Ikilledmy best friend because I told Matteo time and time again I was through. There’s no universe where he and I exist in the same room with the same plan. All these deciding factors and things I put into motion. I made it perfectly clear Levi was my strength, my courage, and my life.
I was the ringleader in this. I’m the reason I’ll never see Levi again.
“Please…” Ozzy’s voice, the melancholy in it, draws my attention once more and so does his outstretched palm.
I can’t deny this silent asshole eases me into a state of calm.
But it’s conflicting with intense fury that wants to go out and slit Matteo’s throat while I watch him bleed out in front of me.
“You don’t want to be around me, Oz,” I say simply, those dark blues penetrating through the middle of my emotions like the Red Sea. “Please…just let me go.”
It’s a civil war in my head, and I just want the bad side of it. I need the frenzied state so I don’t lose myself in grief.
Not until this is all said and done. Then I’ll deal with it.
“I’m no good for you,” I explain to really drive my point home. “You shouldn’t have come out of those shadows… You were safe there.”
He spreads his fingers, lips parted, and he’s so torturously beautiful. A sweet nature with a bad boy exterior filled with black ink and piercing eyes that could strangle you to his will.
I’m trapped without walls or chains because it’shimthat keeps me still and grounded.
“I need you,” he mutters ever-so-softly, cracking something hard in my body as a sob breaks free and causes my eyes to snap shut.
“Please don’t.”
“Bay…”
“Youcan’tright now,” I retort steely, a twinge of irritation coursing through me because he’s not getting it. Iwilldrive him to madness. I will hurt him.
I did it to Torin.
I did it to Reeve.
Cairo is on his way, and I fucking sent Levi off to his ultimate demise. I shouldn’t have fallen for the Forsaken boys in the first place. If it weren’t for all of this, Levi would be in South Shore safe. This never would’ve happened.
You should go off yourself right now for everyone’s sake. You’re just no good to anyone here.
Judah was right.
But what about Ellie and Mae? What is going to happen to them? Are they going to die too because you can’t keep your fucking mouth shut?
Ozzy doesn’t understand I’m just as much of a fuckhead as Torin is. And I don’t want to be the one who makes Ozzy feel obsolete. He deserves a well-rounded girl who can give him the attention he merits and nothing less. Someone sweet-natured and patient. A woman who isn’t a complete psychopath when she believes the situation warrants it.
“I can’t be what you need,” I vouch evenly, the words caught up in my throat. “I’m not someone who’s going to make you better.” I crack my lids open and find him through glossy vision. “I care about you… Please don’t be in the way.”
He slowly rocks his head back and forth, denying he could nevernotbe.
However, he can’t save me from this, and I don’t need him to try.
“I’m only going tobetrayyou,” I grind out. “Don’t you understand? You’re going to want me to stay put, and I can’t. There’s no way I’m letting him walk around with…”
He didn’t make it. They couldn’t save him.
No. No. No.
I drop my head, and suddenly I can’t breathe.
I can’t do this.
