"What I just witnessed in the doorway to your bedroom with that man says otherwise." She retaliated and I sighed taking a deep breath,
"My relationship with River just-- it just happened. And I triedsohard not to care for him but I do and he cares for me too I know it." It wasn't even a relationship but I knew referring to it as anything else would only make her angrier.
"Relationship?" She laughed clapping her hands, "So you think you are a woman now eh, you are mature enough to be allowing men in your bed and neglecting your studies?"
"I havenotneglected my studies, I have been working so hard to please you and papa, every day I've spent at the academy!" I burst out and she was taken aback,
"That ignorant white man has made you lose your senses-" She began but I cut her off once more,
"Do not speak about him that way, you don't know him." I protested but that's when I felt the sharp impact of her hand against my cheek, her slap was quick and just as painful as it felt when I was a disobedient child.
"Don't you dare speak to me in that way!" Mama scolded her ageing dark brown eyes stern, "Nilikaa siku mbili katika uchungu wa kuzaa na nilijua utakuwa mgumu. Nilichukulia jukumu hilo kwa wepesi na sitatoa maisha yako ya baadaye kwa mzungu ambaye hatakuona kama rangi ya ngozi yako."I stayed two days in labour pains and I knew it would be hard. I took that responsibility and you will not give your future life to a white man who will never be able to see you as any more than the colour of your skin. "You may think I don't understand but I do and that's why you're coming home with me for Thanksgiving, and I don't think it's best for you to return."
Mama hadn't slapped me since I was eight years old, because I hadn't given her a reason to, not that anyone can ever give a parent a reason to hit them. It's just how things had been growing up in an African household, it's a form of discipline no matter how cruel and unnecessary a punishment. I didn’t dare look up at her, because if I did I would cry and I didn’t want to cry in front of her.
I couldn't let her take away my dreams when they were the only thing that kept me going the entire time I lived under her roof. I couldn't let her bitter my first taste at the sweeter things life had to offer and most importantly I couldn't let her take me away from the man I had grown to care for, away from River Kennedy. But I knew better than to think there was any changing my mother's mind once she'd made it up, I would be going home with her for Thanksgiving and probably never returning.
"I will be back tomorrow morning to pick you up, I'm staying at The Rocher Hotel, our flight is at eight and Ihighlysuggest you pack everything." She insisted, leaning down to kiss me on the exact cheek she'd hurt a few seconds ago, I flinched away from her touch and she gave me a cold smile.
"Everything I do I do for you." She told me, like that would make things better, before she left the room.
I checked my phone and there was River's name on the screen, he was calling me, but why? I picked up the phone and my heart leapt when I heard his voice on the other end.
"Let's go." He said and my mind was still far too scrambled by my mother's words to even fathom what he was saying,
"Where?" I asked,
"Does it matter?" He replied and he was right, it didn’t fucking matter I just wanted to leave right now.
I raced back down campus and got in the front seat of his Porsche, a few girls from my class gossiping by the bench, but I ignored them. River turned to me and noticed the slight redness in my cheek and lifted a hand to caress the swollen spot. His expression was pained at first almost like he too had been hurt but then it turned enraged.
"Did she do this?" He asked and I nodded silently in agreement feeling the lump begin to form in my throat and a part of me hoped he wouldn’t ask-
"Are you okay?" He asked anyway and that was all it took for me to let a treacherous tear fall down my face and he immediately wiped it away.
"She's taking me home with her for Thanksgiving, and she doesn't want me to come back because she thinks you're distracting me from my purpose," I told him as she told me, “Whatever the hell that meant.”
"Am I?" He asked and yet another tear slipped past,
"No, not at all you're not to blame for my grades nor for whatever mess I've gotten myself into this time. I'm sorry for how she spoke to you earlier, she's just scared is all." I assured him,
"Of what?" He retorted and I leaned into the warmth of the palm of his hand,
"That you're taking away her daughter." I murmured but he somehow heard me, "A daughter that was never hers, to begin with."
"Armani, I'm sorry." River apologized and I gave him a look that saidwhat on earth for?"That she hurt you like that and there's nothing we can do about it. It's not fucking fair."
We
We
We
He didn't say I or you butweand I didn't know such a little word could mean so very much to me. It’s a word that meant that for the first time in my life, I wasn’t in this on my own.
"Things are different where I come from, parents see this as a form of discipline out of love and I try to remind myself that no matter how unethical it's all she knows and all my grandmother knew and her mother before that." I tried explaining to him, and while I could tell he still didn’t exactly understand he was willing to accept it. "If I don't come back I-"
"Let's not think that far ahead, let's think about the now." River suggested before I could even finish my sentence, "So tell me, what would you like to do now, anything at all?"
