I stop breathing even as I drop my cigarette and charge across to her.
I drag her off the edge of the roof by the bag of her shirt, shaking her as I shout in her face. It doesn’t hit me until I stop shaking her that I’m shaking too.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!”
She stares blankly at me, and I shake her harder.
“How can you be so fucking stupid?”
Rhythmic pounding comes from a distance. My stomach is swimming with too much whiskey, and I shake her again, so fucking pissed at her.
“We saved you, and you’re like a fucking ghost doing nothing.”
Hands grab my arm, trying to pull me away from Byrdie.
Vonn shouts. “Let her go, Makhi.”
“What’s going on?” Nash asks.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I scream in her face. “You don’t fucking kill yourself. You fucking fight. Hit me.” I grab her right hand, ball it, and use it to punch my belly. “You fucking take it out on me.Me. I’m to blame for this. Not you. You don’t fucking die.”
Her face twists. Scrunches up. The first real tap against my belly, where I’m not pushing her to hit me, is so light I barely feel it.
I feel the next one though.
Vonn stops shouting at me as tears stream down Byrdie’s face. She’s smacking my belly with her hands curled up into not quite fists. She screams at me, shouting curses that don’t make sense, but I feel the impact of each word.
She’s hurting and she’s in pain, and she needs me to hurt too.
I get it.
I wrap my arms around her, taking each blow as it falls, leaning into them and wishing they were harder. Wishing it was me with pain so loud it silenced me.
Not her.
I keep my focus on Byrdie, catching her as she slumps to her knees. She’s sobbing now, no longer cursing or screaming.
I know all about the need to blow, of holding things in until you can’t help but explode.
I hold her against my chest as she cries. Out of the corner of my eye, Vonn is sitting quietly on the ground, head against the wall.
Nash disappears. He returns seconds later with a bundle in his arms. He drapes a navy blanket over Byrdie, who hiccups and shakes from the last of her tears.
I rub my hand up and down her back as Nash settles on the floor beside Vonn. Both watch me and Byrdie. Both are silent.
I hug her harder. My grip is too tight, but she doesn’t complain. Doesn’t push me away.
“I thought I would die out there and no one would care.” Her voice is husky from disuse and quiet with pain.
As I cradle the back of her head, her shaved hair feels bristly against my palm. “You haveus. I don’t always remember to use my brain, which is why I sometimes need Vonn to use his.” I glance over at Nash. “Not sure what Nash brings to the table, but you can always count on him to do something helpful.”
He scowls at me. Vonn barks out a laugh, and when I peer down at Byrdie, she has a hint of a smile softening her beautiful, but too-thin face.
“He gave me a safe haven,” she says quietly, looking at him. “The thing I needed more than anything else.”
I drag her into my arms again, breathing in the scent of her skin. “Then I guess I should stop underestimating the guy.”
With a sigh, Vonn pushes himself up from the ground. “How about we move this inside? My ass is falling asleep, and those storm clouds look like they’re headed this way.”
