I’ve never had a roommate before, but I think we’re supposed to see one another occasionally? Anyway, Ro mentioned you like almond vanilla creamer in your coffee. There’s some in the fridge.
See you at work.
-A.M.
Ugh. He bought me my favorite coffee creamer? Son of a biscuit. It’s going to be really hard not to like this guy.
ELEVEN
stay with me, stay at this job, stay in ojai
Arthur
There was no sign of her for the rest of the weekend. I don’t know what she does or where she goes, and I’m sure as hell not about to pry and ask her, but damn, I’m curious.
It’s Monday, though, and there’s no way she can avoid me today since we’re supposed to meet to talk about the horses being used for hippotherapy. She’s already at the stable when I walk in, laughing at something Paige said.
“Morning, Gear.” I tip my baseball cap to the two women. “Alice.”
“Hey boss. It’s Whinny, remember?” Paige cocks a hip, her hand resting on it. “How was your weekend? Luther get into any other garbage cans? Where is he, anyway?” She looks behind me, no doubt expecting to see the excitable pup. He almost always comes to the stable with me.
“Right. Um, no Luther today.” I send Paige a pleadinglook, silently begging her not to push the issue. She either can’t see my desperation or she ignores me. Hard to tell with her.
“But he’s always here, and he was already gone most of last week, so what the hell do you mean no Luther today?” Paige is oblivious to the way Alice stiffens as she talks, but I’m not.
“Sorry, Paige.” As I take in Alice’s face, it’s filled with guilt. “Alice, can I talk to you for a second?” I motion to the tack room, the closest place we may get an ounce of privacy from Paige “Gear” Martinez. That girl hears and repeats everything like a goddamn toddler. Thankfully, she doesn’t question my lack of response to her many questions, just goes back to mucking out the stall she’d been working on.
Alice follows me silently, and once we’re away from prying ears, she speaks first. “You should have brought him. I know you didn’t because I’m here, but that’s not fair. I don’t want to take you away from your routine. I don’t want to take him away from his either.” She’s pacing, clearly distraught over something I didn’t think twice about this morning. “I’m so sorry. I spent most of the weekend looking for a place to live, but anything affordable is nearly an hour outside of Ojai. I swear, everything in this town costs like a million dollars. Who the hell can afford to live here anymore? It’s ridiculous. But I’m trying, I swear, Arthur, I’m trying. With it being the end of the month and everything, I thought my chances would be better.”
I can’t listen to this anymore.
“Alice,” I try, but she continues on, telling me she’ll be out of my way soon. “Alice,” I repeat a little louder, and she looks up, stopping where she’s about to wear out the floor. “Is that where you were all weekend? Looking for aplace to rent?” She swallows, biting the corner of her lip. “And it’s where you’ve been after work, too.” I don’t bother asking this time.
“Mostly, yeah.”
I don’t love that answer. But more than that, I don’t like how she’s actively trying to move out of my house. I don’t think I’ve given her any reason to, other than the dickhead way I behaved on Wednesday. Obviously, that’s why she wants to leave. She must hate that she has to put up with me. “Listen, Alice, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I acted like an asshole to you and made assumptions I should never have made. I’m sorry I’ve made you so uncomfortable you can’t stand the thought of living in the same house as me, if you can even call our current arrangement that, since you’re never around and you avoid me better than I avoid my entire family.”Well, that wasn’t supposed to come out.“I panicked when I thought you had a drinking or a drug problem. I’ve seen what addiction does to people’s lives, and I didn’t want that for you. I don’t want that for anyone. What do I need to do to help you believe I’m not that guy? Do you want character references? A contract of some sort? What can I do?” I didn’t expect to be this desperate to convince someone I’m not who they think I am, and yet here I stand. Fucking desperate.
“You don’t need to do anything. I’m not uncomfortable around you, Arthur. I’ve had roommates do far worse things than assume I’m something I’m not. I’m trying to leave because I’m clearly a nuisance, and I’m okay with being a lot of things, but that’s not one of them.” She shuts her eyes tightly for a moment, rubbing her forehead. “I can’t stay. I’ll leave tonight. I’ll stay at a hotel until I find something, but I can’t do this. I can’t live in your house and work here and force you to change things you literally do every single day. I won’t.”
You’d think she was asking me to move out of the country and take on a whole new identity, not adjust how often she’s around my dog, an animal who has his own space inside and outside of my house. He’s happy, regardless of whether he’s here or there.
“This is the second time you’ve tried to quit this job. Do you not want to work here?” That gets her to look at me, and her eyes turn glassy before I see the fire in them. This woman is a ball of emotions, and they all live right at the surface at all times. And somehow, she’s still a mystery to me.
“Are you kidding me? This job is all I’ve ever wanted. I get to consult on how to start this therapy program and be the sole therapist until more people are brought on. I’m working with Rosemary, a gosh darn legend. Maeve and Owen are giving me freedom to basically do whatever I want, which makes no sense because they don’t even know me. The only thing wrong with this job is that it’s here, in this godforsaken town I spent too many years of my life in. But this job? This is the job I studied my butt off in school for. This is the job I put myself into debt for. This is the job Ialwayswanted and didn’t know if I’d ever get. But I’m not going to do it at the expense of someone having to give anything up, so I’m not staying.” By the end of her spiel, she’s breathing heavily. She obviously cares about this a whole lot. Good.
“I didn’t take you for a martyr, Alice.” I know I’m taunting her, but sometimes people need a little tough love, and I remember she liked it when I didn’t sugarcoat my reaction to her living arrangements at the bar when we met.
“Excuse me?” she asks through gritted teeth.
“You want this job so badly, but not badly enough to take something away from a dog? A dog, who, by the way,will be perfectly fine not coming here every day. He has a great life, I can assure you. But you believe so strongly in not inconveniencing anyone that you’re willing to give up your dream job? Come on. Make that make sense.” I cross my arms while she seethes.
“You don’t know me,” she spits out, anger practically bursting out with every word.
“Okay.” I remain expressionless, waiting for her to work through this.
“So why do you care what I do? Whether or not I leave?” She licks her bottom lip, clearly pissed off.
“Why doyoucare if my dog gets to hang out here all day instead of in his bed or in his dog run?” I shrug, trying to look unbothered by the fact that she has such few expectations of people. “I wouldn’t be the only one to care, by the way. Maeve, Rosemary, Paige, everyone here will care. They like you. They’ve already nicknamed you. If you leave, how will it force them to change their plans? How much longer will it take to get this program up and running? How many people will have to wait longer to get the care they need? But you know what? You’re right. Consider my dog. Please.”
