There exists a familiar analogy that I had found myself contemplating over time, and it was that of how long it would take a person to decide to save you, if you were drowning? At what point exactly would it register in their mind that this person was in need of help, how long would it take the swimmer to get the courage to call out for help? And perhaps it would be too late if their saviour thought that they were waving and not drowning.
Peut-être que je ne saurais jamais.
We all decided to spend the morning down at the Lake to get some fresh air and admire the scenery. Lake Geneva was beautiful and glistened beneath the early morning sun, Morillon ducks swam and ruffled their feathers in the water. Merilla brought a record with her and played some reggae music her mom sent her to remind her of home. Everyone was in their swimsuits and taking a dip in the water, all except River of course who for whatever reason had decided it was too early to be having fun. He wore jeans and a plain black t-shirt with a tiny yellow umbrella on it.
He was always a stickler for little details like that, he always made sure that even if his outfit was plain to add a little splash of colour. It was cute, and I always noticed.
I wore a pretty lilac-blue bikini I'd bought at a little boutique with Keomi a few weeks after I'd arrived in Paris. I begun to pick up a few seashells along the shore, the most enchanting I'd ever seen, I accidentally picked up a shell that still had a little critter squirming inside and I decided it was best to simply toss it back into the water.
Just then Keomi came out with a trey and a jug of lemonade, I wondered how she could be so creative when we barely had anything in the fridge. We all thanked her and poured a glass.
"It's my mom's recipe, I learned it from my sister," Keomi told me and I couldn’t help but wonder,
"If it's your mom's recipe, why'd you have to learn it from your sister?" I asked and her eyes softened,
"Ma mère avec moi used to be very close when I was a girl, but inevitably we drifted apart when our ideas of what my life should look like began to differ." Keomi reminisced, "Are you close with your mother?"
"No," I realized and I had to admit it hurt, "Not at all and quite frankly I don't think we've ever been, my mother knows the version of me that I want her to know."
"I completely understand, sometimes I just feel like I can't live up to the perfect daughter image of me she made up in her head." Keomi sighed and I placed my hand on hers,
"I see you," I assured her,
"And I you." She smiled, and I knew I could always be myself around her.
"There's no fucking way you're seriously wearing pants at the beach!" Merilla exclaimed and River shrugged, humouring her with a slight smile.
I carried as many seashells as I could in my hands and made my way over to where River was seated with a sketchbook on a bench. I sat down next to him and placed them all in a pile next to him,
"Look what I found!" I beamed, feeling incredibly proud of myself,
River let out what I assumed was a slight laugh before turning back to his sketch which for some reason he wouldn't let me see.
"Open up your hand," I asked of him, hiding the surprise behind my back. There was sand in my hair and I had no idea how I was going to wash it out.
"I'm busy, Armani." River dismissed and I pouted,
"Come on no you're not just do it." I encouraged and his eyes held a slight irritation but he opened up his palm to me anyway and maybe I overthought the gesture as I happened to most of the time, but it meant a lot to me.
I placed a pretty sepia and white shell in his hand, it was the best one I'd managed to find and I didn't really have anyone else to give it to, so I figured that I wanted him to have it.
"This one is for you." I told him and for a second, he didn't seem so wistful and guarded.
“A seashell, for me?” He wondered, his eyes glistened a little, or maybe it was just a sunny day.
"Just for you," I mused with a gentle smile.
"Oh." He realized almost as if he was unable to comprehend my kindness.
"Relax for once, River, we’re on vacation." I reminded him.
I got up to take my shells inside and grab a few towels for everyone. I made my way to the laundry room where all the clean towels were. And yet in that moment when I was completely happy, for the first time in a while actually I couldn't help but think about how I had lied to my mom. And how I'd broken nearly all the promises I'd made to her and papa before I came here.
I knew my parents had always been firm with me and whether or not that was with good reason and intention I'm not sure I know anymore. The very second I set off for Paris on my own I began to doubt everything I'd ever known, I was playing a game of chance and something told me there was certainly no in between, I would either come out victorious or I would lose.
Just then I felt the presence of someone standing behind me, I got the feeling that it wasn't Keomi or Merilla or even Geneviève. It was a presence I'd grown to be familiar with, a comforting silence of sorts. I felt a hand slip through the hip of my bikini, a gentle finger against my skin that spun me around and pulled me closer.
"What's on your mind?" River asked his voice deep like melting honey pouring down my back and all-consuming,
