In the car, I do a few more neck rolls for good measure and head to Maeve and Owen’s house. Whatever nerves were lingering about meeting new people tonight have been replaced by the little knot of tension pulling at my ribcage, also known as Arthur Machado.
SIXTEEN
the kind where you have a box she can check off. yes. no. maybe
Arthur
Jasper seems to be feeling better, and when I tag Sam in for their shift, I’m certain it’ll be an uneventful few hours. I’m so tired, though, I can feel it in my bones, but all of that dissipates when I walk into my house and find Luther lying in his bed, not in his room. Alice must have let him out, and my face pulls into a smile, knowing what it took for her to feel safe enough to do that.
“Hi, buddy,” I greet Luther quietly, knowing Alice must be asleep in her bedroom. But as I walk deeper into the house, I catch a glimpse of white socks hanging off the couch. As I round the space, I take a moment to take her in. She’s fresh-faced, and while her body seems relaxed, there are two little creases between her eyebrows, and her lips are pursed.
There must be some sort of magnetic force at work here, because even though I know it’s a bad idea, I walk closer, crouch down next to her, and bring my finger to her forehead, smoothing gently. She lets out a low hum, andmy fingers trail along her hairline, my palm cupping her cheek. I practically preen when she nuzzles into my touch, taking a deep breath in as a smile has her lips tipping up.
“Arthur,” she whispers as my heart squeezes. When her eyes open, I don’t move my hand, letting my fingers play with her hair. “You’re home?” Her question is mumbled, but that word, home, sounds so fucking good coming out of her. It’s always “the house” or some version of that, but she called this place home.
“I’m home, tesouro.” The nickname slips out more easily with each day that passes by. When she wiggles and moves to sit up, I let my hand fall. “Sorry, I’m sure I stink.”
“I’m used to it,” she responds, and I chuckle. “Oh geez. I mean, I’m used to the smell in general, not that you stink. You never stink.” She catches herself and slaps a hand against her face. “Ugh. I’m going to shut up and go to bed.” Her eyes are hazy with sleep, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her look more beautiful.
“Good girls’ night?” I know she’s tired, but I’m not ready to let her walk away yet.
“Yeah. It was really nice. They’re all so…likable and funny.” She smiles, and I know my face matches hers. I’m happy she’s making connections here. “How’s Jasper?”
I let out a sigh, still relieved the night’s going so well. “He’s good. Much calmer, and doesn’t seem to be in any pain.”
Her smile widens, and she closes her eyes. “Good. I’m happy to hear that.” She sways on the couch and snaps her eyes open. “Now I need to go to bed before I fall asleep sitting up. You get some rest, too.” She taps my shoulder, using me to brace herself as she stands, then drags her feet all the way to the stairs.
“Hey, Alice?” I call as I rise to my full height, and she turns her head. “Thanks for waiting for me and taking careof Luther.” She lifts her gaze to mine, but it’s too brief. She licks her lips, cheeks turning pink, and nods, not saying anything as she takes the steps up to her room slowly.
In a matter of days,Jasper had made a full recovery, and in the last couple of weeks, things between me and Alice have started to become less tense, in a way. If I grab her favorite coffee creamer when I go to the store after noticing she’s run out, she doesn’t immediately insist on paying me back. And when I made dinner two nights in a row, she didn’t say anything about it being her turn the next night. Sure, she bought more treats for Luther since he’s been going through them faster now that I’m trying to teach him to stop being so reactive, but it didn’t come with a reason or as payback for anything. She thought of him—of us—and got them.
She has no idea how deeply I understand that feeling like a burden to someone can tear you down in a way that’s difficult to recover from. With each passing day, though, I like to think she’s starting to realize that she’s not a burden here.
The problem is, as we become more friendly toward one another, and I see the way she cares about the horses, interacts with the staff, and laughs so easily in their company, the more difficult it is to remember why I shouldn’t want her the way I most definitely do. It’sallI think about sometimes.
Like right now.
I’ve been distracted while working with Rosemary today,and she knows it.
“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on, or are you gonna keep staring off into space until you trip over something and give me a good laugh?” She’s not one to beat around the bush, that’s for fucking sure.
“It’s nothing. Just got a lot on my mind.” It’s not a lie.
“I can tell. What’s weighing you down more? That your brother and his daughter will be here in a few days, or that, at some point, you’re gonna have to get over yourself and tell Alice you like her? You could do one of those little note things. You know, the kind with a box she can check off. Yes. No. Maybe. Or you could ask one of her friends to ask her out for you, so you don’t have to talk to her.” Rosemary is one of the toughest people to read. She can be completely serious when she’s joking, or sound like she’s kidding and be serious. I don’t know how to take her.
“I’m not thirteen, Ro,” I say, focusing on the movement of my hand as I brush Jasper.
“Then stop acting like it.” Ah, there it is. She was kidding. I scoff and shake my head. “You liked her when you met. You decided you couldn’t like her when you thought she was abusing alcohol or drugs. And you stuck with that decision, what? Because you’re living and working together? I get it. It’s a little complicated, but so is life, kid. Don’t be an asshole about it and you’ll be fine. She’s not one of your ride-’em-and-ditch-’em girls.”
“Jesus, Ro. I know that.” I gotta stop talking about my love life with my seventy-year-old coworker. She knows too fucking much.
“And that’s what’s got you scared?” She continues inspecting the horse in front of her, murmuring to him softly in between scolding me. I swallow hard, because that’s not it at all. Rosemary lets the silence linger before she says, “Your past doesn’t define you, Arthur. Look at you now. You’ve come a long way. Sure, you still have moreto go, but every day you take steps in the right direction. I know because I’m watching you take them.” She pauses dramatically. “And I know what I’m talking about, remember?” She chuckles at her own comment.
I told her one time she always seems to know what she’s talking about, no matter the topic. She’s one of those people who knows something about everything. And I’ve never lived down my comment.
“Wow. Give a person a compliment one time…” I mumble and she laughs.
“One time is all it takes, kid. I never forget.” She winks at me when our eyes meet, and I chuckle.
