She still comes.
That alone knocks the breath out of me.
I lead her a few steps away from the porch, into the side yard where the motion light isn’t as bright, but still gives enough light she can see my face. It’s quiet here. Just us. Just the ache between us. I hear movement behind me. Glancing over my shoulder, I see Milton shift like he wants to follow, but Lincoln catches his hoodie and shakes his head.
I turn toward her. Her hair is messy, and her cheeks blotchy from crying. Her mouth trembles as if she’s bracing for a hit.
I take one long breath. If I don’t say this now, then I never will.
“I messed things up,” I start. “With you. With Benton. With myself.”
Her eyes widen, the faintest twitch in her jaw. She’s listening.
Good.
“I haven’t done right by you. Not since the night we met. Not since you fell asleep on our couch. Not even today, when you thought we went behind your back.” I place my hands on my hips because if I don’t ground them somewhere, I might reach for her too soon. “I let the shit I’ve been carrying for years get in the way. I didn’t mean to. But that’s the truth.”
She swallows, and her throat works around the motion like the words are caught there.
“Why?” she asks.
It breaks me because I know she’s not asking why I messed up. She’s asking why she wasn’t enough for me to try harder. Why wasn't she enough for me to trust her with the truth from the start.
I step closer to show her the sincerity in my eyes as I say the next words.
“Because the moment I realized I was falling for you, everything in me panicked.”
Her breath catches.
“I haven’t trusted myself since Gina. You know some of that story. Not all of it. She played games with me and Benton. Manipulated us both. Lied to each of us about the other. I walked into a relationship thinking she cared about me. Benton walked into one thinking she cared about him. She used us against each other and walked away clean. It made us both look like fools.”
Bayleigh’s brows knit together. “That wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe not,” I say. “But I let it rot inside me. I let it control everything. I let it make me think the world would fall apart if I cared about someone again.”
A sound leaves her, something tiny and tight, and she presses a fist to her chest like she is trying to hold herself together.
I keep going. I owe her this.
“When I heard your voice, it did something to me. Something I didn’t know how to handle. It was this punch of softness and strength, and I felt something in me pull toward you before I even had time to think. Then you hugged me. And everything in me… snapped. In a good way. In a terrifying way. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to be the one you trusted. I wanted everything.”
Her breath is shaking now. Her eyes shine.
“But the second I wanted you, I panicked, and I fell right back into old habits. Instinct took over. Fear took over. All that bullshit I thought I had dealt with came clawing up.”
She sighs, small and hesitant. “You hurt me. You should have told me about this meeting. So I was at least prepared. Seeing it was like a slap to the face.”
The words land like a blow.
“I know,” I say quietly. “I know. And I am not expecting forgiveness tonight. I just need you to understand that it wasn’t because I didn’t want you. It was because I wanted you too much and didn’t trust myself not to ruin it. And we kinda thought it would be a fun surprise to tell you we’re a real pack now. Themeeting…we just wanted to get it over with and turn them down. What we told you is the truth.”
A tear slides down her cheek. I reach up, slow enough for her to see my hand coming, and wipe it with the back of my knuckle. Her breath trembles.
She doesn’t pull away.
I steady myself.
“There’s something else,” I say. “I need to talk to Benton.”
