I can’t have sex with him.
Celena
Why not?
My fingers hover above the screen, ready to type out my reply, but words elude me. The usual arguments about ethics don’t seem relevant anymore. We’ve told the world we’re dating, and nothing has collapsed. I haven’t been given a scarlet letter to wear. Everyone assumes we’re having sex anyway, so…Why not?
Gray
I have to get back. I’ll call you later when I’m home.
Celena
Yeah or, you know…tomorrow. If you end up being busy.
I roll my eyes again but send a thumbs up emoji and shove the phone back in my clutch. I let myself glance at the message app just close enough to see that there are no additional texts from Drew other than the first two, and I already promised myself I won’t answer them.
The world thinks I’m dating Ash, so I can’t even consider dating Drew, which is a good thing. Even responding to Drew’s texts to remind him I’m dating Ash is just playing with fire.
It hits me that we told Drew at the club we were dating, and he still texted to say he missed me. Even if he hasn’t seen the news, he’s choosing to ignore I’m dating Ash, or he doesn’t believe it, and now I’m pissed.
I leave the stall, wash my hands, and head back to Ash, suddenly feeling reckless.
Chapter 18
Ash
I glance at Gray in the passenger seat of my car as I drive her home, and I can’t tell if I completely fucked up or if I’m getting laid tonight.
I clearly freaked her out when I threatened to finger fuck her in the restaurant, then I only made it worse by tickling her foot and nearly causing her to upset the table. She assured me she was coming back from the restroom, but part of me doubted it until she sat down again.
I’m completely out of my league with Gray. She’s unlike any other woman I’ve ever dated…or fake dated. I haven’t dated a lot of women, but most have been bunnies who fawned over me and wanted to show me off. Only two were different – the VP of a big insurance company and Grace – but even they imposed expectations on me, and it was one of the things that eventually drove a wedge between us.
Gray has seemed hell-bent on keeping her distance, and it was driving me crazy, but something changed about her since she got back from the bathroom. When we left after dessert, she pressed herself up against me as we waited for the valet, and I had to will my dick into submission so I wasn’t tempted to throw her on the hood and fuck her right there when my car pulled up.
She seems back to normal now as we head to her place, but I’m wary of saying anything.
I checked my phone while she was in the bathroom, and I had twenty-seven messages. Two were from Kelsier on our private chat, asking me how the non-date date was going. The rest were on the Hydra’s team chat and ranged from the benign – “Hope it’s going well!” – to the suggestive – “Should we tell coach you won’t be at practice tomorrow?” – to the outright lewd – “Did you fuck her yet? Send pics.”
God damn rookies. I’ll have to have a little conversation with some of them about text chain etiquette.
“You okay?” I ask Gray finally. It’s been several minutes since either of us has spoken, and I take a chance and lay my hand gently on her thigh just above her knee. She jumps, but I’m not sure if it’s because of my hand, my voice breaking the silence, or both.
Her eyes linger on my hand, and I almost pull it back when she finally looks at me and smiles.
“I’m fine. Just thinking,” she says. A pause, then, “I had a really nice time tonight. Thank you for dinner. That was amazing.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” I say. Three seconds roll under my tires before I add, “Look, I’m sorry if I freaked you out earlier. I just-”
“No!” she assures me quickly. “No freaking out. You took me by surprise, especially since this isn’t real, but I’m fine.”
My jaw clenches on instinct the way it does now every time she reminds me this isn’t a real relationship. If it’s so God damn fake, then why does it feel like the most real thing I’ve had in my life?
And it’s not just desire. Yes, I want to be inside her, to have her beneath me so badly it hurts right now, but it’s not just my dick that aches. I feel it in my stomach too. In my chest. In my fucking toes.
This isn’t a fake relationship, even if only one of us knows that right now.
I need to relax, though. Despite what Gray says, I definitely freaked her out, and if I don’t ease her into this, she’ll run for it. For one, I’m a little kinky in bed, and I don’t want to scare her off.
