As much as she hated to admit it, she was disappointed in Mr.Darcy.He had behaved in the haughty manner she had first seen from him—his unwillingness to bend his neck for another’s comfort, his absorption with nothing but his own concerns.He could have participated in her conversation with his aunt, or directed it to more appropriate topics, or said something that made his aunt understand she was his choice, and he would not stand for her being treated rudely.He had hardly even met her eyes across the table to show his support!
In short, she had felt abandoned by him.She had received more comfort and support from Sir Daniel, a seventy-year-old man who had been a stranger to her until tonight, than from the man who proclaimed to love her above all others.
Was this what she had to look forward to if she married him?Uncomfortable dinners with unpleasant people, Mr.Darcy silent and uncommunicative, watching the clock to see when they might politely leave?Would they keep company with dissolute people, acceptable because they were wealthy and titled, above her own dear relations?She could not help but remember how Mr.Darcy had slighted her uncle when they first met.She had not thought he valued rank above character, but tonight made her question her presuppositions.Did she wish to tie herself for life to such a man?
It was a disturbing thought, indeed.
“Mrs.Gardiner, might I walk with Miss Elizabeth in the garden?We will not be long.”
Darcy’s low voice in the entryway startled Elizabeth.Her fingers stopped untying the ribbons on her cloak and she looked to her aunt.
“You may, but do not tarry overlong.”Mrs.Gardiner gave Mr.Darcy a hard look, and a more compassionate one to Elizabeth, before following Jane up the stairs.
Jane had not said a word since they left the drawing room at Hopewell House, and Elizabeth knew she was confused and upset at how the evening had gone.If Jane were any less kind, she would have been offended by the earl’s behavior.As it was, Elizabeth was offended on her behalf.It stoked her anger anew, and she followed Darcy to the garden with heat in her steps.
“I must apologize for my family,” he said simply once they reached the darkness of the garden and the door had closed soundly behind them.
“Oh?”
He ran his hand over his face, then behind his neck.She saw he was greatly agitated, but his distress was nothing to Jane’s hurt, and what compassion she had for him was quickly extinguished.
“My uncle was entirely out of line.He should not have behaved as he did towards Miss Bennet.He was rude and insulting.Such behavior should have been beneath him.I will be making my apologies to your sister as well.She did not deserve such treatment.And then my cousin, in his cups…” Darcy sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.“They were utterly unseemly, in every possible way, and I cannot apologize enough.I am ashamed of their behavior.”
She nodded, not knowing what to say.She walked further into the garden, occasionally looking up at the stars.
Darcy followed her.“And I am sorry my aunt harangued you so.I knew she would question you, and I imagine you expected it as well, but I had not thought it would be so…” he trailed off, lost for words.
“Thorough?Invasive?Demeaning?”
“Elizabeth,” he said brokenly.
“I must admit, I was impressed she could still think of things to ask me in the sixth course.I had thought we might move on to other topics.Fashion, art, our favorite ices at Gunter’s.Anything would have done.”
He looked at her with such a pathetic expression she nearly relented.Then she remembered how many times she had tried to catch his eye and found him staring over her head.
“You did not have much to say for yourself.”
He rubbed the back of his neck again and let his hand drop uselessly to his side.“I did not, and that is another thing for which I must apologize.You know conversation has never been a strength of mine, though I have never lamented it as much as I did tonight.You were right at Rosings when you admonished me to practice.Had I done so, I might have known how to mitigate the disaster taking place around my aunt’s table.”
Her heart was not so hard that she could ignore such genuine contrition.“Fitzwilliam,” she said softly.His gaze met hers so hopefully that she softened a little further.“Why would you not even look at me?I thought you were angry with me, or ashamed of me.”
“Of you?Never!I was ashamed, but not of you.”He took her hands eagerly in his.“My aunt, though she did not display herself to advantage tonight, is generally a decent, kind woman.Her husband I could not vouch for—he is a difficult man and stuck in his ways, but he is seldom in residence, and she seems to prefer it that way.I had hoped that she would wish to know you, as she is aware of how important you are to me and we have always had a friendly relationship.”
She squeezed his hand as he shook his head and looked away.
“She asked me not to interfere in her conversation with you—to allow her to speak to you unaided.When I questioned why she would wish it so, she said if you are to enter our circles, she must know that you can handle the ladies of the Ton.She said if you cannot handle a simple dinner party with my relations, how could you be expected to grace the drawing room at Pemberley.She wished to have a clear view of your character and disposition before agreeing to sponsor you in society.I stupidly gave her my word that I would absent myself from the conversation.”
“Why would you agree to such a thing?Did it not sound suspicious to you?And what do you mean, sponsor me?”
“I had thought that if the ladies in my family were friendly with you, it would go some way to easing your entrance into society, and then you would not be lonely when we must be in Town.I had thought their acceptance important.”He scoffed and shook his head.“I have been an utter fool!Elizabeth,” he said earnestly, bringing her hands to rest on his chest, “please do not lose faith in me.I know tonight was wretched in more ways than I can enumerate, and I know it must have caused you to reconsider whether you wished for a life with me, but I promise you I will never subject you to such again, and I will do my utmost to step in when anyone attempts to treat you as my aunt has done, regardless of my promise to them.”He shook his head at himself.“I should never have made her such a promise!”
He pulled her so close their bodies were touching from knee to chest.He leaned down and rested his forehead on hers.“Please do not break with me, Elizabeth.I could not bear it.”
She took a shuddering breath.“Very well, Fitzwilliam.”
She could think of nothing more to say, and it was not the time to discuss how to avoid such situations in future, nor could she say that it was forgotten, for Jane’s hurt, embarrassed face would not leave her mind.
They stood thus for several minutes, until the chill began to seep through her cloak.
