He stood up and grabbed a hold of my hand, insisting that we needed to go. The sheer alert in his voice sent cold through me. I didn’t have a clue what was happening, but I could see the focus in his shift as he pulled me towards the exit, the first few people in the crowd were calling his name and had their cell phones out. Some professional cameras scattered here and there.
“Mr Kwon is that your girlfriend?” one of the reporters asked, unsure whether I should laugh at the absurdity of it. I witnessed as he shielded my face from the flashing with his arm.
“Do not pay them any attention just keep walking.” He instructed and I matched his pace.
I had never in my life experienced anything like this it was almost as if they appeared from nowhere, and we’re hungry for something worse than blood, for a story they could spin for countless amounts of money. It was almost as if his life or some reality show to them. And that was the first time that I felt as though he was no longer just the boy next-door, but a celebrity a real one the kind that you saw on TV walking down red carpets.
“Wynter they’re—”
“I’m aware.” He insisted. “To the car come on.”
it struck me to my core, how his voice remains so calm even in this kind of uncomfortable situation. It was almost like he dealt with it before. It was a practice kind of reassurance. The questions from the crowd continue to follow, nevertheless.
Are you dating Wynter, who is the mystery girl, what’s your relationship your fans are dying to know?
He ignored them all.
I felt like the world was closing and around me the snow, that at once felt magical with suddenly just this cold and overwhelming thing, the questions got louder and more intrusive but soon enough, we got to the car and shut the door, tinted windows up and all. My heart was still pounding. When he turned to face me his expression shifted from something of annoyance to a deep concern, concern for me, he placed his palms on either of my cheeks, staring deep into my eyes.
“Are you okay?” He asked,
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I shrugged.
“it’s okay if you’re not, I wouldn’t be after experiencing something like that for the first time.” He insisted. “I’m sorry they ruined your day, I’ll make it up to you.”
“I just didn’t realize how crazy this could get,” I answered honestly.
“It’s not exactly my favourite part of the job either.” He responded both bitterly and sadly. “I do apologize.”
“You don’t have to say you’re sorry it’s not like you chose for this to happen.” I assured him, “How long have you been dealing with all of this?”
“it was easier before the gold medal, before the Olympics. But the second that I won, the second I was over 18– It’s like the press took that is free reign to get as close as they could as legally possible.” He explained, “Sometimes I can get away with it though, and not be spotted. But sometimes I’m also not as lucky and I’m truly sorry you had to be there for it.”
“I don’t blame you for it.” I assured him placing my hand over his. “At all.”
I smiled then, more honestly. It felt nice to know that, even in the midst of everything, he still cared about me—about making sure I was okay.
29
I Will Try To Fix You
Flashback summer 16
Yesoh 16’ Wynter 18’
Wynter fingers shook as they touched the fragile paper. The letters were indeed worn with time, but still legible. He didn’t mean to find them at least not intentionally not like that but they were there hidden in a box by the door to his sister‘s room and she’d been distant lately and he was curious. The handwriting was unmistakable, and it was Hannah‘s flowing and elegant. The sharp sudden clarity pierced through his mind, and what exactly was going on as his eyes skimmed over the writing.
Dearest Hannah,
I understand that you’ve never wanted me to figure you out, but I cannot help but want to know the depth of you, the real you and not the performance you put on for everybody else. Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough to even talk to you-- you’re so much cooler than me and smarter. It makes me feel oddly inferior. But you don’t make me feel that way, and that means more than you know. As someone who’s always sort of lived in the background of siblings who have much louder personalities speaking to you amplifies my voice.
I know you’ve been hanging out with my brother lately, but I don’t think it’s anything more right? I didn’t know you were into boys. I thought you were like me. But if you just tell me, I’d understand I’m not expecting anything, just maybe an answer at the very least. Writing to you before the summer, pouring my heart out on paper and just letting myself finally live out my truth even if it’s in our own little made up world meant everything to me. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I wasn’t honest with you about that. Sometimes I remember what you said about life not being as easy as black-and-white and maybe you’re right maybe we can exist in the gray space together and make our own colors and I hope even if it’s just a little that you feel what I do too.
Yours Jiwon
Jiwon,
I think you’re misunderstanding something. I don’t feel things the way you do. I’m not built that way. It’s sweet of you to think that there’s something real here but honestly? You’re being quite a bit dramatic Wynter was always the one that I wanted, you and I were just penpals don’t think too deeply into it. I’m flattered that you admire me so much. It’s adorable but Whatever it is that you’re hoping for you should stop it nowyou are my friend and that was all that we will ever be if I led you to believe otherwise I’m sorry, but that’s on you. And don’t go around spreading this kind of thing about me you know my mom‘s Catholic and she kill me at the mention of it. I won’t drown with you I want to float.
