“He’s in bad shape.”
“You said he was going to be okay.”
“I saidphysicallyhe’d be okay. He’s spiraled, Aspen. He feels like a failure.”
“Did he say that?”
“Didn’t need to. I’ve known this guy a long time.”
I flinched at the not-so-subtle dig. “Shots fired and landed.”
Mike scraped a hand over his unshaven chin. He looked as wrecked as I felt. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just think you should prepare yourself. You’ve only ever seen sober Joz, and that man is a different prospect from who you’ll see when you go in there. Private thoughts he never intended anyone to see spattered all over the internet has sent him to a dark place. I wanted to warn you, that’s all.”
I nodded. “I hear you. I’d like to see him alone.”
“Of course. I’ll be right here if you need anything.”
“Thanks.” I turned away, then turned back. “He’s lucky to have you, Mike.”
His smile was so sad, it broke something inside me. “Same.”
Drawing in a deep breath, I pushed down on the door handle and entered Joz’s hospital room. A nurse stationed in the far corner glanced up from scribbling on a plastic clipboardwith some papers tucked into the metal clip. She smiled, then returned to her work. I shifted my gaze to the hospital bed, where Joz was in a half-seated position, oxygen tubes beneath his nose, and an IV buried in his arm, possibly giving fluids or anti-heroin drugs. He was staring at the ceiling and didn’t look at me as I pulled up a chair and sat down.
“Hey.” I picked up his hand. He allowed me to, although he was limp and he didn’t return the squeeze I gave him. “Talk to me.”
Still no eye contact. “And say what?”
“Whatever you want to say.”
“I don’t want to say anything, Aspen.”
“Okay. I can roll with that.” I stood up and perched on the edge of his mattress, then lay down, folding myself into his side. I wrapped my arm around his waist and burrowed into his neck.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Being here for you.”
“You should leave.”
“Do you want me to leave?”Please say no.If he asked me to go, I’d have no choice but to abide by his wishes. But the man was hurting on a cellular level. I needed him to know I was ready to walk the hard path right by his side.
One word forced its way past his lips, choked. “No.”
“Then, I’m here for as long as you need me.” I squeezed him tighter, burrowed nearer. “I love you.”
“I’m damaged fucking goods, Spitfire. You should run as far away from me as possible.”
My heart soared. He’d used my nickname. My Joz was in there somewhere, screaming for help. I intended to provide that help. Whatever he needed for however long he needed. “I’m a terrible runner. My arms flail, and I do this weird thing where my legs kick out to the side. It’s comical, really.”
I could’ve sworn he let out the quietest huff of air, a semblance of a chuckle. “You’re a crazy bird.”
“I’myourcrazy bird.”
I felt him shift, and when I leaned away, he was looking right at me. The pain in his eyes was almost my undoing, but he needed me strong. There was plenty of time to fall apart once he’d recovered.
“I don’t deserve you.”
I rolled my eyes. “What is it Brits say for when someone says something ridiculous? That old chestnut?” His lips flickered up, and my heart skipped a beat. “Do you want me to call your mom?”
