"He's been weird since that day at the park when he saw the poster, which obviously I don't fault him for having that reaction—anyone would. But what I do fault him for is being a coward afterwards and ignoring me!" I complained.
"I keep telling you, men will waste your precious time. Just stay away from them," Sydney sighed, taking out a light pink shade of nail polish from my dresser and starting to color her toes.
"Last I checked, you and Jax have been married since you were fifteen?" Remi reminded her. "So you have no room to hate on a girl for trying."
"Well, fair enough, but I just hate to see you get hurt again, Yesoh. Let's not forget that the history book on the shelf tends to—"
"Repeat itself. I know. I listen to ABBA and I've watched Mamma Mia twelve times!" I exasperated. "But I've been trying to tell you guys that this isn't the same as when we were kids."
"How, Yesoh?" Remi sighed. "Because from what you've described, it doesn't seem all that different from when you were fifteen."
"You don't have to believe me," I choked, shaking my head and glancing out the window. "You can even call me crazy."
"Cahya did say you get a bit…crazy about him," Sydney recalled with a cheeky smile.
"He used to look past me," I explained, looking back at them, "but now he sees right through me."
"Do we ever get to know what's in that diary?" Remi questioned. "Not that I'm nosy or anything!"
"It's betrayal enough for me to read it, but to show others, I— he'd never forgive me," I told them. "You'll just have to take my word for it."
"You're my best friend, Soh. I'll always take your word as gospel, but I need you to be sure about it this time. Because the risk you're taking, there's no going back. It's all in, witheverything you've got, to get through to him, or nothing at all," Sydney warned me, her face turning stern.
"You also need to be prepared to face the potential backlash if he finds out. When you fall and lose balance in ballet, what do you do? Do you deny it? Do you throw a fit?" Remi foretold. "No, you take your stumble in stride. You get back up."
"I understand," I assured them. "I just don't understand why he's pulling away from me."
"What happens when water meets a live wire?" Remi asked me.
"What?" I muttered in confusion. "Since when are we women in STEM?"
"It causes an electric shock because of the sparks," Sydney answered. "Oh!"
"Exactly. So if you're right, and as you say, things have changed between you two, maybe those sparks caused a shock too, one that he didn't see coming," Remi anticipated.
"Yeah, that, or he thinks you're super annoying and despises your existence!" Sydney calculated, and then the room fell silent. "Oh, come on, what did I do? I thought we were being science girlies and exploring all possibilities?"
"Whatever. Not to mention that cryptic text he sent about us all meeting at his apartment," I pondered. "He's being weird."
"Or maybe he just wants to see his friends again," Remi suggested. "Did you guys even consider that, or jumped straight into 'he's a freak' territory?"
"You're right, Remi. I mean, we've barely seen each other since he came back. Maybe he just wants to see us all together again," Sydney thought. "Soh, do you want to go with Jax and I? He's picking me up tomorrow evening."
"Yeah, sure," I agreed. "Anyways, I have to go practice. Auditions are in a week. I can't waste any time."
"I hope those jerks aren't still giving you a hard time about wanting to be lead as a woman of color?" Remi seethed. "They're such privileged, ostentatious losers."
"Ditto. They have this singular image of what the poster Juilliard prima should look like, and they don't even realize it's deeply rooted in racism," Sydney huffed. "I saw this down south too when I was growing up."
"And what's worse is that the worst thing I could possibly do is let them see that it gets to me—no, I'll never allow that," I asserted, grabbing my bag. "Thanks for listening, guys."
"I love you, Soh. I'll even visit you after he files a restraining order on you and you end up in the local psych ward," Sydney smiled, blowing a kiss at me.
"I'll decorate your straightjacket," Remi offered, and I rolled my eyes playfully.
A good friend is worth, well, everything.
The next day
