“Oh honey,” Tally said, setting her burger down and putting her arm around me. “Things are intense right now. And this was your first hookup. If you don’t want to do it again, you don’t have to. Chalk it up to a learning experience. And who knows? Maybe she’s going to knock on your door tonight. You didn’t actually talk to her about it, so you don’t know what’s going on in her head.”
That was true. This was the problem with having sex with strangers. You didn’t know enough about them to know where you stood without asking. And I didn’t want to ask. The only thing worse than thinking that it was more intense for me than it was for her was hearing her say it out loud. So yeah, I was going to treat this as an experience that I’d had and maybe after some time I’d try out again.
Don’t fuck your neighbors, kids.
Chapter Ten
Mal
She wasright on the other side of the wall. More than once that day I’d caught myself pressing my ear up against it to see if I could hear her voice.
Like some kind of stalker.
A few times, I’d thought about going over and knocking on her door and asking how she was.
My apartment was quiet, with the exception of the soft music I kept playing most of the time. I tried to keep myself busy by alternating cleaning and napping, but every time I looked at my bed, I remembered how she’d looked when she’d been in it.
I’d washed the sheets and everything, but I swore I could still smell her hair on my pillows.
I wish I’d gotten her number. Sure, I could walk next door and literally ask her for it, but how desperate was that? I didn’t do that.
Getting on with my day after a night of excellent sex was proving to be more difficult than I imagined, and I didn’t like it.
My intention with Gray had been to have a night we both enjoyed and then send her on her way, but…
I couldn’t stop thinking of what we hadn’t done together. Of what she might look like if I had edged her even more. What if I’d had a whole day with her? Just barely touched her and teased her for hours until she was a sobbing wreck and begging me until her voice was hoarse?
What if I brought out every single toy I owned and made her test them all and rate them?
But we’d both been clear that it was a hookup and she hadn’t said anything about meeting up again, so I was going to respect that. No matter how much it hurt.
The next week was hellish.It was finals and I couldn’t wait for winter break so I could catch up on my freelance work. I’d tried not to take on too many projects so I could have an actual break this year, but of course I hadn’t listened to myself and had overcommitted.
In between the moments when I wasn’t thinking about work, I thought about Gray. What was she up to? Was she thinking about me? Every time I left my apartment, I paused for a second in front of her door, considering knocking.
I never did.
Somehow I didn’t bump into her either, which seemed like some kind of sign. It was a sign, right?
“It’s a sign, right?” I asked Corinne that Friday when we were able to meet for a very brief lunch in the hospital cafeteria. I had already talked way, way too much about my night with Gray and I knew Corinne was getting fed up with me yapping without taking action, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
She took her scrunchie off her wrist and pulled her curls back from her face. Oh shit, this was getting serious.
Her brown eyes were intent as she leaned forward.
“You know I love you, right? You know that you are my best friend, my ride or die.” She waited for me to nod. I could already feel myself gearing up for what she was going to say. I wanted to slide under the table and hide.
“I love you, but you have got to talk to her instead of thinking about talking to her. You’re not going to know what she’s thinking unless you ask her. And it’s not like you have far to go. Knock on her door. You’ve been obsessing and it’s not healthy.”
She leaned back and smirked at me.
“Fuck.” I sighed. “You’re right. I know you’re right.”
She sipped at the last of her iced coffee. “Of course I am.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“What are you afraid of? Lay it out.”
