I couldn’t believe he really pulled out of me…
It shocked me in the sweetest way.
It showed me he heard me.
It showed me he cared.
It showed me he could love me the way I needed to be loved.
He finally got up and went to the bathroom for a towel, wiping himself off, then me before tossing it aside. All I could do was stare at the man who had just loved me like his life depended on it.
He caught me looking and smirked a little. “What?”
“Nothing,” I said, feeling my heart overflow. “I love you.”
He climbed into bed and pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me like he never planned to let go. His lips touched the top of my head, and he breathed me in like I was home.
“I love you too, baby,” he whispered.
We fell asleep like that, tangled up in each other, finally finding peace again.
The Lotus Mind Center
One week later…
A nigga couldn’t lie… my life was goin’ smooth as fuck.
It wasn’t the money, not the cars, not the house, not even the marriage. It was my mind. My thoughts wasn’t fightin’ each other. I wasn’t wakin’ up mad for no reason or feelin’ like I needed to punch a hole through somethin’ just to feel normal. I wasn’t hearin’ shit that wasn’t there or gettin’ stuck in my own head at three in the mornin’ starin’ at the ceilin’, convinced somebody was watchin’ my ass. I was sleepin’. I mean, gettin’ real sleep. And Toni noticed it.
She noticed everything, though. From the way I laughed more, the way I ain’t snap when small shit happened and the wayI listened instead of cuttin’ her off halfway through a sentence. She noticed the way I touched her different and slower, like I wasn’t rushin’ through love ‘cause my head wasn’t on fire no more. We had been good. It was the type of good that made you forget how bad shit used to get.
So when we pulled up to Dr. Ellington’s office, I wasn’t nervous, and I wasn’t on edge. I wasn’t even irritated about bein’ there. I actually felt proud of myself, like I was showin’ up for my life instead of runnin’ from it.
Toni squeezed my hand while we walked inside, her long nails pressin’ into my skin just enough to ground me. “I’m proud of you, baby,” she said low, lettin’ me know it was just for me.
I smirked a lil’. “I been doin’ my shit, huh.”
“Yes,” she said. “You really have.”
That shit meant everything to me ‘cause I really wanted to be a better man to her.
Dr. Ellington’s office looked the same as always. It was clean, calm, expensive but not flashy. I sat down like I always did, legs spread, arms crossed and relaxed in a way I never used to be. Toni sat next to me, close enough that our thighs touched.
But Dr. Ellington was different, and I clocked that shit the second she walked in.
Her smile ain’t hit her eyes like they usually did. Her shoulders looked tense, and she kept adjustin’ her blazer like it was too tight even though it fit her just fine. She wasn’t lookin’ at me when she spoke at first. She was lookin’ at her notes. Then at the floor. Then at the window.
I frowned a lil’ bit. “You good?”
She looked up quick like she got caught doin’ somethin’. “Yes. Yes, of course. I’m fine.”
Toni shifted next to me. I felt it, and she felt it too.
Dr. Ellington cleared her throat and sat down across from us, foldin’ her hands together like she needed to steady herself,even though she was the professional in the room. “Kay’Lo, Toni, thank you both for coming in today.”
“No problem,” Toni said, but her voice had that edge in it already. It was the one she used when she felt bullshit creepin’ up.
Dr. Ellington nodded. “I want to start by saying that I’m very pleased with the progress we’ve made over the last few weeks. Kay’Lo, you’ve been responding well to treatment, your mood has improved significantly, and your behaviors have stabilized.”
