“Well, that’s good. She’s comfortable. But I know she likes having you here. I catch her looking back to make sure you’re there every now and then.” The love between these two is pretty special.
His smile falters a bit. “Yeah, she’s always worried I’ll leave and not come back, like her mom. It’s all so fresh, and with starting school last month, it’s been a lot for her.” He swallows, brows furrowing as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “But she’s doing okay. This is helping a lot, and there’s an artist who’s been volunteering at her school who she seems to love, as well.”
“I’m glad, Gabriel. I know it’s been tough for you both, but you’re doing great, and so is she.” I give his arm a reassuring squeeze as we walk into the barn.
“Thanks. You’re doing great, too, you know. And Art’s never seemed happier.” He delivers his statement casually, but my entire body goes rigid as I stare at him, unable to move or speak. He chuckles, unfazed. “Don’t worry. You two are perfectly professional. I just know my brother well. It was obvious how he felt about you the first time we came here.”
I let out a relieved breath, trying my best not to overthink what he might mean by how Arthur feels about me.
Following the chatter, we find Arthur helping Ceciliaget her helmet on, something she’s used to by now. Once they’re ready, we get started by going through the visual schedule we built for her today so she knows what to expect.
“First we’re going to brush Scout. You did that last time, remember?” Cece responds with a quick nod, looking to the bench where the grooming tools are laid out. “Then we’ll put on the saddle, and then you get to sit on Scout and ride around in the pen. Sound good?” This smaller indoor arena is the safest place for her and Scout, free from noise and distractions.
“Yep,” she replies quickly, picking up a brush.
Scout is calm and ready, having been prepped by Arthur earlier, and as we go through the motions, we both check in with Cece constantly.
“All right, the saddle is on. This is how you’re going to get on.” I gesture to Arthur, who comes up behind me to help me the same way he’s going to help Cece. “Then you’ll hold on here,” I continue, showing her how to grip the neck strap as Arthur moves to the front of the animal. “And Arthur will hold on to Scout to make sure she doesn’t go too fast or in the wrong direction. Sam will be on the other side to help. How does that sound?”
Cecilia’s eyes move over me, the horse, her uncle and Sam, who has been quietly observing. We allow her to take her time taking everything in. “Okay. And Scout will listen to you, right, Tio?”
“She sure will. She’s a very good girl.” The way his voice lowers when he says that as he pats Scout’s neck shouldn’t make me shiver, but it does.
I play it off as though I’m getting ready to dismount, but Arthur’s smirk is far too knowing. He helps me again, so we can demonstrate to Cecilia, who looks focused and ready. I know it’s important for her to understand eachstep, but I can’t wait for when she gets to understand Scout’s movements and simply let herself enjoy that moment.
Slowly, we get her mounted. “Do you think you’re ready to start moving?” I stand next to Cecilia, keeping my hand on the saddle as Sam takes to the other side to ensure safety. Arthur remains ahead, keeping Scout company and ready to lead her.
After a few deep breaths, the brave little girl mumbles a few words to herself before saying, “I’m ready.”
The smile shared between Gabriel and Arthur as the brothers simultaneously find one another’s eyes is filled with pride and joy, and I’m so lucky to witness it.
“Is it okay for me to put my hand on your leg to help you feel safe?” Cecilia gives me a yes, and with the first few steps, her hands tighten around the strap. “You’re doing great, Cece. Try to let your body move with Scout’s, sort of like when you’re in the ocean and you feel a wave coming.”
“Oh,” she whispers, and I feel her relax a little more.
“That’s it,” I encourage her again, and she relaxes a little more.
I keep my eyes on her face as Arthur leads us slowly around the pen, and Cecilia closes her eyes, a smile as bright as the sun lighting up her face. When she opens them, she searches for her dad, who is clearly trying not to cry. Instantly, I look at Arthur, to find him already looking back at me, and whose own teary gaze tells me he didn’t miss the special moment.
Cece not only trusted Scout today, she trusted herself, and that’s the biggest win. We all remain mostly quiet for the final lap, but with triumphant smiles firmly in place.
TWENTY-SEVEN
hungry for this man standing in front of me
Alice
We’re at the end of another session, quietly brushing Scout, Arthur fiddling with something close by, when Cece asks, “Miss Alice, would you like to come to my birthday party?” She doesn’t stop what she’s doing, nor does she look at me, but I know she wouldn’t ask if it hadn’t been something she was seriously thinking about.
I don’t hesitate with my answer. “If you want me there, Cece, of course. I’d love to.”
Her lips turn up slightly. “I do want you there. I’d like Scout there, too, but Daddy says that’s a big no.” She rolls her eyes, and I pull my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing. “Tio Arthur will come, too. He always comes to my birthday, even though he’s not at family dinners anymore.” The way she so easily states that fact about her uncle makes my chest pinch. “But I think if you came to family dinners, he would come, too. Maybe you could do that.” She doesn’t ask, and this time, I find myself pausing. I wouldn’t know what to do at a family dinner any morethan I’ll know what to do at a child’s birthday party, but knowing it’s for one day and I can leave after an hour or two makes it less overwhelming.
“Oh. Well, I’m not part of your family, Cece, so I’m not sure that would be appropriate.” Keeping my voice gentle, I hope she understands, but all I get from her is a little hum, and then she’s back to quietly brushing Scout and whispering words of encouragement to her.
When it’s time to go, Cece gives Scout a hug, and it feels like another small win for today and for this program. I want to be hopeful that I’ll find something like this when I leave, but I know there will be a few key pieces missing wherever I end up. A few key people, specifically.
“Hey kiddo, look who’s here!” Gabriel waves over at his daughter, who lights up at the sight of the gray-haired woman with a neat bun low on her head.
