“How?” He asked, confused,
"I need you to--" I sighed, "I need you to talk to me,please."
"I can't give you the answers you're looking for. It's hard for me. It's a lot, Armani. You wouldn't understand ." He agonized, his expression slightly pained.
"Thenmakeme understand, make me understand why you're so indecisive and uncertain about me, why you're pushing me away when all I want is to--" I blurted out, and his gaze softened, and so did his grip on me,
"What?" He challenged, "What do you want?"
"Youknowwhat I want." I retaliated, leaning closer to him, so my chest was pressed against his. I gazed up into his eyes....divine.
"Yeah?" He said, trailing a curious finger along my side,
Gentle, River was gentle despite the roughness of his dictions and the torment of his mind. I placed one my of hands around the crook of his neck, and the other I used to swipe over the fullness of his rosy lips. River's eyes darkened as he let his daring tongue envelop the very tip of my thumb. His eyes danced with nothing but pure desire, and It was then I knew that I would give anything and everything to be the one to make him feel that way once more. If I got burned, at least, I knew I evoked something electric inside of him. Even if this spark ended up igniting me, I would keep fanning the flame.
Patient, River's hands were patient and reciprocated my touch, sweeping into the arch of my back as I leaned into him. His gaze shifted to my lips, and a shiver spun down my spine. Mercy, I needed all the gods to have mercy on me; For the same lips I used to pray to them, I was about to use for all the darkest sins.
"I want this.." I whispered my breath just as heavy as his, my voice merely a plea- I was almost begging him. And I could tell by the look in his eyes that he liked it.
And then my lips were feverishly on his. Soft, daring, forbidden. I wasn't expecting him to kiss me back, but he did. Hereallydid. Pleasure spread from my lower belly making my legs weaken as lips opened against his, and I slid my tongue into his mouth. A low grunt escaped him when I did so. I didn't expect a boy like River Kennedy, with his impenetrable exterior, to be so very soft, so very delicious. He tucked a curl of my hair behind my ear, and I devoured him with the very desperation and hunger I felt for him. Our breaths were heavy and wanting by the time I pulled away. His eyes were still shut when I opened my eyes. It seemed like a while before he finally opened them and said in the coldest tone,
"Icannotgive you that."
My heart sank, and I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the tears of betrayal begin to fall down my cheeks. I was trembling with anger and disappointment. I wouldn’t let him embarrass me like this, no— I wouldn’t dare allow it. I grabbed my bag and got out of there before I completely fell apart.
I left as soon as I could and wasted no more time trying to convince him that I was worth it because I was, damn it, and no one on this earth could ever convince me otherwise. I was exhausted from running around in circles with a ghost who was barely alive, barely feeling. I couldn't stop crying regardless. I was hurt and humiliated.
Once I'd arrived on campus and made my way towards the dorms, I was interested in nothing but taking a long hot shower and going to sleep, but I knew there was little to no chance of that once I saw her freckled skin and strawberry blonde curls.
"You look like hell." She criticized,
"For once, just let me be Geneviève!" I fumed, and she was taken aback by my forwardness.
"Uh, what's got your panties in a twist-" she began but I shoved past her and made my way up the long staircase to my room, where Keomi was knitting something in her beanbag chair, and Fabian was curled up in a book.
Keomi and Fabian shot each other a confused look, and just then, she stood up and opened her arms. I broke and leapt forward, reaching into her hug. I sobbed into her shoulder, and she ran her hands through my curls, rubbing my back.
"Shhh, it's okay. What happened?" She asked, and we sat down together on her bed.
"It's River he...I-" I began, and Fabian closed his book shut,
"Oh no, what happened this time?" She tisked,
"Nothing I didn't set myself up for; once again, I offered myself to up him on a silver platter, and he pushed me away." I cried. I had never let myself be this vulnerable in front of anybody like this before.
"You've got to let him go, Armani. River doesn't know how to be anything other than his emotionally unavailable self." Keomi cooed, "Tu brises ton cœur."You're breaking your own heart.
"I'm leaving." Fabian huffed before heading out the door, "River tends to ruin good things, and he's sure as hell going to ruin you."
Keomi and I talked for what felt like hours before I was ready to take a shower and curl myself up into bed. I stared up into the darkness at the ceiling. Perhaps there must be something very wrong with me because, despite the way River was towards me, no matter what he said or did, the only thing I could think about is what it'd be like to taste him again.
Perhaps this is why mama and papa had insisted I stay away from boys during my stay here. Perhaps they were right...I didn't want them to be right.Protect your heart, mama, would always tell Jaadi and me, for it is the strongest yet weakest part of you.
Chapter 8
Exposure
DreamscapeJournalentry1:little boy blue
