“Toni,” I muttered, my voice low as hell while I took a slow step toward her.
Her lips trembled. She was breathin’ heavy, and her chest was movin’ fast like she was tryna hold herself together, but her mind was runnin’ all over the place. She looked like she wanted to ask me a million questions at once but didn’t know where to start.
I glanced down at the head one more time, the blood dryin’ across the marble floor, then I looked right back at her. I ain’t hide none of my emotions. I let her see exactly how far I went for her, and I let her see how unbothered I was about it.
The nigga deserved it. That was that.
I moved closer, and slow enough for her to feel me comin’ but not fast enough to make her jump. I didn’t want her flinchin’ from me ‘cause my heart couldn’t take it. I wanted her meltin’ every time she looked at me.
“Toni,” I said again, softer this time.
She swallowed and whispered, “‘Lo…”
The way she said it made somethin’ in me calm down. Even scared, she came to me. Even terrified, she trusted me enough to speak my name like it meant safety. Her voice was light, but it was mine. It belonged to me.
I lifted my hand and touched her cheek. She didn’t pull away. She just blinked up at me with those watery eyes that always got me caught up. I slid my thumb under her chin and made her look at me fully.
“I love you,” I told her. I mean that from my soul. “You hear me?”
Her whole face crumbled with confusion and fear and love all mixed up together. She whispered, “Why you do that, ‘Lo? Why you… why you go that far?”
I stared right into her eyes, lettin’ her see the truth without sugarcoatin’ it. “Why not?”
She gasped, and her eyes flicked toward that nigga’s head again. I leaned in closer so she had no choice but to keep her focus on me.
“That nigga hurt you,” I said, my voice droppin’ even lower. “He hurt you when you was a child, and then he tried to come at me. He tried to come at us. He tried to take me from you. So I took him off this earth before he could even think about touchin’ what’s mine again.”
She let out a shaky sound that almost broke me in half, but I wasn’t lettin’ her fall. Not away from me.
“Toni, look at me,” I said, liftin’ her chin again.
When her eyes finally met mine, I felt somethin’ snap inside of me in a way that felt dangerous and peaceful at the same time. She was scared, but she was still standin’ right here with me. She didn’t run. She didn’t scream for help. She didn’t slap me or curse me out. She stayed. That meant more to me than she would ever understand.
“You my wife,” I murmured. “That mean somethin’ to me. And if I gotta move mountains or bodies to keep you good, then that’s what I’m doin’. I ain’t askin’ nobody’s permission.”
She shook her head, tears spillin’ out. “But, ‘Lo… this is crazy. This is?—”
I cut her off real gentle but real firm. “Crazy is what kept me alive my whole life. Crazy is what kept me standin’. Crazy is what keep you safe. And crazy is what’s gon’ keep every threat away from you forever.”
Her lips parted a lil’, like she ain’t know what to say, and I stepped even closer until her back touched the wall. I wasn’t crowdin’ her to scare her. I was crowdin’ her ‘cause I needed her to feel me and not the fear, the shock, or the dead nigga on the floor. I wanted her to feel her husband.
“You scared?” I asked, my voice low and honest.
She hesitated. Then she whispered, “Yeah… but I’m scared to lose you more.”
That right there did somethin’ wild to me. I slid my hand to the back of her neck’ leaned down and pulled her close until our foreheads touched. She was breathin’ fast, and I was breathin’ deep, and even though this moment was surrounded by death and darkness, it felt like the realest shit I ever lived through.
“You ain’t never losin’ me,” I whispered. “You stuck with me. Through anything. You understand?”
Her bottom lip trembled. “I understand.”
I pulled back just enough to look at her fully. Her eyes was still watery, but there was somethin’ else there now. It was somethin’ that looked a lot like surrender, and not on no weak shit. It was how she was choosin’ me with her whole soul even though she knew I came with chaos.
“You with me?” I asked.
She nodded slowly. “I’m with you.”
“Nah,” I murmured. “Say it right.”
