Trill-Land, ‘LoLux Estate
Today didn’t owe me shit. After hangin’ out with Kay’Lo’s mama, I felt like I had finally caught my breath after drownin’ for weeks straight. My heart felt lighter, my thoughts felt clearer, and for the first time in a minute I felt like maybe I wasn’t crazy for fightin’ so hard for my marriage. Treasure didn’t judge me, and she ain’t rush me. She didn’t make me feel like I was complainin’ or reachin’. She just listened and showed me love in a way that felt ancient and safe, and I was drivin’ home replayin’ the whole day in my head like a song I ain’t want to end.
I drove through the gate and pulled into the driveway feelin’ hopeful, and I ain’t had much hope left these days so that shit mattered. I grabbed my purse, stepped out the car, and smiled to myself, already practicin’ how I was gon’ tell Kay’Lo about his mama, about the baby, about the food, about how good my spirit felt. I walked through the front doors callin’ his name, my voice echoin’ back at me through the mansion.
“Kay’Lo,” I called again, kickin’ my shoes off. “Baby, where you at?”
He ain’t answer, and that lil’ knot in my stomach tightened just a bit, but I shook it off and kept walkin’. Then I heard a loud ass bang. It was metal clankin’, and somethin’ hittin’ the cabinet hard enough to rattle the dishes. My smile dropped and my heart started beatin’ faster as I followed the noise toward the kitchen.
The second I turned the corner, my purse slid right out my hand and hit the floor without me even realizin’ I let it go.
Kay’Lo was under the sink, shirtless, sweat pourin’ down his back and chest like he had been runnin’ for his life. Pipes was pulled halfway out, tools scattered everywhere and water slow drippin’ on the floor. His hands was movin’ fast and frantic, his eyes dartin’ back and forth like he was chasin’ somethin’ I couldn’t see.
“Kay’Lo,” I said, my voice shakier than I wanted it to be. “Baby.”
He ain’t even look at me.
“I hear it,” he muttered, yankin’ at a pipe harder. “That shit been talkin’ all day. I’m tryna fix it.”
My throat closed up. “Hear what?”
He finally turned his head toward me, his eyes wild and unfocused, then back to the sink. “It’s right there. You don’t hear that shit, baby?”
I stepped closer, my heart poundin’ so hard I could hear it in my ears. “Kay’Lo,” I said again, louder this time. “Look at me.”
He ignored me, kept yankin’ at the pipes, and mutterin’ under his breath, his whole body vibratin’ with energy. I reached out and grabbed his arm, and the second my hand touched his skin, it was like I touched fire.
He whipped his head toward me, his eyes lockin’ on mine like he just realized I was there.
“I’m good,” he said quick. “I got this.”
Tears burned my eyes instantly. I blinked fast, tryin’ not to cry, and placed my hand flat against his chest. His heart was racin’ so fast it scared the shit outta me. It felt like it was tryna beat its way out his body.
“You not good!” I snapped, my voice crackin’. “Yo’ fuckin’ heart feel like it’s ‘bout to explode!”
“I said I’m good,” he shot back, lookin’ past me toward the sink again.
“No the fuck you not!” I yelled, my voice echoin’ off the walls. “You drenched in sweat, pullin’ pipes out the sink like a madman, hearin’ shit that ain’t there, and you wanna stand here and tell me you good?”
He flinched at my tone, then got defensive. “Stop fuckin’ yellin’ at me, Toni. You stressin’ me out.”
I laughed, but it came out broken and ugly. “Me stressin’ you out? You got me in this fuckin’ kitchen feelin’ like I gotta call an ambulance ‘cause I don’t know if my husband ‘bout to pass out or have a fuckin’ heart attack!”
“I don’t need no ambulance!” he barked. “I don’t need help! You not fuckin’ hearin’ me!”
“That’s the problem!” I screamed. “You always think you don’t need help!”
He kept lookin’ back at the sink, then at me, like he couldn’t decide what was real. My anger exploded then, weeks of fear and frustration pourin’ out my mouth without permission.
“You stopped takin’ yo’ muthafuckin’ medicine!” I yelled. “You don’t wanna hear no fuckin’ body ‘cause you too fuckin’ stupid to listen! You don’t wanna get a second opinion! You just wanna pretend everything okay while I’m sittin’ here losin’ my fuckin’ mind watchin’ you fall apart in front of me!”
His hands dropped to his sides and his breathin’ got heavier. “Why you want me sick so bad?” he snapped. “Why you keep pushin’ that on me?”
That hit me so hard I staggered back a step. “What?” I whispered, tears spillin’ over. “You really think I want that for you?”
He clutched his head, pacin’ in a tight circle now. “You always talkin’ about somethin’ wrong with me. The doctor said I’m fine. Why can’t you accept that?”
“Because I live with yo’ muthafuckin’ ass, nigga!” I screamed. “‘Cause I see yo’ ass! Because I feel it! Because I’m the oneholdin’ you when you break down, not that fuckin’ doctor! Because yo’ ass done sat up here and tore up the whole fuckin’ sink, nigga! That’s the fuck why!”
