Dear Bibi,
I'm sorry I never made an effort to see you when you were ill, I feel horrible I really do. And I know that if you were here you'd tell me not to waste any more time crying over spilt milk. But this is not over milk, this is over you and you were my first everything. My first friend, my first free consort, my first smile, my first laugh, and my very first true loss. I don't think that life will ever be the same without you, I wish that I could see you one last time and tell you all of this to your face but I know that that's impossible.
I met someone, someone very special and he's actually the reason I had the courage to write to you today. You would've liked River if you got the chance you know him longer, I wish you stayed long enough to see what I see every time I look into his eyes. Sometimes if I'm being honest, I see the exact same all-knowing look and depth you had within you in him. All I'm asking for is a sign, any sign. So here it is, goodbye Bibi, know that I will see you in every sunset and every curl of my hair. Until next time, I love you always, Aminali Armani Achieng.
- Armani
I didn't even realise I was crying until River kneeled down and wiped my tears away. I shut my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.
"I'm not ready to say goodbye." I sobbed and he leaned his forehead against my own, he had his own letter in his hand and before he folded it up I caught a little glimpse of it.
You were half of my heart, but I’ve found a way to be whole once more.
-River
"I know but this will give you closure." He insisted and so I got up and we both put our letters into the bottle.
I corked the glass bottle and tossed it into the River and as I did I felt like this huge weight was being lifted off me, just a little, but that's all I needed these past few days. I turned and wrapped my arms around River and sobbed into his chest, my tears soaked his shirt as he stroked my hair, and the midnight air swirled around us.
"It gets better, ma lumière." He whispered,my light. He called me his light. I couldn't help but smile slightly as I remembered bibi's words all those years ago, "You will be his light, in this dark world as much as he is yours."
Chapter 25
Pandora's Box
"Hope...whichiswhisperedfromPandora's box only after all the other plagues and sorrows had escaped, is the best and last of all things. Without it, there is only time. And time pushes at our backs like a centrifuge, forcing us outward and away, until it nudges us into oblivion."
- Ian Caldwell
IT WAS the middle of December, the fifteenth to be exact and as winter swung around it got colder every day, I'd spent the past few days curled up in blankets, drinking hot cocoa and hating having to go to school. I danced to the music as River watched me idly laying on my little bed, Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits played on the speaker of my phone. I moved like a tone-deaf ballerina but I didn't care because I was having so much fun all on my own.
"You've hadwaytoo much coffee this morning," River warned with a slight laugh and I reached out for his hand,
"Come on baby dance with me." I encouraged and he looked behind him sarcastically as though I were talking to someone else, "S'il vous plaît?"Please,
“Les choses que je fais pour toi." He groaned,the things I do for you, and allowed me to pull him up towards me with my hand.
I pressed his body against mine and we moved slowly to the music, I must've stepped on his shoes at least five times but we just laughed it off. When I stepped forward, he stepped back and we swayed to the beautiful music. Things had been hard for me those past few weeks since the loss of my bibi, I missed her more and more every single day. River had been really supportive throughout and I hoped he knew how much I appreciated him just being there.
"C'est comme si je devais me rappeler tous les jours que tu es réel," River said softly.It's like I have to remind myself every day that you're real, and I smiled at him.
"Okay- where is my friend River and what on earth have you done with him?" Keomi exclaimed comically, I didn't even hear her enter the dorm room.
"Ha ha," River added, she laughed and so did I,
"I have violin practice this afternoon." Keomi told me tossing her bag on her bed, "Will you be okay on your own?"
I thought about it for a second, and I was about to say that I was but that would've been a terrible lie. I hated being alone right now, it gave me too much time inside of my own head and I didn't really feel safe there anymore, not just yet. Keomi waited for my answer just as River said,
"You can come with me this afternoon." He suggested and I felt horrible, I didn't want to be a burden to him and I knew he already had plans.
"But what about your mom, weren't you supposed to take her to her Gynaecologist since your dad's in New York?" I asked, "I can't ask you to do that."
"You're not asking me to do anything, I'm offering and it's okay, she's been asking who all the uh feminine hygiene products in my bathroom belong to," River added, my cheeks flushed and Keomi laughed,
"Shut up," I disapproved shoving his shoulder playfully,
"Okay then I guess you'll be alone-" he teased and I cut him short,
