“For what?”
“Um, it was MD and PhD.”
“What do you mean? You were getting your medical degree and a doctorate at the same time?”
I nodded. “It’s a really cool thing. You end up with both degrees, and it’s free. I mean, you don’t pay to do it, there’s no tuition. You get a stipend and health insurance and housing. I was going to try to finish in six years and then work in a lab,not as a physician.” I closed my eyes. It would have been pretty cool.
“You dropped out?” I opened my eyes and saw that he was gripping the wheel, and leaning forward. “You dropped out to come home and take care of Cassie?”
“Not just her, Charlie too! Nana died,” I paused as my throat got tight and I cleared it. “When I came up for the funeral I could see something was wrong with Cassie. She didn’t look right…” I shook my head, remembering. Her skin had a yellowish cast to it, and she had lost weight. Cassie and I had gotten into a huge fight at the wake when I kept asking her if she was feeling ok, if she had noticed any changes in her body, or weird symptoms. I had known that something was off, even as she screamed at me, and Nana’s friends busied themselves making coffee and pretending they couldn’t hear us. “I called Cassie every day to nag her about going to the doctor, until finally she went. Then that doctor sent her to a specialist at Cherry County Hospital. She called me afterward, hysterical. I could hear Mike yelling in the background. He was pissed that she had cancer, like she had done it on purpose to inconvenience him. I came up for the weekend and I could see how it was going to go.” I rubbed my forehead and looked back at Charlie. “They weren’t taking care of him,” I whispered. “The house was a mess. Mike was leaving every night, going to every bar in the Lower Peninsula. Cassie wasn’t taking care of herself, not eating right. So I left my program, and then Mike took off for Lord knows where…” I raised my hands, then let them fall. “What was I supposed to do? She’s my sister. I owe her.”
“What do you mean, you owe her?”
I pressed my lips together. “Cassie’s mom, Loretta, took me in—I guess you know the story.” He was silent. Everyoneknew. “She took me in when I’m sure it was the last thing she had ever planned for her life.” Because who could plan for having your husband’s illegitimate kid dumped in your lap? “She didn’t just tolerate me being there—she took care of me. She brought me to church. She tried to teach me to cook.” I snorted. That hadn’t been a success. “When Loretta got sick, my dad was such a jerk. He acted just like Mike, like it was somehow Loretta’s fault! Nana and I tried to help her, and when she died I decided that I was going to go to school and figure out some kind of cure or something, so no one would ever have to die like that again, in so much pain, so frightened.” I had dialed back my expectation of finding a cure for cancer, but maybe I could have done something to help. “And then her only daughter got cancer too. I owe her,” I repeated. “I owe Loretta.”
Luke was completely silent. So far I had covered home repairs, Cassie, my Nana’s death, our money woes, Charlie’s neglect, my parents, and cancer. All that was left was to tell him about all the disgusting abuse at Roy’s. What was the matter with me? Maybe we could talk about global warming and the extinction of polar bears, or deadly diseases in Africa or something, just to lighten things up.
Charlie started making noise in the back. “Mommy…” he drawled out in a yawn. “I mean, Emmy?”
“What’s up, pal?”
“I’m hungry and I have to go to the bathroom.”
I shot a look at Luke. “So, now that he’s awake, you’re going to hear that about every five minutes.”
“Are we there yet?” Charlie asked.
“And that too,” I added.
Luckily we had plenty of Luke’s breakfast treats left to assuage his hunger, and when you’re a boy, the world is your toilet. No need to find a gas station.
Charlie kept the conversation going the rest of the way to the meet. Luke was very quiet, probably busy pondering why he had permitted Debby Downer and the Pee Pee Kid in his car. I was quiet too. For some reason, I had just told Luke more of my sad-sack story than even Tara knew. I looked out the window and willed my cheeks back to their normal shade of pasty pale.
Just before we got to the turnoff for the meet, I put my hand on Luke’s arm. His muscles tensed under my palm.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I didn’t mean to lay all that on you.”
“I asked,” he said shortly.
“No one asks to get that much crud dumped on them. I had a whole list of things I wasn’t going to bring up with you, and I think I hit almost every single one of them.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to tell me that stuff?” he asked, looking over at me as he changed lanes to make a turn into the parking lot.
“Because—” Because I wanted you to like me! “It’s just a little heavy on the way to a swim meet. Oh, there’s a spot!”
Luke expertly maneuvered his giant car into the parking space and we all hopped out.
“Charlie, stay with me,” I demanded, as I saw him inching toward the pool. “Put Danny Bob back in the car.” I picked up the heavy tote bag, but Luke took it out of my hand andswung the strap over his shoulder.
“Danny Bob?” he asked. “We were traveling with a country singer all this time?”
