JACE CLAUDE MONET
"I'm sorry that I forgot your birthday, I know you'd never have done the same for me. I think I'm slowly starting to forget and it scares me how easily it's happening." He said and my heart breaks for him, "But I have to, I have to let go, I have to letusgo, I have to letyougo Jace. Forgive me, please for choosing myself just this once. Let me be selfish just this once."
I stepped forward and knelt down next to him and tried to pull him away from Jace's grave but he didn't move. "I'msorry." He cried, “But I can’t hold on anymore.”
"You're allowed to love again River," I assured him, "I'm sure he would say the same."
"It's easier to think so isn't it?" He laughed sadly, "I have nothing more to give, nothing more to feed the memory of what could've been. I can't hold on to him anymore, no more."
"Are you sure?" I asked not knowing exactly what he was talking about,
"I'm sure, I haveyounow, I have me, I have all I need." He said and I kissed his forehead as the rain soaked my clothes as it trickled down on us.
We drove back home in silence and he held my hand in a way that saidI need you. And I squeezed his hand back even tighter in a way that saidI'm here.
I held his hand when he took out the box from the art room and turned on the fireplace. I held his hand when he threw the paintings into the flames and we watched them burn to a crisp until they were unrecognisable. I held his hand when he tried not to cry and I promised him it was okay to do so and I held him in my arms through every sob that wracked his body as he did once with me, I held him when he cried so hard he couldn’t even speak a word after, I held him as he fell into a peaceful sleep.
"Merry Christmas my love." I hummed, my eyes drifting to the clock as his eyelids fluttered closed.
And alas River freed himself from the thorns that bound him.
Chapter 30
Samesies & Other Phrases
IT WAS a chilly winter morning and I was curled up next to River on the living room couch by the fireplace, skin to skin, I could feel his heartbeat under my fingers. The snow had just begun to melt and it wasn’t as chilly as it once was, the temperature wasn’t in the negatives but there was still a briskness to the air.
“Do you really have to go?” I sighed questioning him.
“Yes, I do.” He nodded, stroking his fingers down the length of my back.
“But why?” I whined pouting, “You can miss it.”
“I want to go to this vegan protest, there’s a food market afterwards that I’ve been looking forward to. It’s not every day that you go to a place where the food being prepared and served is catered solely towards you.” He expressed sitting up, his hair a little messy.
“Protests are so tiresome though.” I discouraged.
“It’s a small peaceful protest full of vegans, we don’t have the energy to cause any trouble for anyone, believe me.” He assured me with a slight laugh, but my eyebrows remained furrowed in disappointment. He then pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me, placing a hand on my chin and tilting it up so I could meet his eyes.
“Si seulement tu n'étais pas si jolie quand tu te plains.” River hummed, looking down at me through his long dark eyelashes.If only you weren’t so pretty when you complain.“Why don’t you come with me, my love?”
“Well….since you asked so nicely and are practically begging me to accompany you, why not?” I smiled and he rolled his eyes playfully, I kissed his cheek.
“I love you a lot.” River expressed slipping away from my grip and standing in the doorway of the living room, lingering for just a little while. “I hope you know that.”
“Samesies,” I responded with a giddy smile.
“Samesies?” He wondered in confusion.
“It just means me too, c’mon Kennedy catch up with the times.” I joked, tossing a pillow from the couch at him.
“Because of you, I learn something new every day.” He laughed, shaking his head.
Afterwards, we took a shower and put on warmer clothes; I wore a fluffy pink sweater with white bows and a floral dress, River always seemed so fascinated by my closet and the various arrays of colours that oriented it, he always watched with such fascination as I did the most mundane things, almost as if he couldn’t believe that I wasn’t just a figment of his imagination. Sometimes I felt as though he were merely a figment of mine too. Afterwards, we made our way to the train station, we’d be spending the day in the countryside where the protest and food market were taking place.
Once we arrived at a place called the Gallow, which was a farm with lots of land and blossoming flowers we took out our supplies and started making signs on the table alongside everyone else. If I’m being honest I wasn’t expecting so many people to show up or care about the consumption of meat in France so much. We were surrounded by hippies but they were very nice people, very passionate. I tried my best not to feel like I was in the film midsommer and that any minute I’d be required into a suspicious cult.
River and I had paint and markers staining our hands, I glanced over at his sign that read; animal agriculture is the leading cause of global warming, deforestation, species extinction, water depletion and ocean dead zones. Go green, go vegan. I smiled at how focused he appeared to be, just then he glanced over at my poster and my cheeks flushed.
