“See you tomorrow, PT,” I said. If she was gonna use a nickname, I was going to use one too. She cracked a smile before I checked to make sure I wasn’t going to get hit by a car and got in.
Lea gave me a little wave as I buckled myself in and checked my mirrors.
Tomorrow.
* * *
The day had takena lot out of the kitties, so once we were home, they were more subdued. I left all of their stuff near the door, taking down my ponytail and raking my hands through my hair.
I wish I could have just hung out with Lea again tomorrow, just us and the kitties, but I’d agreed to the party and I couldn’t back out now.
I took a shower and then braided my hair so I’d wake up with waves. My color was starting to fade, so I’d need to touch it up before the wedding. I was happy with it, and that was saying something. It just felt right for me when I looked in the mirror.
After my shower, I did some social media scrolling, saving a few funny cat videos that I might want to send to Lea. We would message back and forth, but I didn’t want to be one of those people that just sent twenty videos in a row, desperate for her reaction to every single one.
Instead, I had a Lea folder and just put everything that made me think of her in that. There were over 200 videos in it as of now. Conclusion: I was thinking about Lea too much.
No surprises there. When I wasn’t buried in work, I was thinking about Lea. It had almost become my second job. Clocked out of my narration jobs and clocked into my Lea thoughts job.
I’d never been this obsessed by anyone. I’d never let myself get obsessed with anyone like this. Before, anytime I’d stamped out any kind of crush or feelings so harshly that there was no recovery. I’d teach myself to hate the other person. And I couldn’t do that with Lea. Depriving myself for so many years meant that now I was desperate for her. Every look, every moment was turned up to its highest setting.
The only way to stop it now was in an epic way and I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to. Wanting her was the strongest emotion in my body right now. It dominated everything else. Why couldn’t I have what I wanted foronce?
Yes, I did have the career I wanted, and I had my house, but my motivation for that had been spite. Fuck, most of my life was spite motivated. Find whatever would piss off my mother the most and then do whatever that thing was. Find a way to push her buttons, always.
That was the reason I’d asked Lea to come with me to the wedding in the first place. Spite again.
Feeling this way about Lea had nothing to do with that. She was an elemental need. Like air or water or food. It was so…real.
And I had no idea what to do about it.
So I stayed up late and had my Lea thoughts and did my best to live with it.
Chapter Nineteen
Lea
Through the whole day,I kept wanting to check in with Vail, to find out if she was still coming. Parties with people she didn’t really know weren’t her thing. She’d been social in school, but my gut feeling was always that she didn’t enjoy it. When she’d come home she’d have a smile on her face and the second the door closed, she’d drop it, like a pair of dirty socks on the floor. Her shoulders would slump, and she’d take a deep breath. She didn’t know that I’d seen it. I’d noticed.
I sent her a message about an hour before the party was due to start. She responded right away.
Just finishing up here. I’ll be over in about thirty minutes?
That gave me a few minutes to get dressed and make sure my apartment was as clean as I could get it and to freak out a little beforehand. Plenty of time.
The minutes got away from me and before I knew it, Vail was arriving with the kittens.
“Hi, hi,” I said as I opened the door. “Hello, little ones.”
They were just as angry as they were yesterday when they came over, desperately clawing at the mesh of the stroller.
“You just don’t like being contained, do you?” I said to them as they blinked up at me.
“We’re having a day,” Vail said, rolling her eyes, unzipping the stroller and letting the kittens out.
“It’s okay. They’re allowed. Hi.” The last word was directed at Vail.
“Hey,” she said, giving me a soft smile. “How’s it going?”
