“Pai. I don’t drink. I haven’t touched alcohol in a very long time. I don’t even take over-the-counter painkillers. Beau, the man who owns the bar, he’s my sponsor. I go there every Wednesday after my meeting to wind down and collect my thoughts. I’ve been sober for over threeyears.” I swallow the lump in my throat, making it hard to breathe. We’ve wasted so much time. “I met Alice there, actually. She doesn’t drink either. I thought she did, and I wanted nothing to do with her at first, but anyway, that’s another story.”
“Doesn’t being at a bar tempt you to go back to your old life?” he asks incredulously.
“Nope.” My answer is immediate. “Alcohol was never my drug of choice, which is why it was so easy to give it up. Beau runs a tight ship, and while he’s an addict himself, he gets that people who aren’t addicts sometimes need a place to think, to process, to vent. He gives that to people. You wouldn’t know it by looking at him, but that guy is an amazing listener, and he’s full of good advice. He’s been pushing me to talk to you for a long time, actually, but I’ve been too scared. I owe a lot to him for being where I am today.” I swallow the emotion lodged in my throat. “I owe everything to you and Mãe, but I’ve been lucky to have friends like Beau and Owen. And I swear to you, Pai, I’ve been clean for years.”
My father’s eyes fill with tears he lets spill freely down his cheeks. “All this time?” he asks solemnly, taking slow steps toward me. He lays both hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eyes. “I’m so sorry, filho. Can you forgive me?”
Now it’s my tears that fall. “There’s nothing to forgive.”
“Yes, there is,” he argues. “It’s my fault you haven’t been here. I let my pain blind me. Instead of asking you, instead of talking to you, I chose to believe what I thought I was seeing.”
I pull him into a hug, and a part of me I thought I’d lost forever immediately begins to heal. He whispers more apologies, and I hug him tighter. I say the words I didn’tthink I’d get the chance to say in person ever again. “Te amo, Pai.”
“Te amo, meu filho. I never stopped loving you, and I never will. I hope you know that. I hope I can show you that.” With my father’s strong arms around me, I silently hope I can do the same.
After a few quiet moments, we pull apart, both sniffling. “We should get back out there. I’m sure Cece is going to demand cake and presents any minute now.” My dad wipes his face, and all of the anguish there before has, at least, started to dissipate.
“Yeah, I gotta look for Alice.”
“Don’t let that one go.” He squeezes my shoulder once before walking out of the room. I follow him out, all the while hoping I don’t have to let Alice go, but knowing if leaving is still what she wants, I will.
I findher pacing on the driveway in front of my truck. She must be so deep in her own thoughts that she doesn’t even hear me coming. When she spins to pace back toward the house, she sees me and breaks into a full sprint, running right up to me. I pick her up as she wraps her limbs around me.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry if I messed it all up, but I couldn’t not say anything.”
As she continues to ramble on with apologies for literally coming to my rescue, I move us so we’re on the other side of my truck, out of sight from any curious eyes. Once her back hits the driver’s door, I rear back, moving her hair off her face until she’s looking at me. Only then does she stop.
I take in her tear-rimmed eyes. “Don’t cry, baby. Everything is fine.”
“You two talked?” I nod, swallowing hard as I think of the moment we realized this was all a miscommunication. “You’re okay?” She takes my face in her hands again, waiting for my answer.
“More than okay,” I say, and she sobs through a wide smile, half laughing, half crying. “We need to talk some more, but we’re good, tesouro. Really good. Thanks to you.”
She shakes her head, leaning forward to kiss me as her tears soak our faces. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispers. It’s these little moments with her that are always the quietest to my ears, but the loudest to my heart. It’s at this second that I want to shout out that I’m falling inevitably in love with her.
But then I remember she hates it in Ojai, and her goal has always been to leave.
And then I remember she still doesn’t know my whole story.
So I stop myself.
Every time.
THIRTY-TWO
the most precious, most beautiful thing—no, person—in my life
Alice
After Arthur and Ivan’s talk at the birthday party, it felt like everything had changed again. As soon as we went back inside, the air was lighter. Everyone else felt it, too. Arthur promised to be back for a family dinner, and they all insisted I be there, as well, which had me nearly in tears for about the twelfth time that day.
It’s been five days since the party, and I haven’t slept in my own bed. Arthur insists, and I honestly sleep better next to him, so it’s a win-win. I’ll deal with going back to sleeping alone when I have to.
As things progress with the clinic, Rosemary has been looking for another occupational therapist to hire, and it seems she’s found a potential candidate. It’s a load off my shoulders, knowing I won’t be leaving them high and dry when I decide it’s time to go.
Given the way things are moving along with Gran’s house now that Gabriel helped me get connected with a realtor, it seems I’ll be able to cross that off my list soon.And with Gran’s worsening condition, I don’t know if I can handle staying around much longer. She either remembers who I am and that she despises me, or she has no clue who I am and is nicer than she’s ever been to me. Either option hurts like hell, and I don’t know how much more of it I can take.
It’s a slow Saturday morning, and after letting Luther out, Arthur got back into bed with me. We’ve been lying here since, dozing in and out of sleep. It’s the kind of bliss I’ve never known before.
