I felt weak all of a sudden, like my whole world shrunk down to her pain. I moved closer and reached for her arm, but she jerked away from me like my touch burned.
That shit stung deeper than any wound I ever took.
“Pluto,” I said slow, my voice barely holdin’ together. “I’m not tryna hurt you. You know I’m not. I love you. I got caught in how good you feel and I just… I lost myself. I really am sorry. I swear on my life.”
“That’s not enough,” she whispered. Her voice was so soft it almost broke me in half. “You violated my trust, Pressure. You crossed a boundary I begged you not to cross. You didn’t respect me.”
The wordrespecthit like a gut punch ‘cause she was right. She ain’t even have to tell me twice. I felt the truth of it burnin’ in my chest.
Her hands was shakin’ now, her arms wrapped around her legs like she was tryna hold herself still, and that sight alone made somethin’ inside me cave in. I couldn’t take lookin’ at her feelin’ alone or hurt or betrayed by me.
I moved behind her slow and wrapped my arms around her waist before she could pull away again. This time she didn’t fight me, but she didn’t lean into me either. She just let my arms be there while her body stayed tense.
“I’m so sorry,” I said again, my mouth against her shoulder. “I won’t do that shit again. I swear to God, Pluto. Just… don’t shut me out. Please don’t shut me out.”
She shook her head and whispered, “I know you won’t do it again, because I’m not letting you. I’m not playing with you about this. You crossed a line. You crossed it so fast that I didn’t even get a chance to protect myself.”
Her voice broke again at the end, and I held her tighter, almost scared she would slip through my hands if I let up at all.
“I know,” I murmured. “I know I fucked up. And I know you got every right to be mad. But baby, please believe me when I say I’m not tryna take advantage of you. I ain’t tryna scare you. I love you. I want you. I ain’t tryna break us.”
“You didn’t think about me,” she whispered. “That’s the part that hurt the most.”
I felt my heart drop into my stomach.
“I did think about you,” I said. “I just… didn’t think enough. And that’s on me.”
Pluto finally turned to look at me. Her cheeks was wet now even though she tried to hide the tears. Her hair was a mess. Her breathing was uneven. Her whole body looked tired in a way I had never seen on her before, and it destroyed me ‘cause I knew I caused every bit of the shit.
“I can’t do this with you,” she said through a shaky breath. “Not when it feels like I’m fighting to be heard, and you not even trying to understand why I’m scared.”
“I’m tryin’ now,” I said quickly, desperate for her to see I meant every word. “I hear you now. I swear I do. I hear how scared you are and how stressed you are and how much this shit hurt you. I’m not ignoring that. Just… don’t give up on me.”
She wiped her cheeks again and whispered, “You gotta learn to respect my body the way I respect yours.”
And that right there…That hit harder than anything.
Because she did. Pluto never crossed my boundaries. She never pushed me. She never forced me to do shit I didn’t want. She always waited for my yes. She always moved with love, and I had taken advantage of that softness without even realizin’ it.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, softer this time, like the words came straight from my heart instead of my mouth. “I’m so damn sorry.”
She looked at me for a long moment, her eyes swollen and hurt, then she finally whispered, “I need space right now.”
My whole body tensed, but I nodded slow ‘cause I caused this bullshit, and I wasn’t about to argue with her about what she needed.
“I’ll give you whatever you need,” I said. “Just don’t stop lovin’ me.”
She didn’t answer.
She just pulled her legs closer, closed her eyes, and let the silence fall between us like a wall neither one of us knew how to climb.
And I felt real fear settle in my chest.
It wasn’t fear of losin’ control, or fear of another nigga.
It was fear of losin’ the woman who held my whole heart together.
Trill-Land, ‘LoLux Estate
