"River I-" I begun but he spoke once more,
"I'm not on them anymore, if that's what you're worried about.” He responded with a sad excuse for a laugh, “But the sleeplessness never left hence the sleeping pills." He told me, and I recalled our conversation that night on the Eiffel Tower, he looked up at me again and then his expression fell, "You must understand that there's a lot I'm still trying to figure out and deal with, so I can't and I won't be the person you need me to be for you." He said as though that very sentence was intended to be the final thing that pushed me away once and for all, tears spilt from my eyes uncontrollably.
It was then I knew, his pain in the most curious of ways, was my pain. That I was doomed to feel his emotions vicariously, I felt like I was losing it.
"Come." I simply beckoned, and he placed the paintbrush in water and made his way over to me, once again kneeling between my legs.
"I accept you as you are, completely and absolutely."
River looked down for a while and let go of a breath I don't even think he realized he was holding. He gazed up at me and wiped away my tears. He stood up, his eyes a little brighter, Still devouring me at his very glance.
"Stand." He instructed holding out his hand to me and I lifted myself from my seat and took his hand, which moulded perfectly into mine.
River pulled me towards him, my bare chest on his, and I try my best not to gasp at the sudden contact. He placed his hand on the small of my back and I impulsively leaned into his touch, I tilt my head back and he placed a slow trail of kisses down my neck and I was in pure ecstasy. His mouth was hot and oddly familiar against my skin, soft yet daring. He trailed his kiss lower to my chest,
"I won't take the liberty to touch you in that way just yet," River spoke as his lips pressed to my shoulder. I groaned in frustration and I could feel him grin against my skin.
His kisses turned wet and sloppy trailing back to my neck as I laced my fingers through the wisps of his dark hair, I felt his breath hitch at the contact as he moved his lips down to my belly— slow and agonizingly passionate.
"River..." I almost moaned, his name a sin on my lips like I was praying to the devil himself.
And then he stopped releasing me from his touch and lowering me back onto the seat, he returned to his place across the room.
"My name sounds good only on your tongue." He smiled his tauntingly beautiful smile. “Only on yours.”
Chapter 9
Connected
ITWASJUSTaftermidnight and my mind began to wander as it usually did at that hour, I closed my eyes, and images of what happened in the art room earlier began to flood my mind. My fingers wandered in the dark to all the places River touched...even places he didn't, places I wanted him to touch. He was frustrating in all the most pleasurable ways.
I thought about how he'd opened up to me last night, how he'd had the courage and felt close enough to me to let me into his mind palace. I was happy that he'd done so, and shared this burden with me. But I still got the idea that he was still not telling me everything, I mean, of course, he wasn't and I'd ask him about that another time, and if he didn't want to tell me even then I'd simply have to learn to be okay with it. I was still a bit of a stranger to him after all, I couldn’t expect the world.
I couldn't imagine what it must've been like to lose your best friend, I'd never had one, I didn't have time to do normal teenage things like making friends during high school because I was far too busy working to get here, at St Katherine's. And sometimes I wondered if it was all worth it, if my efforts would soon pay off. That all the sacrifices I'd made during high school to my social life were all worth it, because if they weren't— well if they weren't I wouldn't be able to handle that.
Just as I was getting ready for school my cell phone begun to ring and I answered my mother’s call.
“Good morning Armani.” My mother greeted,
“Good morning mama, are you well?” I asked her, “How is everyone at home?”
“I’m well and so is your father and Jaadi. I just got back from the grocery store and I accidentally picked up that awful sugared cereal you like out of habit. Now it’ll sit in the pantry until you come back.” She disclosed with frustration but I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Is this your way of saying that you miss me mama?”
“What I’m saying is that I hope you’re staying focused on your studies. I got an email from your school telling me about how well you did on your recent photography project.” She trailed off for a bit before saying, “Your father and I were glad to hear it, we told all your aunties and uncles. Your bibi was very happy too.”
“Thank you. How is she now?” I asked, just like I’d been asking almost every day.
“She has her good days and her bad.”
“Oh okay.” I acknowledged feeling a lump rise in my throat, “If I don’t start off now I’ll be late to class, can we continue talking later?”
“Okay, have a good day,” Mama responded by hanging up and I tried my best not to cry as my heart longed for my bibi.
All my classes the next day were a complete bore, I had lunch with Merilla that day since I wasn’t sure exactly where Fabian and I stood. I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable about what I’d overheard yesterday. He did have good intentions at heart but him going up to River was completely wrong and I couldn't ignore that. I wanted Fabian to understand that even when I do get hurt that it's not his place to go ahead and fight my battles for me.
Merilla and I sat on a picnic blanket on the grass on campus for lunch, away from the hustle and bustle of the cafeteria. She was catching up on some last-minute studying for a computer science test she had in the next period. She wore an orange sweater with Garfield on it and a pair of plain black jeans. She had colourful Bobby pins in her thick dark curls as she tapped away at her laptop. I handed her a bright green Granny Smith apple from my lunch tray and she smiled taking a bite out of it.
