“I know.” He groans softly, moving me back a few inches onto his knees. His next words are like ice being poured over us both. “There’s been more reports from Starlight City if you want to know them.”
My heart stops just for a second before I take a deep breath and nod. “Yes. I want to know what the death toll is. I want to know everything because it will just make it easier.”
“Easier for what?” he asks. He grips my chin when I try to look away.
“To face it. To face the death I caused and what it has done to me. It won’t be easy, but I want to know every detail so that I never forget what I am fighting against. What they did.” I cover his hand with mine. “I’m so angry, Finn. Aren’t you? Rhodes and Hollis have been pretending since you were teenagers. How old were you when you met?”
“We met at the mating ceremony when you were fifteen, and I wasn’t much older. It was the first year I began my assassin work, and I was looking for a reason to exist. I did think they looked older, but some people do, I guess. We were all bonded over how much we wanted to find you; how angry we were over you. I spent countless hours with them and never suspected a thing. They’re hundreds of years old.” He shakes his head, hurt flashing in his eyes.
It kills me to see him hurt. “It’s about time those hundreds of years ended, because my Nexus and I are in a rare agreement. We are hunting the king, and then I’m hunting them. They don’t get to survive betraying me like this. The twins handed me over to the Vian king, knowing that he was going to use me to slaughter thousands and kill me. They were going to let me die. Georgina carried on holding on to me, and I would have destroyed the entire world—every city, every human life, every Nexus. All that would have been left would have been people with Vian blood, and that’s it. The war would have been over. I would have been dead, and they just let that happen. They just stood there. I’m their mate, and they did that to me. I know I hurt them first at the mating ceremony, but I was a scared fifteen-year-old girl. They have had hundreds of years of life and still made this mistake. If it weren’t for Severi… I was wrong about him.”
Finn frowns, and I don’t blame him. We have spoken only once about how Severi saved my life and his, so I continue, “Severi’s on our side. He didn’t just save me; he explained everything. It was his father using his body to torture me. It was never him. The times that he was cruel, it wasn’t him at all. I thought he had a really strange split personality—but it was his father. I’m sure there’s more to be figured out, but Severi has been warning me about this for a long time. He asked me to come with him. He tried to get me out of the city again and again. He knew. He went against his entire race for me.”
“Then he’s one of us,” Finn commands. I can tell he’s reluctant—he’s not a huge fan of Severi—but he saved Finn’s life and mine. He is my mate, the mate to my Vian side, apparently. I’m still processing everything my Nexus told me and how I’m half Vian at all. “When do we leave, mate?”
I lean closer, tucking my head into his neck, and he wraps his arms around me. I can hear his father and sister moving aroundin the cabin, and Nibbles’s tapping feet as she looks for me. “Tomorrow.” I brush my lips against his neck. “But right now? I’m starving and need a shower.”
He smiles at me softly, and in one movement, he stands up with me like I weigh nothing. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he carries me into the warm cabin.
“I got up early, and I slow-cooked a chicken stew with sweet potatoes. I knew this was the day you’d come back to me. To the world.” He closes the door behind him. “And for dessert, there is chocolate cake. I’ve never made it before, so be nice.”
I grin, tears forming in my eyes. “You cook and you agree to come with me on a mad plan, not even knowing the details? Damn.”
Nibbles barks in excitement, circling around us. “You’re my mate. I’ll follow you anywhere, Gwen.”
I wince. “You may regret saying that, considering I’ve made a plan, and it’s crazy dangerous. We might die.”
He laughs, and I love the sound as it bounces around the room. “I’d be disappointed if it wasn’t, at this point. I’m with you no matter what.”
Chapter
Two
“We’re going to miss you,” Feyre claims, her breath foggy in the morning light. She rubs the side of her arm. She looks pale, and none of us like it. I don’t know the full extent of her sickness, only that she needs regular treatment, and Finnegan says we have a few months before we need to find a Nexus healer in one of the cities to help her.
Finnegan is speaking with his father, who is holding Nibbles on a lead. Even with her limp, she tries to get to me. I look away before I change my mind about leaving her here. Nibbles will be safe here, and I will come back for her when this is over. Feyre is still talking, and I focus. “Good luck and keep my brother safe, please. He is strong and takes all the responsibility on himself, but I know he needs someone at his side. That’s you. He loves you. I’m going to pray every single day to the Gods for you both.”
“I’ll do everything I can to fix this.” I nod. Starlight City was her home too, with her friends, who are likely all dead now.
“Hey.” She touches my shoulder. “Don’t look like that. That guilt? It isn’t yours. You know it’s not your fault, right?”
I can’t answer that because it still feels like it is my fault, and it always will be. I’ve run from who I am, I’ve trusted the wrong person, and I’ve hurt so many because of it. Finn watches me even as he speaks to his father, his eyes saying everything.We will be okay.“I can’t agree with you, but I can try to put some things right.”
Feyre unexpectedly hugs me. My arms hover at my side for a second before hugging her back. “May luck and the Gods be on your side, Gwen. May the stars watch over you.” She backs away and goes to hug Finn next. Finn’s father nods at me, and I return it. He’s been a bit wary of me, and I don’t blame him. I’ve destroyed half of the city he grew up in and loved. He looks at me like exactly what I am—the most dangerous thing walking this planet. I guess I can claim that title, even if it was something I never wanted.
Finnegan comes over to me after a moment with his sister, and we climb into a truck that Finnegan used cash to buy from the junkyard at the nearest town. We can’t take the car we came in, just in case they know to look for it. But if they start asking around, we also don’t want them to have any leads to find us, so he paid more for them to not ask any questions and, hopefully, keep their mouths shut.
I close the rickety door as Finn gets into the driver’s seat and starts the loud engine. It will be a miracle if this junky truck makes it down the road. Finnegan seems to have some trust in it though, and he knows more about motors than I do, luckily. It’s about a two-hour drive, and most of it we drive in silence, just sharing snacks and drinks.
“I’m going to say it just once—I don’t think this is a good idea,” Finnegan murmurs, parking the truck outside the large sign for the forest. It’s a word in Welsh I couldn’t pronounce if I tried, and it has twenty-odd letters in it. The sign itself is weathered and rusting, half-falling off the pole, and ivy hascrawled up it. “There’s a reason humans don’t come anywhere near this forest, and my Nexus isn’t sure. He wants to grab you and run.”
“Well, I’ve been in there once—no, wait, twice—there was one time when I went on my own to grab a spell about a year after my parents’ death. But the first time, my mother took me when I was young.” I stare at the forest, like I can see her now. “She woke me in the middle of the night, when Father wasn’t there, and told me to be silent. I didn’t speak a word as she parked right outside the forest, and we walked into it. I was terrified, but my mother wasn’t. She held her head high, her shoulders tense and her Nex weapon in her hand, hidden under a black cloak. She didn’t hide me.”
“Why?” Finnegan questions. “Why bring a child to a place like this?”
“Well, we visited all the black markets on occasion, but it was always with my mother only. My father forbade her from going, so she would drug him or take me when he was out and couldn’t stop her. He was always so angry, and their arguments lasted weeks after.” I shrug a shoulder. “My favourite one is in Scotland, and I took Alek there…to save Rhodes.” I clear my throat. “But there’s one in London and there’s one in Wales. There’s many in Spain that are incredible, with creatures so ancient they shouldn’t exist, but they do. I don’t think the Nexus has great control over everyone there, but this one in Wales is slightly different. It’s known as the worst, but we need spells, things to keep us protected, hidden from the Nexus and its magic trackers.”
“We need to become untraceable,” Finnegan agrees, his eyes on the forest. “And for the record, your mother shouldn’t have brought a child here. If I had a kid, I’d never…” He drifts off, his body tense, like he is imagining how scared I must have been. The black markets were nothing on my childhood, not comparedto the worst things they did to make me strong. Maybe one day I can tell him all of it. That’s not today, though.
