"I wish you would all stop speaking in some code I don't fucking understand, I wish you would stop acting like it's only me who feels this between us. You're...you're-" I argued beneath my breath so no one else could hear what we were talking about,
"Yours?" He spoke, "I'mnotyours Armani, I'm not anything right now, we're not anything and we can't be anything."
"Then why keep leading me on this entire time, why act like you care one day and act like I'm nothing to you the next?" I confronted and I was angry, Ideservedto be angry,
"Ineverlead you on, I let you know from the very beginning that I can't be who you need me to be for you, I can't give you all the things you want." He argued defensively,
"River, you've never even asked me what I want." I sneered, "It's been aboutyouthis entire time and I'm tired of running around in circles with you because I'm the one who always gets hurt and left behind."
And then there was a beat of silence and I hoped that that was because he realised that I was right.
"I won't be left behind this time, I won't be your collateral damage." I expressed.
I laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation and I laughed because I was hurt and if I didn't laugh I would cry and I was so fucking done doing that. So I turned to Fabian and placed my hand on his the exact same way I did River's and made sure River watched.
"Fabian I’m actually free tonight, we should go watch that movie." I smiled and Fabian's eyes lit up at my statement,
I had no reason,noreason to turn him down anymore.
River narrowed his eyes at me in anger and frustration and I could see him digging his nails into the palms of his hand, that terrible habit I noticed he caved into when he got frustrated. I wanted to tell him to stop but I was mad at him and I wanted him to hurt as much as I did. So I simply looked away and returned my gaze to Fabian who was already looking up movie time showings at the downtown cinema.
"Are you okay, you seem kind of on edge?" Fabian asked running a hand through his loose curls,
"I'm okay, just stressed about exams." I lied and he believed me,
"Well, hopefully, tonight will give you the opportunity to let loose and forget about school for a little while." He proposed playfully nudging my shoulder.
Maybe it was wrong to only be going out with Fabian because River had rejected me yet again, maybe a part of me felt like I was using him and that he didn't deserve it, that he didn't deserve to have me play with his emotions. But I would’ve accompanied him regardless if I hadn’t made other plans and all sense had left me in this compelling orchestra of cruel intentions I was playing with River Kennedy. Sometimes I felt like he was brought into my life to turn everything upside down. To make me doubt and forget everything I thought I knew.
Once Keomi, Gene and Mer had left to go shopping for their costumes I knew it would be awkward so I decided to leave with Fabian. River didn't try to stop me and apologise, he just watched emotionless as Fabian opened the taxi door for me and I disappeared down the road. Fabian and I talked about anything and everything at a thousand miles per hour, conversations were so effortless with him and I didn't realise when we'd arrived at the Cinema.
It had an archaic style to it, like something straight out of the 1950s and it made me want to go back in time and experience it when the idea of film was still fresh in people's minds.
Fabian and I made it to the front desk and paid for our tickets. The ticket sales lady was a tired-looking brunette with dark circles beneath her age-old rusty amber eyes.
"Merci, thank you for visiting and enjoy the film." She said in a monotonous voice as though she simply had to show this little enthusiasm off script.
"What snacks do you want?" Fabian asked looking through the glass at the selection of chocolate and candy,
"I'll have the sour gummy bears please," I told him and he picked them out for me before we made our way into the theatre. I was whispering because I didn't want to interrupt the other moviegoers.
But to our surprise, we were the only people in the entire theatre room. Fabian had mentioned earlier that the Downtown theatre wasn't popular these days and didn't get many attendees. Some part of me when I looked at Fabian who didn't seem to mind that we'd be all alone knew that he'd intended for it to be this way.
"This is...odd," I commented on the awkwardness of the situation,
"Not really." Fabian shrugged, "I guess it's just you and me, that's not so bad right?"
I paused for a second not knowing exactly what to say but also not wanting to disappoint him again.
"Not bad at all." I smiled amiably.
We took a seat directly in the front row and watched the movie credits begin to roll in, I wondered why in French films the credits always come in at the very beginning. I remembered watching Amelie for the first time in school and having my entire eighth-grade French class freak out about all the raunchy scenes. Watching it then as an adult, no longer bearing the curiosities of a thirteen-year-old It wasn’t as fascinating.
And I turned my gaze to Fabian who was looking awfully casual and nonchalant at the scene in front of us. He didn’t react, he didn’t flush uncontrollably like the boys from eighth grade nor was he mesmerised like I once was.
"I can't imagine how uncomfortable this must've been to film." I disclosed and Fabian's eyes gleamed with amusement,
"This is France if you want to make it as a film actor you've got to be prepared to shed a few layers," Fabian told me and I was taken back,
