“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“You’re not in high school anymore.”
“No, I’m not. I’m fifty pounds heavier than I was back then.”
He chuckles. “I noticed that but didn’t want to mention it.”
“I’m still in great shape, old man. Check this out.” I take my right hand off the wheel and flex. “See that?”
He lifts the sleeve of his shirt on his left arm and flexes it. The amount of muscle he still carries around is mind-boggling. He might not remember where he parked his car, but I bet he could damn near bench press it.
“Talk to me when you’re my age,” he says, thoroughly enjoying himself. “Of course, I’ll be dead by then.”
“What the fuck?” I ask, laughing.
“What? I will be. There is no sense in pretending I’m going to last forever. You know you’re going to die too someday, right?”
What’s happening here?“Yeah, but I’m not sitting around thinking about it.”
“Oh, to be young and dumb again.”
I throw up my hands and try to fight another laugh. I’m not sure whether to banter with him like we always have, or if that will make him more argumentative. The last thing I want to do is bring him back to Mom, ready to spit nails.
We drive for a few minutes in silence. Dad eventually dozes off, snoring lightly beside me. The sound reminds me of the way Gianna sounds when she finally falls asleep around two in the morning.
I miss her. I miss her giggles, kisses, and the random shit she gets herself into. I miss her love of food, her attempts to learn football, and her blow jobs. I miss holding her, walking by her office to drop off a drink, and coming up with new ways to make her smile.
And I’ve warred with myself a million times since Sunday on what to do about it.
Do I go to her and plead my case again?
Do I give her the space she needs and hope it doesn’t take years for her to realize I’m the one for her?
Do I try to be her friend like I was pre-date and see if I can win her trust like that?
I’ve always believed that the universe would put the woman for me in my path. Surely, if Gianna is truly the love of my life, the universe will put us back together.
I hope. God, I hope.
GIANNA
Clouds roll across the sky, covering the sun and cooling the air. The weather report said rain, but I didn’t have an umbrella at the office and didn’t want to run home to get one.If I were truly prepared, would I be me?
Besides, if it pours on me while I’m out here, at least my parents will recognize me and know that I haven’t changed.
The thought puts a sad smile on my face.
The cemetery lawn is soft, and I had to take my heels off so they wouldn’t tear up the ground. Also, so I didn’t break my neck.
Their headstone is in the back, a shiny black stone with their picture etched in the front. It was Lucia’s idea, and I went along with it. I think it gives her peace somehow to see them memorialized in granite as a happy couple for eternity.
Pretty red flowers fill the grave vases on either side of the stone. They look nice. Watching the plastic petals flutter in the wind causes my chest to tighten.
I squat in front of it and dust off the ledge. I don’t know why I’m here; I never come here. But today it just felt necessary.
The bridge of my nose burns as the wind picks up, and my bottom lip trembles. I haven’t cried over my parents since the day of their funeral.Why am I crying now?
“Hey,” I say. The word triggers a sob to escape my throat—one I didn’t realize was waiting in the wings. In an instant, tears fill my eyes, and I find myself unable to see anything around me.
