My heart actually ached. He’d come across as such an arrogant, cocky, entitled guy that I’d never imagined there was such pain underneath.
“Offspring are precious gifts to orcs. The loss of my siblings only made it more important for me to take my duty to have orclets of my own very seriously.”
I let go of his hand and fiddled with my wine glass. “I hope it’s more than duty that drives your desire to have children.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
Pausing a moment to collect my thoughts and words this so it wouldn’t sound accusatory, I replied; “I’m sure it’s just a language thing, but children deserve to be more than a duty. I meant that I hope you want to have them because of the joy they’ll bring to you, and the love you’ll give to them. I hope when you think of your future, that children and your family are an integral part of that life, not just a check in a box of what your duty requires you to produce.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw. I shifted in my chair and drank a gulp of wine. Had I offended him? Had I ruined what until now had been an incredible date? I asked, because having kids just out of duty was a red flag for me, and I didn’t want to be the girl who ignored the red flags anymore.
“I don’t know.” He picked up a roll and started tearing it into small pieces that he dropped onto his plate. “Until I left home I never envisioned my future with a wife and offspring. I knew I would have those things. Of course I would marry. Of course I would have orclets. I just never thought beyond that.”
Things. He’d called a wife and children “things.” How red could that damned flag get before I stopped torturing myself with this guy.
Before I could reply he tossed the mangled roll onto the table and sighed. “I never expected to have any choice in who I wed. Or in children. Or in my life at all. It’s painful to imagine a future that is beyond your control, so I just don’t bother to imagine it.”
And once more I felt my heart break for this orc.
“If you weren’t born a prince, what would you be? What sort of future would you dream of?” I asked softly.
He shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I loved spending time down at the docks when I was little. I’d go to the markets andwander among the stalls. I’d look at what the merchants were selling and think about where the goods came from, if they’d been produced locally or came from far away on a boat.”
“Captain of a ship?” I suggested. “A merchant who imports and exports? One of the sellers with a stall of exotic wares from far away?”
He bit his lip, his smooth, white tusks even more visible. “A harbormaster. Or maybe a stevedore.”
I burst out laughing. “How do youknowthat word? It can’t possibly be in your language app.”
The boyish, slightly shy smile he sent my way set my heart to thudding in my chest.
“I learned it by going to the harbor in this city and by talking to the humans who work there. It’s fascinating to see how you humans move such a volume of products through the port, and all the mechanisms you use. Everything is organized and efficient. I wish we could implement something similar back home. It would reduce costs, reduce waste and breakage and misplaced shipments. And it would allow us to move more goods through our kingdom.”
I blinked, astonished at the enthusiasm in his voice. “Okay, so maybe you can’t be a harbormaster or a stevedore, but you could update your harbor and your logistics processes. I mean, you’re royalty. Wave your hand and make it so.”
Eng sucked in a sharp breath. For a second I thought he might begin decimating another roll. Instead he picked up his fork and looked around as if he were hoping the waitress would arrive with our food and end this conversation. No such salvation came, so he put the fork down and slowly shook his head.
“I don’t have that level of authority. As a prince, I only attend ceremonial functions. That’s the limit of what I am allowed to do.”
Sweet Mary and Joseph. The guy had a title and money, but that was it. He had no place in his kingdom’s governance. He had strict rules about who he would marry, if he had children or not. I’d take my tiny studio apartment and alarmingly small bank balance any day over that.
“Tell me about whatyoudream of for your future,” he said with a strained smile.
Yes. Time to pull this date out of the depressing murk we’d stumbled into and talk about something light and happy. Which would not be my financial situation or my fears about my career’s longevity. Or about my habit of falling for the wrong men.
“Well, I love my job, but I’ve decided it’s time to try and expand beyond teaching classes and being a personal trainer at the gym. I enjoy helping people reach their fitness goals, whether that’s being able to walk up the stairs without being out of breath, or breaking four hours in a marathon, or keeping up with their grandkids at the playground. Honestly, those things make me really happy, but someday I hope to work with a sports team and help them win games, maybe even reach a championship.”
Our appetizers arrived, but after a quick bite, Eng asked me to tell him about my favorite clients. Then he asked what sort of sports team I might want to work with. Afraid to jinx my chances with the Tusks before I even pitched the owner, I told him I wasn’t sure.
“And how about family?” he asked as the waitress removed the empty plates. “You told me before about the sort of male you want to be with, but do you want marriage? Offspring?”
Now it was me hoping the arrival of our entrees saved me from answering, with the same lack of luck.
“It doesn’t have to be marriage, but I do want a relationship with someone I love, who loves me back. Someone who wantsthe same sort of things in our lives. I’d like if that led to marriage, and I think I would like to have children someday, but all that feels…kind of far off.”
He tilted his head and regarded me with curiosity. “Why does marriage and offspring feel far off?”
I squirmed. “I haven’t had the best of luck dating so far. No one yet has worked out long term. Heck, no one has worked out more than a couple of months. I’d like to see what an actual relationship felt like before I start thinking of a wedding and kids. You know, a committed relationship that lasts long enough to think about moving in together, or meeting each other’s family’s and spending holidays together first?”
