I never should have allowed myself to feel for her, nor should I have revealed myself out of the shadows.
I fucked up.
I bit off way more than I could chew and withpeoplecome emotions and attachments and things I can’t dissolve.
I don’t do those things.
I can’t.
I’ve been around hardened criminals for almost six years. There was no coddling in prison. It was hate, rage, and fucking chaos all the damn time. After Vivian, I understood I couldn’t give out my feelings or form tight attachments. It didn’t end well the first time. Vivian’s love for me was fake. It was given to me so I could please her, no matter the cost, because I would pay it.
I did.
I’m not going to do it again.
I’m not going back to prison.
“Ozzy,lookat me.”
I don’t, and she huffs at my blatant defiance.
“I don’t know what just happened…but I’m not leaving South Shore. I’m here. There’s no plan. I’m not running away.”
My eyes flick up to her, listening and trying to comprehend the hidden meaning behind those words.
I can’t.
Is it because she’s Queen of South Shore, and she feels obligated to stay? She was going to leave with Wallace once upon a time, so what changed?
I gape at her and look for any clue that she’s fucking with me.
My first thought is, what does she want? Why does she want me here? Why did she want me on the couch?
Why did she say that?
“You’re freaking out.”
Three words.
And I want to leave.
There’s some sort of superpower Bay Astor has, and it’s top-notch, as if she trained to be a spy her whole life.
Vivian couldn’t tell when I was having a nervous breakdown. Or maybe she didn’t care.
Maybe I’m not as deep as I think I am.
I could be so easily read that everyone knows how completely fucked up I am.
“Sit,” Bay orders, pointing at the coffee table in front of her. “We end this shit right now.”
I have no fucking idea what she believes she’s going to do, but I stand, frozen to my spot.
“Show me what I need to do. I need you to guide me through this. How can I express that I care without you thinking I have an ulterior motive, Oz?”
She’ll bleed for me.
It’s my first thought and the only way I’ll know she’s serious.
