I let out a shaky breath, pressing my face into her lap. “I know it’s stupid…to feel this way. It’s not like he owes me anything. I just…I can’t stand the thought of her…taking advantage of him.”
Sydney’s hand stilled, then started again, a steady rhythm that kept me grounded. “Yesoh,” she said, her tone measured, kind but firm. “Wynter’s… He’s not a baby. He’s seventeen—almost eighteen which is an adult. I don’t think shemagicallygot him in her bed, you know? I know it’s a harsh truth, but I’m your best friend I have to feed you harsh truths but at least it’ll be on a pretty pink spoon and I’ll give you a digestive after. The truth is that he probably…wantedit.”
Her words hit like a splash of cold water. I opened my eyes, staring at the ground, trying to grapple with the truth she’d laid out so plainly. It hurt more than I thought it would, more than the jealousy, more than the anger. Wynterwasn’tgoing to be a kid with me much longer anymore. Hewasn’twaiting for me, and heneverhad been.
All those days, all those moments I’d held close, thinking that maybe, one day, he’d look at me and see more than his friend’s little sister… I’d been so naive. Just becauseI’dwaited didn’t mean he would, or that he even should.
Because the truth was that it’d be easy to pin all the blame on Hannah that summer, easy to pin it on Wynter as well for allowing it. But the matter of the fact was that it was all onme.
I felt my chest tighten, this strange, sinking realization settling in. Wynter was moving ahead, taking steps forward, ones that Icouldn’tfollow. And that would keep happening, wouldn’t it? He’d always be a little ahead of me, always somewhere I couldn’t quite reach.
Sydney’s hand moved down to my shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. I wasn’t sure how long we sat there, her quiet presence keeping me from completely falling apart, from letting this spiral into something darker.
“I know you might hate me for asking this, but I have to know for sure, and if you answer me honestly then I’llneverask again.” She sighed, taking a pause. “Are you certain that there is no other boy out there you like, even just a little, that there’s no one else you think is much more within reach and worthy of your attention?”
“Sydney,” I threatened,
“Answerme, Soh,” she insisted.
“It has only ever been Wynter. It is only him and it will always be about him. If not then I don’t want romance. I won’t waste my time because I know that no one else could ever make me feel like he does. I’ll focus on ballet, I’ll train so hard I don’t have the time to entertain another. He can keep moving forward, and I’ll keep reaching for my own goals, until the day comes—if it ever does that he wakes up and sees me,” I explicated deluded by my fifteen-year-old fervour.
“Okay then.” Sydney sighed.
“Okay then?”
“So be it.” She nodded, “If it will always be Wynter Andy Kwon for you, then so be it.”
“You don’t judge me, you don’t think I’m silly?”
“That’s not my place. I’m just here to love you.” Syd smiled.
And it was then that was when I knew I had found my truest friend and my sister for life.
Later, when I finally pulled myself together enough to get up, I wandered down to the beach, hoping maybe the sound of the waves would drown out the ache still sitting in my chest. I was lost in my thoughts when I looked up and saw Wynter coming down the path, his silhouette familiar and steady against the fading light. He wore a striking red zip-up that day that I witnessed a massacre of my heart.
“Hey, Yesoh!” he greeted, his voice light, like everything was the same as it always had been.
“Hi,” I said plainly, but the words felt stiff in my mouth. He smiled, but I couldn’t bring myself to smile back. The confusion in his eyes stung, but I didn’t soften. Why should I, when he didn’t even seem to realize what this was doing to me?
He took a step closer, his brow furrowing. “Are you…okay? Did I do something?”
“Oh, quit the act,” I scoffed. “Unbelievable.”
“What?” he perplexed in confusion. “I don’t understand…”
“You never seem to, do you? Stop playing dumb, unfortunately, I don’t find that endearing, I find it callous,” I informed him, and he stepped back at that.
“What did I… I don’t—”
I wanted to shake him, tomakehim see. “I just thought you should know…Hannah’s making your sisters uncomfortable,” I said, my voice sharper than I intended. “You’ve been so focused on…other things, maybe you didn’t notice.”
He flinched, the hurt flashing in his eyes, and for a second, I almost regretted it. But it was too late to take it back, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. He opened his mouth, like he was going to say something, but I shook my head, cutting him off.
“You’re being selfish,” I said, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. “You’re not thinking about anyone else. And if you don’t want to see it, that’s on you, but don’t expect me to pretend everything’s fine.”
The silence hung heavy between us, and I could see he wanted to argue, to tell me I was wrong. But he didn’t. He just stood there, looking at me, the hurt and confusion still clouding his face.
Finally, he nodded, a slow, painful acknowledgement. “I…didn’t realize.”
