“What about that woman at your job who caused the problems?”
“No, she’s not a bad person, either. I should talk to her like you did with Boris on the bus.”
“Would she want a bracelet?” Lyra suggested.
“That’s also a good idea,” I said, and she stared at me in the mirror.
“You look like you’re going to cry,” she told me, and now she sounded suspicious. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“I’m very tired,” I answered. She kept staring for a moment, and then she hopped up from the little stool at my dressing table and trotted into the hallway.
“Silas!” she hollered down the stairs.
“What’s up, Ly?”
“There’s something wrong with Camille but she’s not being open about her feelings.”
“I’m tired!” I protested. “I’ve had two horrible days at work and the rest of the week will probably be worse, and then I have the weekend to look forward to—the weekend of being stuck inan office with my boss while we try to salvage our company’s relationship with one of our biggest clients, and neither of us are responsible for the problem, but we’re going to have to be the solution. But I am responsible for the other thing I’m upset about.”
By this point, Lyra had skedaddled and Silas had made a slow path up to my bedroom door. I was now talking to him alone.
“I had a professor in college and he taught by asking questions all the time. It’s a law school thing,” I explained. “I keep hearing his voice in my mind asking who’s to blame, and I know the answer. I am. This is my fault,” I said, pointing at his poor face.
“You were the one that jumped me?”
“You wouldn’t have gotten jumped by anyone if I hadn’t forced myself into your life.”
“Excuse me? Holy shit, I sound just like you,” he said, and then he repeated himself in a higher octave and with more than a hint of a Kentucky twang. “Excuse me?”
“I’m to blame,” I reiterated.
“Nope.” He sat down carefully on my bed. “Yeah, maybe I’m a little sore. They were such idiots but when it’s four on one, you’re going to let a few things past you. How do you think you forced yourself into my life? The way I remember things, I was the one telling you that you had to come live here. I was the one who told you to let me handle that earwig you used to date. This,” he said, and pointed to his own face, “is my fault.”
“No, it’s not,” I said, shaking my head.
“I’ll tell you what. Let’s just blame the guys who actually did it,” he suggested. “What about that?”
“I’m really scared,” I said. “I keep thinking about you being hurt, and if Lyra got hurt?”
“Yeah, that’s what I think about. If someone tried something on Lyra, or on you…” He shook his head. “I would feel much better if you were here, not in some shitty apartment.”
“I would get a nice apartment this time.”
“Even so,” Silas said. “Even so, I’d be a lot happier if you would stay so that we can all be together. Come sit.” He put his arm around me when I sat next to him, and I leaned against his side. “That feels better.”
It did. I wasn’t sure of what to do next, or how I would forgive myself for what had already happened. But he was right, and this felt a lot better. It was so nice to be held by someone—anyone, really. I closed my eyes as I rested my cheek against his chest. He smelled so good and he was so solid and dependable. I didn’t mean his physique (although that was rock-hard) but also how you just knew that he was safe and steady. It was so lucky to have people like that in your life.
“Silas? Something’s wrong with the toilet,” Lyra yelled through the bathroom door.
“I’ll fix it,” he said.
It was my turn. Not just with the toilet, but with all of this. I had to do something.
Chapter 10
We had a table. We had chairs, dishes, and silverware. We even had a roasting pan.
We did not have a turkey.
