“It’s more complex than that. I know how it must look. But I’m not her plaything and she cares deeply about the kingdom and Ardens,” I said eventually.
Katrina scoffed.
“Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it. And here I thought you were something special,” she said, and began to walk away from me.
I reached out and took hold of her wrist.
“Hey, what do you mean by that?” I asked her.
She looked away from me and huffed.
“Look, we’ve all heard of you. The nobody who the queen-to-be fell for. The loved slave,” she laughed. “It sounded like a fucking fairytale. I just thought—I don’t know—I thought you would be different. I thought you would be something more. I thought you would use your place at her side to help people like us.
But maybe you’re just as bad as them. The nobles. Taking what they want, higher and higher taxes, not caring if we have jobs or a future or if we starve to death.
You don’t care. You just keep repeating it’s more complicated, she’s does care,” she repeated in a sickeningly high, mocking voice.
“Bullshit! It’s all bullshit—unless there is evidence to back up your claim. You’re nothing like I thought you’d be,” she told me, and pulled her wrist easily from my hold.
I was struck speechless and watched as she stormed away.
What had just happened?
The whole interaction had been tense and insulting, and it left me feeling anything but calm. I didn’t know if I was angry or outraged, or sad, or scared.
What she said wasn’t true, was it? I did care about people, and so did Selene. I mean, sure, Selene was harsh and strict, but that didn’t mean that she was cruel and careless.
We were different—different backgrounds, different people—so we both cared, we just showed it differently.
Why did it bother me so much that I had let someone I didn’t even know down? Why did someone I didn’t even knowhave expectations of me in the first place? Why did I have to be responsible for helping other people? Why was that my duty? Why had she placed it on me? Did others expect something more of me? Was I a let down to everyone?
I continued to walk down the corridor and stopped at the first set of double doors I found, seeking daylight. The corridor I was in was dark and shadowy, lacking sunlight, and I wanted a window. I needed the light to clear my head, as if the sun would also brighten my sudden dark mood.
I pushed open the doors and was surprised to have found a library. Ceiling-high bookcases lined three of the four walls, and a ladder attached to a bar at the ceiling allowed access to the top shelves.
Smaller bookcases filled the centre of the room, along with two separate study desks, and a couple of old green armchairs sat under large windows at the back of the room.
The library seemed to be in good condition. I ran my finger along the edge of a bookshelf and found no dust.
Even though it was midday, the sun was already beginning to dim, yet it hit the windows at an angle to create a solitary beam of warm light, and I stood in that light, basking like a cat.
I missed the spring and summer.
I wished for winter to hit fully so that it would pass and bring with it the growing warmth and brightness of spring. Everything wouldn’t seem too bad with spring’s colours.
Spring was nature’s joy, the birth of the new. But the old had to die first.
After I had absorbed as much sunlight as I could, and the beam lost its heat, I moved to one of the armchairs, curling my feet under myself.
My mood was still low. Katrina’s accusations repeating in my head.
I hated it.
I hated that someone wanted anything from me. I wasn’t anyone to offer anyone anything. I was just me. I was just a nobody. She said so herself.
I didn’t have power. It wasn’t fair to expect me to try and—and—I didn’t even know! To try and control Selene? To try and affect her decisions? To do what?
What did she even want from me? I was just one person. I wasn’t even a pureblood. And even if I was, I was a Flores witch. I was so harmless that others laughed at me.
