"No I don't, he's just my friend," I assured him stepping closer towards him,
"I didn't mean to-" he began, but I could already see the uncertainty and worry on his face so, I cut him off once more, I placed both my hands on either side of his face as he leaned his forehead and pressed it against mine.
"I know you didn't, it's okay." I declared, "It was bound to happen this way, and Fabian will understand eventually. Be it today, tomorrow, or even months after- why I had to choose and why it had to beyou." I explained with my eyes shut.
"Thank you, Armani," River said, his voice which was usually so strong, almost inaudible.
"What on earth for?" I asked with a little laugh,
"For making things easier for me, for letting mebreathe, and for making everything hurt a little less." He told me and I wanted to hug him so badly, but even though I'd had him between my legs embracing him still seemed like something so incredibly intimate.
So I just held his hand and he squeezed mine back and it made my heart flutter, this had to be one of the best feelings in the world. As much as I really didn't want to, I decided to disappear for a little bit and find our other friends. Fabian was on the lounge chair having a seemingly heavy conversation with a certain sharp-tongued host from London.
Keomi and Mer were laughing at the bar and I made my way over to them and they greeted me with sympathetic eyes.
"You finally let him down easy huh?" Mer sighed glancing at Fabian and taking a sip of her drink,
"How'd you know?" I asked and she shrugged,
"I may have heard it down the grapevine." She murmured and I gave her a sad little laugh pulling up a barstool next to them.
"I feel like a total dick." I groaned, "He looked so...hurt."
"Fabian is like a little kid sometimes, he sees something he likes and clings onto it for dear life and when he can't have it he loses his shit," Keomi told me and I could tell she'd had a few drinks, she was only ever this brutally honest when she's tipsy.
"He did the exact same thing last year with Elle." Mer told me, "He pined over her for months and when he finally got close enough to her he found out she was only using him to get Mr tall, brooding and handsome."
"Well he wasn't broodingthenMer, he was a lot more free-spirited if you will," Keomi added and I couldn’t imagine River Kennedy being even remotely free-spirited.
It was almost like there was this entire season I missed of a TV Show I was starring in, like I had to fill in the blanks with nothing but my own imagination and the little bits and pieces of information people told me. It was like there was this entire chapter of his life and this whole different version of him I missed. And if I was being honest it bothered me at first.
I kept pushing him and our friends to tell me the truth about everything that happened, I was basically forcing them to do the one thing they swore they never would-livethrough the past. All they ever wanted to do was move on and I'd made it nearly impossible.
My gaze caught River's who was waiting by the entrance for me with his car keys in hand.
"I think I'm growing to like all versions of him," I admitted and Mer gave Keomi a knowing look.
"We saw you guys heading upstairs, have a fun night?" Keomi asked,
"I don't kiss and tell." I assured them, "Now if you'll excuse me I think I'm going to turn in for the night."
"Remember what I said about protection, I'm serious Armani, our friend group isn't ready to put up with a combination of the both of you." Keomi recounted and I rolled my eyes playfully before making my way back to River who wrapped his arm around me.
Somehow Ialwaysfound my way back to him.
Chapter 17
A Mutual Understanding
Dreamscape journal entry 2:
I FOLLOWED the trail of splattered blue paint through the woods until I found myself at an opening in a field of evergreen grass, and there stood a cottage.
I peeked in through the window to the tiny house in the countryside, the sun warm against my skin. The little cottage was made of the finest wood and was rough against my fingertips.
There was a young boy drawing at a table, his hair dark and skin porcelain, wearing a pair of overalls as he hunched over. I tapped gently at the window and he was bright and smiling when he stood up, I recognized him, he was the same one I’d seen before in the field except he was much older now. Maybe about twelve years old, no less than thirteen. He came over to me and opened the window, he seemed happier to see me this time.
“Hi,” I said waving at him.
