“Walker, please. I can’t do anything about last week. I can only handle what’s happening now.” Eden’s hands went to the top of my desk, and she leaned toward me. “So, I’m telling you,get away from the family, get away from the restaurants. Get away from all the demands that are thrown on you every day. Go to a place where you can completely unplug and escape.”
“And breathe,” Colson added. “When the hell was the last time you did that, brother?”
Not since we’d launched our company many, many years ago.
But that wasn’t the case for my siblings. They did plenty of breathing. They went into our pretty corporate office every day—or played in the NHL, in my youngest brother, Beck’s, case—and had their fluffy meetings about expansion and menu colors and fucking wall decor while I carried the weight.
While I bore the mounting pressure.
While I was expected to do better, to provide more, to be the best.
“When was the last time you let me breathe?” I walked toward my desk and picked up the stapler—a sight that had been pissing me off since I wanted to throw it at Colson’s throat—and I hurled it toward the wall beside me. The plastic banged, causing a decent-sized hole. I waited for the relief to come, and when it didn’t, I barked, “I can tell you right now, a vacation isn’t what I fucking need.”
I stared at my sister, my eyes narrowing. “You, out of all people, know what the darkness feels like. So, you, out of all people, should know exactly what I’m going through right now.”
“Jesus Christ,” Colson groaned. “Walker, what the hell do you want us to do? Eden told you to take two weeks off. Do you want to hear her say you can quit? If that’s the case, get that out of your head right now because she’s not going to. None of us are. But you need to calm the fuck down and watch the way you speak to her.”
I released a loud breath as I glared at my brother. “Whatthe hell am I supposed to do with two weeks off? Sit in my living room and watch TV—something I haven’t done in ten years? Stare at my kitchen when I can’t stand the fucking sight of it? Or drink until I can’t physically take another sip?” My hand clenched, and I had to force myself not to throw anything else from my desk. “Besides, it’d be temporary. In two weeks, I’d be right back here, dealing with the same shitstorm, as if I’d never left.”
I wanted to love my life again.
How do I make that happen?
How do I explain that to my family without quitting everything we’ve built?
And would quitting give me the feeling I want, or would it create an even bigger void?
“You want to know how much I love cooking?” I lifted my hand, holding my thumb and pointer finger together until there was only a sliver of air between them. “This much.”
“Walker …” Eden whispered.
“Our family has taken that love away from me.” I paused. “Somehow, you need to help me get it back.”
Eden stared at me silently, the emotion thick in her eyes even though there weren’t any tears. “I have an idea. Give me your phone.”
“What?” I challenged.
“Your phone, Walker. Hand it over.” Her fingers extended toward me.
I couldn’t imagine why she wanted my cell, but I didn’t have the patience to question her, so I set it on her palm.
“What’s your password?” she asked.
I rattled off the six numbers, and she tapped the screen multiple times.
Colson watched from over her shoulder, his face full ofshock, even more so when she gave the phone back to me and said, “I just installed the Hooked app.”
The Hooked app?
Some used it to find their spouse. Others for just fucking.
But if you were open to dating or marriage or only sex, this was more than likely the app you used.
I didn’t have time for any of that bullshit.
“Why the fuck did you do that? The last thing I want on my phone is a hookup app?—”
“You want to find your love for cooking again? Then I need you so far away from it that you don’t even remember how to do it.” She came over to me and put her hands on my shoulders. “You’re not going to sit at home, alone, watching TV, staring at your kitchen, or drinking until you end up in the hospital.” Her expression softened. “If you’re in the darkness, like you say you are, then I’m pushing you toward the light.”
