“Baby,” I muttered, my voice strained. “I’m about to?—”
She pulled back just enough for me to reach for the cup sittin’ on the counter. My hand was shakin’ a lil’ as I grabbed it, positioning my dick quick. My jaw clenched as that shit took over my whole body.
I focused on Toni… on us and on nights we talked about kids and futures like this moment was always meant to happen.
After I came in the cup, I stood there for a second just breathin’, my chest heavin’, makin’ sure everything went where it was supposed to. I secured the lid the way the nurse explained, my damn hands still unsteady.
Toni stayed right there, her palm pressed flat against my stomach, grounding me until my heartbeat slowed down.
After, she helped me straighten myself up, she gave me a quick kiss like,we got this, and unlocked the door like nothin’ out the ordinary just went down.
This wasn’t just a sample in a cup.
This was us tryin’.
After that it was more waitin’, sittin’ side by side in another room, her shoulder pressed into mine, and my arm wrapped around her. She leaned into me, and I held her ’cause sometimes that’s all you can do.
When the doctor came back, she ain’t drag it.
She told Toni her hormone levels looked normal, the ultrasound ain’t show nothin’ wild, and there were no obvious signs that said she couldn’t have kids. Then she looked at me and said my sperm count was good, movement good, shape good, and from what they saw, there wasn’t no clear reason jumpin’ out at her.
I sat there confused as hell.
So if she was good and I’m good, what the fuck was the problem?
The doctor said sometimes there ain’t a clear answer right away, and sometimes it take more time, trackin’, patience, and she talked about next steps without makin’ it sound scary. We nodded, thanked her, and walked out.
The drive home was quiet again, but heavier this time.
Toni stared out the window like she was somewhere else, and I kept glancin’ at her, tryna read her face, but she stayed locked in. Relief should’ve been there, hope should’ve been there, but instead I felt this weird knot in my chest I couldn’t explain.
“You straight?” I asked her finally, keepin’ my voice calm.
She nodded, but I knew my wife well enough to know that nod.
I ain’t push it, though. I just kept drivin’, my hand restin’ on her thigh with my thumb rubbin’ slow circles like I always do, lettin’ her know I was right here.
Whatever this was, I knew one thing for sure.
We wasn’t done fightin’ for us yet.
Trill-Land, ‘LoLux Estate
One month later…
My cousin Sha’Nelle was finally about to come see me and I swear I needed that shit more than I even realized.
I was standin’ in the shower with the water runnin’ hot enough to fog the glass, lettin’ it beat down my shoulders while my mind wandered in a hundred different directions at once.
Life had been… loud.
Me and Kay’Lo had been doin’ better on the surface, laughin’ more, touchin’ more, travelin’ and fuckin’ like we was tryna remind each other why we fell in love in the first place, but under all that there was still this tension that never really left. It sat between us like unfinished business, like somethin’ neither oneof us wanted to say out loud ‘cause once it was said, it couldn’t be taken back.
My thoughts drifted back to Sha’Nelle and how long it had been since I had seen her in person, since before all the bullshit with Kay’Lo and my family blew up and turned everything upside down.
Like I said, Sha’Nelle was my cousin, but she was more like my sister. She was the kind of person who knew my moods without me sayin’ shit, who could read my face and tell when I was lyin’ to myself. I missed that. I missed havin’ somebody around who knew me before I became somebody’s wife, and before my life got wrapped up in power, money, danger, and love that came with consequences.
I finally shut the water off and stepped out, grabbin’ a towel and wrappin’ it around my body as I wiped the steam off the mirror. My face looked calm, but my eyes told a different story.
