After a brief silence, Sally spoke up. “You’re a good man, Nolan. Any woman would be lucky to be with you,” she said, just as their meals arrived.
He felt gutted, filleted like a catfish, flopping in his death throes at her feet. Any woman, but not her? Couldn’t she see by now that he didn’twantany woman? He wanted her, dammit. He didn’t comment, instead forcing his attention on the plate of food he no longer wanted. He could feel her curious gaze on him, no doubt wondering what she’d said to upset him. He refused to look up, knowing if he did, his mouth would open and things she didn’t want to hear would spill out as if the floodgates of a dam had opened. He was a fool to think he could romance her into believing they could be more than friends. She’d been clear as day about what this was between them. He only had himself to blame for hoping for more.
They finished dinner and began the tense walk to their vehicles. He was still kicking himself for not forcing the issue of picking her up, which would have given him more time with her. Even if he didn’t have enough nerve to do more than stare at his feet as they walked. He didn’t recognize himself right now; he wasn’t normally a shy, bumbling guy. When he was attracted to a woman, he could be persistent and charming, wooing her off her feet and into his bed. At least it had been that simple with Brooke. Sally seemed to erase all his confidence.
“Nolan?” Sally questioned him softly, slipping her hand into his as they walked around the corner toward the parking lot. He looked up, surprised at her touch. “What did I say?” Her voice wavered slightly, sounding unsure and maybe a little hurt.
“Oh, darlin’.” He stopped walking, pulling her to a stop in front of him. He lightly caressed his thumb along the back of her hand. “You didn’t do a thing. I’m just… don’t want to upset you or pressure you. Sometimes you make it hard for me to remember we’re just friends. That you don’t want more. Even if I do.” This was as close as he’d allowed himself to get to confessing his growing feelings for her.
She stepped closer, bringing her hands up to rest on his chest. “Nolan, I’m…” It was her turn to be at a loss for words. She let her head drop forward, resting against his collarbone. The scent of her filled his senses and her soft hair tickled his cheek and neck. He brought his arms up and around her, hauling her firmly against him. Her soft curves molded to his harder, larger frame. She fit him perfectly, like a key in a lock.
Unable to stop himself, his hands rubbed up and down her back, loving the feel of her and taking advantage of the opportunity to touch her. “It’s okay, darlin’. You don’t have to say anything.” He spoke softly near her ear, his breath ruffling her hair.
She raised her head then, the look in her gorgeous eyes nearly stopping his heart. The tip of her tongue came out, licking her lips slowly as her eyes fell to his mouth. “Nolan.” She whispered his name again, tilting her face upward to him in a move as ancient as time itself.
He slid his hands back over her shoulders and moved to cradle her face gently in his palms. “I may not get another shot at this, so I’m gonna do it right.” Swiping a thumb along her lower lip, he tilted her head to the side and fitted his mouth against hers. Sensation shot through him from his mouth on down, hardening his dick instantly, painfully. She tasted incredible, like spice and cherries. Which shouldn’t taste as good as it did, but there it was. He deepened the kiss, drawing her even tighter against his body, letting her feel his desire for her. She threaded her fingers into his hair, moaning into his mouth as their tongues slid along one another. Moving his hands from her face, he fisted one in her hair and settled the other on her lower back, just above that luscious ass of hers. He bent her back, groaning as he continued to kiss her. He didn’t want to stop, not ever. He could live on her lips for eternity.
She pulled back slightly, gasping for air. “Oh, God.” Using her hands in his hair as handles, she pulled his mouth back down to hers. Her forwardness surprised him and delighted him in equal measure. Not willing to let her keep the upper hand, he spun her around, forcing her backward until her backside came in contact with the side of the building. He kissed his way down her neck, licking and nipping along her skin like he’d been dying to do for months now. She tasted as incredible as he’d imagined, more so even. So soft, so silky, so pliant.
“Sally, baby, I need…” His voice trailed off, the words too hard to force out. His head was spinning with lust and need. His blood thrummed hot through his veins as he ground himself against her core, lifting her right leg over his hip to get even closer. Soon they’d be fucking against the wall, right there on the sidewalk, and he couldn’t bring himself to care. His thoughts dissolved into single words. Need. Skin. More. Hot. Wet. Warm. Lips. Breasts. Oh, lord, her breasts. He grasped one, the lush flesh overflowing around his fingers and heating the skin of his palm. Her gasp of pleasure drove him to return to her lips, wanting the sounds he forced from her to fall into him. Squeezing her breast, he thumbed the firm nub of her nipple through the fabric of her dress and bra. It was so hard, he found it easily, even through the layers of her clothing.
Her head fell back against the building, pulling her mouth free from his kiss. “Oh, Nolan.” She moaned, arching her body into him.
“Sally.” His voice was gruff, full of need and want. “Let me… come home with me.” He nearly begged. He was so hard, he could feel the teeth of his zipper digging into his cock. Gripping her leg behind her knee, he pulled it even higher, grinding himself against her harder, loving the moan that spilled from her throat. Her hips jerked against his own in response, and he knew, with absolute certainty, making love to her would change him forever.
“Okay. As long…” she moaned as he thrust against her again, loving the way she responded in kind. “As long as you’re okay with us just being friends. You know, friends with benefits.”
He froze as if she’d thrown a bucket of ice water on him, his ardor cooling immediately. “What did you say?” He pulled back, letting her leg down and stepping away from her.
“Nolan, I want you, but I don’t want a relationship. We’re adults. We can have sex and enjoy each other without a commitment.” She said the words casually, as if she were placing a food order.
“No.” He couldn’t believe the word had come from his mouth. He was a fucking moron, turning her down, but the fact was, he wanted all of her or none of her. “No. That’s not okay with me. I don’t want you as a fuck buddy. I care about you. I won’t cheapen the feelings I’m beginning to have for you by sleepin’ with you but not datin’ you. Either we date, be arealcouple, or we’re nothin’. I can’t…” Frustrated, with her, himself, and life in general, he tugged at his hair, backing away from her. “I can’t be that for you. I need more. If all you want is a willin’ cock, I’m sure you can find one between here and Tupelo.” He kicked himself even as the cruel words left his mouth. He was hurting, his pride was bruised, so he lashed out at her.
“What an asshole thing to say!”
“You’re right, it is. But I’m not takin’ it back or apologizin’ this time. You’re worth more to me than a roll in the sheets. I hoped you thought the same of me. I don’t go around kissin’ women and nearly fuckin’ ’em against a wall on the regular.”
“Oh, and you think I do? Are you calling me a slut, Nolan?”
He winced, her words a punch to the gut. He’d never think of her that way, but he was so angry and hurt right now, he couldn’t voice a denial.
“I see. So, it’s a couple or nothing, huh? Well, Nolan, I guess we’re nothing.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and stomped away from him. Again.
“Well, shit.” Scrubbing his hand over his face, he headed to his truck. Alone, frustrated, and pissed at both Sally and himself. He’d taken the hottest kiss of his life and ruined it, hurt Sally, and dragged their friendship through the mud, all for his pride. “Damn stupid fool!” He winced as he heard the tires of Sally’s Mercedes squealing out of the parking lot. He climbed into his own vehicle, put it in gear, and roared away. Back to his empty house and empty life.
Chapter 19
The next morning, I wake up with the embarrassing memory of my encounter with Nolan running through my brain. Instead of a love hangover following a night of satisfying sex, I’m sick to my stomach, frustrated, and unsatisfied. I want to be angry with him, but it’s not like he turned me down because he isn’t interested or that just wants to lead me on. Why does he have to be so damned honorable? I suppose I’m just going to have to live with the fact I screwed up royally and ruined the best friendship I have in Green Springs. I check my phone for texts and there’s nothing but radio silence. So much for hoping Nolan changed his mind. If only he knew he’s the one man I feel safe with and trust to touch me.
How is he supposed to know that, though? It’s not as if I’ve told him anything about how I feel, about what I want, or why. I’ve kept him completely in the dark and then was pissed when he reacted in a way I hadn’t anticipated. The hurt and disappointment in his eyes last night were hard pills to swallow. Guilt sours my already upset stomach. What must he think of me? I should reach out to him, but I’m too nervous. I don’t want to hear any more about his judgment of me. I reflect on the words we exchanged. He didn’t come right out and call me a slut, but he implied it and then failed to correct me when I called him on it. Anger begins to override my guilt and I welcome the sensation. I’m a grown-ass woman and a successful business owner. This is the twenty-first century. I’mnotgoing to feel guilty about my sexuality, dammit! Screw Nolan and the high horse he rode in on! Nodding to myself, I get up and prepare to face the day. I don’t allow myself to think about our standing coffee date that isn’t happening now, or the texts I won’t be sending or receiving. He’s the one who owes me an apology, I tell myself. Maybe if he comes to his senses and reaches out, I’ll listen, but I will not be the one to reconnect. Despite the pep talk I just gave myself, I still feel like crap.
Chapter 20
The weeks have turned into months as I settle into a predictable routine of running the shop and spending time with family. The days and nights have been long, hot, and lonely, as I experience my first summer in the south. I’ve managed to avoid running into Nolan, which hasn’t been easy in this small town, and it appears neither of us is going to make the first move.
Fall has arrived, and, with it, a new girl in town, Meg, who was just in the shop looking for a dress to wear to Green Springs High’s homecoming dance. Seems she has a date with one of the assistant football coaches. Sandy and Barbara Jeanne have already informed me it's a family tradition to attend the football game and everyone in town will be there. Not sure how I feel about that, especially given that Meg seems to think something is going on between Nolan and me. How the hell would she know about us? They say news and gossip travel fast in small towns, but jeez, she’s only been around for a few weeks, and Nolan and I haven’t spoken in months.
Shortly after Meg leaves with her purchases, Barbara Jeanne shows up. Normally upbeat, she seems nervous about something.
