I will literally light myself on fire.
Mala Meyer
No worries. I’ll bring marshmallows.
Nisha Arora
You are all the actual worst. Fine. I’ll be there. Now stop texting me. I’ve reached my daily quota of your idiocy.
Kavi Case
You can’t get rid of us, no matter how much you want to.
Nisha Arora
Sort of like a yeast infection.
Piper Menon
That’s right. We’re persistent, irritating, and unforgettable.
Nisha Arora
Ugh. See you at brunch.
seventeen
nisha
This Will Be A Day Long Remembered
Five Weeks Later
“Remind me again why this mutant beast has a dildo in his mouth.” Cradling his dog, Sapphire, in his arms like he would a newborn, my dad flicks a bangled hand condescendingly at Bob, who’s currently parading through Dad’s living room with my talking Darth Vader vibrator clutched between his massive jaws like a stick.
“Give yourself to the Dark Side.”
My face flames. “He . . . found it.”
“Mom, what’s a dildo?” My eight-year-old nephew, Rome, squints in Bob’s direction.
He’s seated beside me at the dining table, where my sister is serving him Dad’s famoussamosas. Usually, Troy and his daughter, Pearl, also join what has now become monthly get-togethers at Dad’s house, but she just recently started swimming lessons, so Troy took her there.
Sarina swivels a glare at me as if I’m responsible for the impromptu sex-ed talk. I mean, technically, we got the damn things forherbachelorette party. And technically, it was Piper’s idea. But sure, blame me for graciously accepting a gift.
Seated across from Rome, Piper snorts before breaking off a piece ofnaanto hand to her almost one-year-old daughter, Ariana, who happily accepts the offering from her highchair.
With her dark hair and eyes and fair skin, she is the perfect combination of Piper and Dev. He also couldn’t make it today because, apparently, even on Sundays, billion-dollar empires don’t run themselves. But the sass and the non-stop babbling? Those are all Piper.
“Want to expand on that story, Neesh?” Piper asks, taking a forkful of hersamosaand dipping it into the tamarind chutney Dad made. “How, pray tell, would Patton’s dog have found and claimedyourdildo? Oh, and while you’re at it, why don’t you also explain how that dildo replaced the previous item he used to walk around with . . . your bra.”
If looks could kill, my eyes would have shot her dead. But I’m not able to hold my aim long because Bob chooses that moment to shake his head, like he’s trying to strangle the damn vibrator to death, making Vader wheeze out his signature heavy breathing.
“Hhhhooo. Haaahhhaaa.”
And just like that, I wish I hadn’t accepted this lunch invitation or Patton’s request to help him take care of his lunatic dog while he left town for a day to tapeThe Tonight Show.
My dad, never one to let a moment to embarrass his daughters go to shame, pretends to clutch his pearls. “Is there something you haven’t told me yet, daughter? Are you keeping me in the dark?!”
