But letting Jace murder them makes me complicit. I looked them up. I provided their locations and information. I knew what would happen when Jace went to speak with them, and I stayed behind in this motel room and waited for him to finish the job. If anyone finds out, what will they think of me? How will I explain that I let a hitman execute people on my behalf?
Because no one's going to believe for a single second that my access to the CRIP files and Jace's murdering spree are entirely separate. All it takes is one person who's seen us together and the whole thing blows up. I end up in prison. Jace gets the death penalty, and Bryan will finish the job anyway, including Ham-dog, who thinks he's safe right now.
Jace moves to the bed and sits beside me, close enough that our shoulders touch. We have somewhat of an understanding between us now, that whatever happens, we're in this together. I've stopped fearing whether he'll kill me when he finishes the rest of the list. I think that fell off when Everette said goodbye to us at that hotel. But I just don't know if Jace is the sort of man I can lean on.
"I just don’t know how I'm going to avoid prison. Won't they connect me to these murders?" The words scrape out of my raw throat and I feel broken. "I'm the one who looked them up. I gave you the information you needed to find them. When this is over and Bryan is stopped, how do I live with what I've done?"
He reaches over and touches my hand, brushing his thumb over my knuckles, but it's not comforting. He can't give me answers because he doesn’t have them. He's a cold-blooded killer. He doesn't feel anything when he takes a life. But I do. And I don't know how to live with that.
"I keep telling myself they deserve it, but it doesn't make me feel any better." My throat still feels just as raw from crying. "They're supposed to have a trial, you know?
Jace releases my hand and shifts on the bed, moving so that he faces me fully. "Look at me." His thumb and forefinger pinch my chin and he forces me to look him in the eye. "These men destroyed lives. You didn't make them monsters. Bryan did. And Bryan's the one who put them on this path by hiring me to kill them instead of facing the consequences of his actions."
"But I'm letting you do it." Tears spill down my cheeks, and I want to look away but I can't. It's like Jace is the only one whose absolution I need. "I'm sitting here knowing what you're doingand choosing not to stop you. That makes me responsible. That makes me guilty."
"No." Jace cups my face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away the tears that continue to fall. "No, I don't believe that. You are doing the right thing, Sabine. You can't stop me and what I'm doing without risking your own life. Alright? I'm making this choice, and you have nothing to do with it. If they come at you for this, I'll tell them I put a gun to your head, okay? You're not guilty of anything but being the one to stand up to that sick fucker."
His words melt through the guilt and the fear, and I feel something shift inside me. He's right. I tried to do this the right way by reporting the rape, and I was ignored. The system that was supposed to protect me has turned against me, and now I'm forced to rely on a hitman to keep me alive and help me find justice.
Jace pulls me onto his lap, and I go willingly, letting him arrange me so I’m straddling his thighs with my arms wrapped around his neck. I rest my head on his shoulder and he hugs me closer to his body. It feels safe to be like this with him, though confusing at the same time. Doesn't he know I can't fall for a hitman?
Once all of this is said and done, we have to go our separate ways. I can't be with him, no matter what my heart or body feels when he's around me. Reality won't tolerate a criminal like him and a soldier like me sharing the same space and future.
"You are safe with me." His voice rumbles up through me, and I blink back more tears. "I'm going to make them all pay for what they did. Every single person on that list who hurt you or covered for Bryan or committed crimes overseas. They'll faceconsequences for their actions, and you'll get the justice you deserve."
"What happens when we finally confront Bryan, then? Because he's not going to go down easily." I sit up, looking him in the eye to see the same determination that's always there.
"Then I'll make him pay too." Jace's hands tighten on my waist, pulling me closer until there's no space between us. "I'll make sure he understands exactly what he's done and who he's hurt. And when I'm finished with him, he'll wish he had never heard your name."
"Jace, you're not God…" I search his eyes for some spark of recognition or acceptance. What he's doing is immoral. He's going to get caught.
"Baby, I don't make mistakes or leave evidence. You don't have to worry about my getting caught." It's like he can read my mind somehow. "And I don't know… Maybe when all of this is over, I'll retire. You know, stop killing people for money."
The corner of his lip curls up into a half smile, and I lean down to press my forehead to his. For so long, I've felt unsafe in my own skin. Jace changed that. I don't know how to tell him that he's made it possible for me to finally leave fight-or-flight mode and be calm and at peace. It's all I've wanted since the moment Bryan assaulted me. Now I have it, and I don't want to lose it.
"I want to be close to you…" I say, burrowing my head against the side of his neck.
"You're literally on top of me." He chuckles, but I press a kiss to his pulse point.
"Jace," I whisper as I place another kiss on his skin, and I think he gets the point. His hands grip me harder and he shifts slightly.
Jace’s hands slide from my waist to the hem of my shirt, fingers slipping beneath the fabric to trace the skin of my lower back. His touch is warm, but he pulls back just enough to look at me.
“Take this off for me, Sabine.” He's gentle as he tugs, and I like the way he speaks softly. “Let me see you.”
I reach for the bottom of my shirt and pull it over my head in one motion, letting it fall to the floor. His gaze drops immediately to my chest then lower, taking in every inch of exposed skin like he’s memorizing it.
“Fuck,” he breathes. “You’re so goddamn beautiful.”
He leans in and kisses the hollow of my throat, slow and open-mouthed, then drags his lips down to the swell of my breast. His hands move to my back, unhooking my bra with one hand while the other grips my ass and pulls me harder against his body. The straps slide down my arms and he pulls it away, tossing it aside.
“Look at these,” he murmurs, cupping both breasts in his large hands, thumbs brushing over my nipples until they harden. “So fucking perfect.”
I arch into his touch without thinking and a soft sound escapes my throat. He smiles against my skin, then lowers his mouth to one nipple, sucking gently before flicking his tongue over it. My fingers dig into his shoulders.
“That’s it,” he mumbles against my skin, “let me hear you.”
He moves to the other breast, giving it the same slow, worshipful attention while his hands slide down to the waist band of myshorts, pushing it down. I lift up slightly so he can pull them off along with my underwear, leaving me completely bare on his lap.
