She shrugged. “You don’t have to. I do it anyway.”
We sat there quiet for a moment, the water movin’ slow in front of us, the sound of it feelin’ too loud.
“I don’t even care to fix this shit no more,” she said finally. “If you wanna take me down with you, then fuck it. We can burn together for all I give a fuck.”
That hurt in a way I couldn’t hide. I swallowed hard and looked away ‘cause I ain’t never wanted that for her.
“That ain’t what I want,” I said.
“But that’s what’s happenin’,” she replied.
She finished her blunt, stubbed it out, stood up, and walked away without even lookin’ back at me.
I stayed there, her legs gone from my lap, and the chair feelin’ colder than it did a second ago. The sun dipped lower, and I sat there knowin’ I was runnin’ out of chances, knowin’ that all the flowers and folded clothes in the world wouldn’t mean shit if I ain’t do what I needed to do.
I watched her disappear back inside the house, and I stayed outside longer than I needed to, listenin’ to the water, feelin’ the weight of everything I’d done and everything I might still lose sittin’ heavy on me.
Shit was bad between us, and I ain’t know how to fix it.
Days Later…
It was one in the fuckin’ mornin’ and Toni wasn’t answerin’ my calls…
I had walked all over this damn mansion so much that my footsteps probably made a whole path in the marble. I couldn’t sit down, I couldn’t pace in one spot, and I couldn’t stop lookin’ at my phone like Toni was gon’ magically call back if I stared at her name long enough. She had turned her location off and she ain’t never turn her location off on me ‘cause she knew I ain’t play that shit. She had been gone since earlier and I was tryin’ not to think the worst, but here a nigga was feelin’ my chest heat up ‘cause nothin’ about this shit felt normal.
I called again, already knowin’ she wasn’t gon’ answer, and the shit went to voicemail so damn fast that I knew she hit that decline button with force.
“Man, what the fuck is you doin’, Toni,” I muttered, rubbin’ my hand over my head ‘cause this wasn’t no regular argument we had earlier. This was that deep shit where her silence felt louder than her yellin’.
We had been into it earlier, and she walked out talkin’ about she tired of dealin’ with me actin’ wild every time I fall off my meds. She kept sayin’ I ain’t take shit serious, and I don’t listen, and I kept tellin’ her she naggin’ and bein’ dramatic when really I just ain’t wanna hear the truth from her. She was fed up, rollin’ her eyes and packin’ her lil’ purse like she swore she was done with me, but I knew she wasn’t. She loved me too much, and that’s exactly why her not answerin’ now had my whole chest cavin’.
I ain’t know who else to call. Pressure was the only nigga who understood what it felt like to love a woman so hard that the shit made you stupid, so I pulled up his name and hit call.
He answered on the second ring with the babies cryin’ so loud in the background I had to pull the phone away for a second.
“Wussup?” He answered, soundin’ tired like the nigga been fightin’ them newborns all night.
“Bro… Toni not answerin’ me.” I started pacin’ again, walkin’ past the long ass window in the hallway. “She been gone all fuckin’ day like she ain’t married, and it’s one in the mornin’. Somethin’ feel wrong. Tell Pluto to hit her up.”
Pressure sighed, but not on no calm shit. More like he was irritated but still listenin’, the way he get when he know I’m spiralin’ again. “Pluto wit’ her,” he said. “They left together earlier.”
“Well call Pluto then!” My voice came out harder than I meant it to, but fuck it. I wasn’t apologizin’. “Tell her to tell Toni check her phone or somethin’. I been callin’ all damn night, and she sendin’ me straight to voicemail like she bold.”
Pressure didn’t even waste time arguin’. “A’ight. Lemme call her. Pluto know to answer that damn phone for me.”
“That’s what I’m sayin’,” I snapped, pacin’ again as my stomach tightened. “Toni been gone all fuckin’ day and she not pickin’ up for me at all.”
“I hear you,” he said, his tone shiftin’ like he finally picked up how serious I was. “Hold on. I’m finna call her right now.”
I heard Kaylon screamin’ in the background and Prestyn babblin’, but Pressure ain’t complain about it. He just clicked over quick ‘cause when it came to my girl and his, he jumped just like I jumped.
Finally, Pressure clicked back over. “Bro… she answered.”
My whole body stopped mid-step. “And?”
“She said she busy and she gon’ call me back.”
I froze, my eyebrow twitchin’. “Busy doin’ what? It’s one in the fuckin’ mornin’, bro.”
