Stephanie nodded. “I’m all about good sex, but I do want more than that at this point in my life. I hope your date tonight is an absolute blast though.”
Me too. “I had to break things off with Dean though, sincewewere supposed to go to dinner tonight,” I confessed.
Stephanie sent me a narrow-eyed glance. “You cancelled the date with Dean, or broke things off completely?”
“The latter.”
The werewolf groaned, throwing her hands in the air. “Willa!”
“I know! I know!.”
She sighed. “I get it, really I do. From what you’ve said this booty-call dude is gorgeous, has a body made for lifting SUVs and sin, and he’s all about mutual pleasure in the sack. He’s damned irresistible, but maybe youneedto resist.”
“I keep saying I want to find a good guy and settle down, but then I go and do something like this.” It truly was as if Stephanie were my confessor-on-a-treadmill. “Maybe settling down and getting married isn’t what Ireallywant, though. It’s what my grandparents and parents have. It’s what my brothers and sisters have. That doesn’t mean I have to want the same thing out of life as them. I’ve already forged my own path in my career. What if I forge my own path in what constitutes an ideal relationship as well?”
Stephanie’s head swirled toward me, one eyebrow lifted. The girl never broke stride as she raced top-speed on the treadmill.
“No, hear me out,” I argued. “I’ve got my family. I’ve got friends. My social life is full, and I love my career. What if I just want amazing sex with a hot guy and don’t need anything else from him? What’s wrong with that?”
The werewolf’s second eyebrow rose to the level of the first one. “Then why are you going out to dinner with him tonight? If amazing sex is all you want, then why not say no to the date and hang out with your nieces and nephews instead?”
Because deep in myheart I’ve always wanted to be someone’s princess.
Stupid, stupid me. Dinner with Eng was as far from a ring on my finger as a handshake was from a sweaty night in the sheets. I was going to get hurt. Again. But I never seemed to be able to resist throwing myself heart-and-soul at the faint possibility that I might have mind-blowing passion, companionship, partnership, mutual respect, adoration, and love all in one package. I would probably die without finding that unicorn, but I’d never compromise. And in the meantime, I’d enjoy my family, friends, career, and all the great casual sex I could find.
“I want to see if this might be more than just physical attraction between us.” Stephanie might be my confessor, but this was all I could admit to her right now.
“Believe me, I understand that hopefulness. Tell me what a good date with this guy looks like, though. One that ticks all your boxes.”
I felt like a boulder had lodged in my gut. Slowing the speed on my treadmill, I took a moment to really think about what an ideal night with Eng might be, outside of the incredible sex, that is.
“We talk about his childhood, his family, what his future looks like. His job, and where he wants to go with his career.” I hesitated. “I tell him about my family, how much I love them and how important they and my friends are in my life. I tell him about my job, my hopes and my fears.”
“You’re able to be vulnerable to him?”
Stephanie’s voice was sharp and I winced, knowing where she was going with this.
“I’d love to trust someone enough to be vulnerable with them—someone outside of my family and friends, that is.”
She nodded. “Go on.”
I imagined my opening up to a man, telling him how I worried I’d die alone. My friends drifting away as they married, had kids, and moved into a life so different than the one we shared now. My family growing old, my grandparents and parents passing away, my siblings paths diverging from mine as their children grew, went to college, and had families of their own. My job shrinking as my body grew old and became unable to tolerate the level of athleticism my current client list required.
It was like theEleanor Rigbysong by the Beatles, and my breath caught at the thought of such a lonely end.
Stephanie punched the stop button on her treadmill and hopped on the rails, fully facing me. “Knock it off, Willa. I see where your mind is going and I’m calling bullshit on the whole doom-spiral. Werewolves live longer than humans, and we remain physically strong far longer than humans as well, but that doesn’t mean we don’t go through the same phases of life and anxieties that your people do. Plenty of shifters remain single their entire lives, or are single through divorce or from the death of a mate. It doesn’t mean those people die alone. We have community and extended family, and you do too. Yes, there are plenty of us who withdraw and choose to live alone, but they still are a part of their pack. Solo shifters belong to a geographic pack. Grizzly-shifters, the most solo of us all, check-in with each other and attend an annual communal fishing event even if they need to travel across state lines. Your family will always be there for you, no matter how different your life-choices are. Your friends as well.” She reached out to lightly punch me on the shoulder. “And there’s no getting rid of me, girl. We sex-crazed, bad-choices, athletic women gotta stick together.”
My vision misted over with sudden tears. “Thanks.”
Stephanie nodded, hopping back on the belt of her treadmill and dialing it up to maximum speed once more. “Go on that date. Talk his fucking ear off about your life, your hopes,andyour fears. If the only thing that comes of it is great sex, then so be it. But if there’s a glimmer of something else? Grab that bitch and hold on tight, because sometimes we only get a quick moment to make the decision of a lifetime.”
I sped up my machine as well, although not to the level of the werewolf’s, and took heart in her speech. I’d be thrilled with more of the great sex I knew Eng and I were capable of.
And if I caught a glimpse of something more? Then I’d thank my lucky stars and grab hold of that with both hands.
17
WILLA
