“We were born in Starlight City, and that’s the very reason she hated it and its people. We were orphans, and we don’t know what happened to our parents. I searched for any records of us, but the time we were born was not good for Starlight City after a recent Vian attack. I was a year older than my sister at the time, but she would have been days old. Many were killed over that weekend of attacks; several hospitals were the targets, and if our parents had Elly there and brought me to visit, it’s likely they are dead and we were lucky to survive. There was just us, our awfulfoster parents, and our plan to escape Starlight City the moment we could. I loved my sister so very, very much. Even though I was slightly older, she was always in charge and told me as much when it came to any decision making.”
She smiles softly at the memory. “Her hatred of Nexus, of Starlight, was the only thing we disagreed on. Just because we grew up with most of our kind and had the scars to prove it, did not mean all Nexus were cursed or evil. When she got a mate at the ceremony, she wasn’t happy. Your father did everything he could to make her happy, but it was a fight, and in the end, he lost. What happened to my sister warped her mind so much that paranoia and darkness were all she saw. After losing a child, that was it for her. The trauma cracked her open, and there was no fixing it. It was like she was a ghost, walking in the body of my sister, and I didn’t know how to get through to her. Your father was so scared of her running off with you alone that he didn’t dare say anything. I do believe if she had made a slightly different choice and brought both of you here together, then perhaps it wouldn’t have ended badly and her mind wouldn’t have been lost. I look at you now and I see that you probably ended up with the childhood we both once swore our eventual children would not have.” She touches my arm as so much clicks into place about my childhood, about what my mother was like and why my father always did what she asked. “Promises made by kids who wanted a good world, and only one of us kept that vow. I didn’t have children because this city became my promise. Do you understand?”
“I’m beginning to.” I nod, covering her hand with mine. “Thank you for telling me all of that. My parents died before I could ask them these questions, and they never got to see the me that I am now. They only ever saw me scared and on the run.”
“Do you forgive them?” she quietly asks.
I think back to the mirrors, and I know deep down in my heart I do. They made every bad decision and fucked everything up for me over and over, but I truly believe that they were trying to protect me. They did something wrong, but they were trying their best in the only way they knew. The mating ceremony should never have happened the way it did, and the drownings should never have happened. The life on the run, the hunger of missed meals, and the coldness of the floors I slept on. The life that I did not ask for and that the parents I loved were meant to protect me from. But holding onto this hate, this bitterness, will only end up turning me into the parents I don’t want to be like. I’m choosing to forgive them for myself, for the peaceful life with my own soul that I want in order to thrive. That’s enough for me to forgive them. What’s the point in hating the dead when hate only taints your own soul? “They know I do.”
Her eyes well up as she lowers her hand. “Will you consider spending some more time here when you can? I’d like to think of a future where I can spend time getting to know you and seeing you grow. I want you to have hobbies that don’t involve death and darkness.”
“I’m sorry, those two are quite attached to my soul,” I joke. “But yes, I’d like to spend time here too.” With her. My aunt. I have some family left…and she isn’t all that bad.
“Good. It’s likely everything’s going to be destroyed in the near future.” She smiles.
“That’s a bit of a morbid joke, isn’t it?” I laugh.
“You’ll learn that I like making them the more you get to know me. Where do you think you got your dark humour from?” She glances at Finnegan, who has moved away. “I best speak with your mate before I go. May the Gods be with you.”
May they not. I want to pray to the stars now; I might have more hope from them. Annie comes over when my aunt has left, dressed in purple ranger clothes and a sword on her back. Theymatch my own, and I much prefer the black on us. “You okay?” she asks.
“Not really,” I admit to her, because there aren’t many I would tell it to. “I don’t want to take my mates there when the Vian king could hurt them. I feel like something bad is going to happen.”
“But you’re still going to go for Finnegan.” She hugs my side. “Whatever happens, it will be okay.” I rest my head on hers, looking across to see Onyx watching us. I know he hasn’t told her yet, and it’s not my place to either. I know it will be hard for Annie to hear the truth about who her father was, when she really didn’t like him and he kept trying to kill her best friend. He was also creepy as fuck. I’m glad both Onyx and Annie seem to have inherited everything from their mothers.
Issan walks up to us and Annie goes tense, moving to straighten up. “Go away?—”
“I’m coming with you and wanted to make our leader aware.” Issan cuts her off. “The decision is not yours to make, Annie.”
She narrows her eyes and clenches her fists. “Fuck off.”
He smirks. “No.”
The tension between them makes me want to step back, but Annie’s hand is tight on my arm. My aunt comes to stand in front of us both. “Ah, I’m glad you decided to go with them, Issan. He might be some kind of defence as he can shield extremely well against attacks.”
“It’s not a choice. I am leading the soldiers going in. I’ll meet you there, Miss Autumn.” He goes and gets into one of the other helicopters, and Annie glares at his back until he is out of sight. I look between the two of them, realising something that I probably should have noticed before. There’s something there, and I make a mental note to ask Annie about him later. I have to be nosy.
“GWEN!” Finn shouts, holding open the door of the helicopter we are using. I smile at my aunt before jogging over to Finnegan with Annie. We both climb in and Aleksander hands us headphones, which we slide on to stop the loud whooshing from deafening us. Annie takes the solo seat near the front, and I go to sit in the back seat, and Hollis quickly slides into the seat next to me before Finn can get there, so it’s just us two alone. Finn glares at him, and Hollis winks back. A low growl echoes through the headphones, and I shake my head at them both.
Aleksander sits next to Finnegan, and Onyx sits in the seat alone by the door. Winking, smiling, this is all new for Hollis, and I like it. Everything changed between us in that pool, and I wonder exactly how he is going to distract me for the next swimming lesson. I shiver at the thought.
When the helicopter goes up into the air and begins our long journey, I pull out Rhodes’s letter. I know I need to read it, and I need a distraction right now. Hollis doesn’t say a word as I open it up next to him, light pouring in from the dying sun outside. I’m glad it’s him sitting next to me as I read this. The truth is, I’m desperate for something from Rhodes and to know what he is doing. I can’t trust him, and I’m not sure where it leaves us, but this separation is hard because the Rhodes before the betrayal had a hold on my heart. That hold is still there, and I can’t erase him completely. He’s written quite a bit.
Gwenieve,
I write this as I sit in my rooms in the Vian king’s cold palace. I’ve just watched him torture three Nexus men for no other reason than he was bored, and it was entertainment to the court of Knights, all of them ancient and cruel beings that I pray you never meet. Palace life here is cruel, and every day I’m thankful that you’re not here, that you’ll never get to see this life, the one I was born into. I will stay hereat the king’s side, pledging my hate for you out loud for his ears, pledging that I am going to take you down and finish the Morrigan my king fears. All the time watching him, knowing that if he turned his back, I would slam my sword straight into his heart and end his pathetically long life. I will always be looking out for you, always fighting on your side, and praying for the king’s downfall. The king is still secretive with me, but I hope this changes soon.
I was born as nothing more than a soldier to be used for fighting and one day to breed him new commanders to replace me. He gave us a long life span by linking our lives to his blood, making him our leader whether we wished it or not. For an embarrassing amount of time, I believed the lie that his blood in us made us unable to refuse his command. I know it’s a lie now. All of the Vian king’s commanders are the same. We don’t know our mothers, and we are beaten out of having feelings, out of wanting anything more than to serve our king. In truth, I thought any feelings that pattered in my chest were nothing but annoyances for a long time. It took many years to snap me out of that feeling.
I know you must have thought of the animal sanctuary and what was going on there now you know who I truly am. The sanctuary was also a hiding place for any abused women, men or children in the city who wanted to get out and escape. We gave them new lives with humans, hid them, and sometimes I got rid of their abuser if it was possible to make it look like an accident.
My foster mother ran a similar home in the Vian city, and I found helping the weak addictive. I like seeing them happy and free of fear. It’s how I knew what you’d been through without a word; it was all written on your face, in the way you held yourself. Your parents or the Vian or someone hurt you when you were on the run. I wanted to make youfeel better. Did you know I had never bought anyone a gift before until Nibbles? I was so nervous waiting for you to see her and see what you thought. You saw Nibbles exactly the same way I saw you. A little broken, but beautifully kind, and it only took love to fix.
The Vian king doesn’t see what is right in front of him, how many of his court despise him and want a different future. He doesn’t understand what love is and how it cannot just simply be taken, stolen and disappeared. You might be my mate, but that was never what made me love you. It was you, Gwenieve. It was your love of helpless animals, it was your smile at the weak boy in class who everyone else would have given up on, and it’s your brightness against the darkness and your laugh when you feel so hopeless. It’s the way you looked at me by the truck. I fell like a stone into the sea for you, and I will never stop sinking. I don’t want to stop, even if you never wish to be mine.
The king believes that loyalty is stronger than love. Oh, how wrong he is. I thought the same until I met you.
My mate.
