“Come here, son,” he said low. “I knew this would work itself out.”
I leaned back just enough to look at him. “It’s crazy. They really said I’m not schizophrenic.”
He nodded slowly like he had already known that answer before I ever opened my mouth. “I told you there wasn’t nothing wrong with you, son,” he said. “You always been intense. You always been sharp. That’s not sickness. That’s strength.”
I ain’t say nothin’ at first ‘cause a part of me wanted to believe him without question. Another part of me remembered how calm I had been feelin’ lately, how quiet my mind had finally got, and how Toni had been able to sleep next to me without fear. But my pops was pattin’ my back now, proud and certain, and that confidence poured into me whether I wanted it to or not.
“You my blood,” he continued. “You my baby boy. Ain’t no label gon’ change that. You think I built all this by lettin’ people tell me who I was supposed to be?”
I nodded. “I feel good, Pops.”
“That’s because ou finally stopped lettin’ folks put doubt in your head,” he said. “Sometimes a man just need to be reminded who the hell he is.”
He hugged me again, tighter this time, and I let it happen ‘cause even though I was grown, that part of me that wanted my father’s approval never really went nowhere. When we pulled apart, he smiled, proud in a way he ain’t always show.
“Go be the man you are.”
I ain’t stay long at the crib after that. After choppin’ it up with my pops, I hopped back in my whip and drove home.
The island lights blurred past me as I replayed my pops’ words in my head, and by the time I made it home, I felt sure of myself in a way I hadn’t felt in days.
The house was quiet when I walked in. I stood there for a second with my keys still in my hand, and let out a slow breath before headin’ upstairs.
I ain’t say nothin’ when I walked in the room. I kicked my shoes off by the door, set my phone down hard on the table, and stood there for a second just lookin’ at her back. Toni was already in the bed, turned away from me, the covers pulled up tight like she was tryna shut the world out. Her body was tense. I could see it in the way her shoulders was locked up and the way she wasn’t even pretendin’ to be sleep.
That attitude had been sittin’ on her ever since the therapist said I wasn’t schizophrenic, and it had been sittin’ on me too.
I walked closer to the bed and ran my hand through her hair slow, my fingers sinkin’ into it the way they always did when I needed her to feel me. She ain’t flinch, but she ain’t lean into it either.
“So now you quiet,” I said low. “You been runnin’ yo’ fuckin’ mouth on the phone all day though.”
She rolled her eyes but didn’t turn around. “I’m tired.”
I laughed once under my breath. “Nah. You mad.”
She stayed still. “Go shower, Kay’Lo.”
I stood there another second, my jaw tight, then grabbed a towel and walked into the bathroom. I shut the door harder than I meant to and turned the water on hot, steppin’ under it like I needed it to burn somethin’ off me. The water hit my shoulders and rolled down my chest while my thoughts ran just as loud as they had been all damn day.
Ever since that damn therapist sat there a few days ago, and said she was wrong, that I wasn’t schizophrenic, everything that had finally been calm between me and Toni went straight to hell. Everything from sleep, the peace and the way my head felt clear. Toni had been lookin’ at me like she was waitin’ on the other shoe to drop, and I hated that shit.
I leaned my hands against the stone tile and let the water run, breathin’ slow, tryin’ not to snap, and tryin’ not to go back to that place I been workin’ so hard to get out of. When I shut the water off, my body felt clean but my chest still felt tight.
I wrapped the towel low around my waist and walked back into the room.
Toni was still turned away, but her eyes flicked to me when I stepped close. I snatched off the towel, climbed in the bed behind her, lettin’ her feel how hard my dick was and pulled her back against my chest without askin’. She stiffened immediately.
“Kay’Lo,” she warned.
“Shut up,” I said low, my arm firm around her waist. “And don’t pull away from me.”
I shook my head and breathed into her shoulder. “I can’t believe you trippin’ about this shit, baby.”
“You actin’ like I want you to be sick,” she snapped, finally turnin’ her head enough for me to hear her voice clear. “Like I’m prayin’ on somethin’ bein’ wrong with you.”
I tightened my grip just a lil’. “That’s how it feel.”
She sat up fast and turned to face me, eyes sharp. “That’s crazy as fuck, ‘Lo.”
