His body stilled. In a flash, the heat between us vanished. His hands flexed once on my ass, then he lowered me to the floor. He didn’t step back, didn’t speak. He just looked at me like he was seeing a ghost.
“Joz?”
He blinked, then moved. One step followed by another, then another until there was a canyon between us. “Sorry, I… I can’t.”
My brow furrowed. “Wait. What happened? What did I say? Talk to me.”
But he was already at the door, pain swirling in his eyes. “I’m not worth it, Aspen.”
“Hang on.” I made a move, but something in his body language stopped me. He’d closed down, shut himself off. My touch would be unwelcome. “Youchasedme.You’re the one who’s done nothing but flirt since we met, and now I’ve given in, you’re what, done? Is it all in the chase for you? Is that it?”
He shook his head. “You don’t understand.”
“Then help me understand.”
Eyes haunted, jaw clenched, he gave another shake of his head. “You want destroyed? Stick around. I’ll show you what destroying someone looks like.”
Before I said another word, he charged through the door. By the time I lurched into the hallway, he’d vanished.
Chapter 14
Joz
Do not do it. DO NOT DO IT.
Cool autumn airhit me as I stumbled through the stage door and into the street. Drawing in a lungful of air, I fought to steady my breathing, one hand braced on the cool brick exterior of The Crimson Vault.
You’re going to destroy me.
Five words that hauled me back to a night I’ve done my damndest to forget. The meaning in them couldn’t have been further apart, but my brain didn’t know the difference. They weren’t exactly the last words Caroline uttered before I hung up on her, but they were close enough. A cool layer of sweat coated my body, and nausea churned in my stomach.
The door behind me clanged open, and I turned, expecting Aspen to have followed me, demanding answers I owed her but didn’t know how to begin explaining. Except it wasn’t her. I wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed that she’d let me walk out. Probably a little of both.
A yellow cab slowed to a stop right in front of me, and a young guy got out. He did a double take, but before he could engage brain to mouth, I threw myself into the cab and gave the driver my hotel address.
The driver didn’t seem eager to talk any more than I did, thank Christ. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the cool glass. Kissing Aspen had been everything I knew it would be, and if she hadn’t inadvertently triggered me, I’d probably have been balls deep in her already.
Caroline.
That woman would haunt me until my last days on Earth, and I deserved it. I deserved to live in purgatory. Because of me, her son lost his mother, and Caroline’s mother lost her only child.
That fear of wrecking another life was the reason I’d spent the last eight years sticking to casual hookups, but the second I’d kissed Aspen, I’d seen the future. She’d never be a casual hookup, which meant going down that road with her was a bad fucking idea. Funny how a simple kiss had woken me the fuck up to the dangerous path I’d set foot on the second I’d set my sights on her.
She deserved more than a broken, aging rocker who’d take her beauty and goodness and sully them.
The cab stopped in the drop-off area outside Kingcaid Midtown. I fumbled in my pocket and thrust a bunch of notes at him. Paying by credit card only alerted people to who I was, so I preferred cash wherever I could get away with it, which was proving more and more difficult in an ever-increasing cashless society—further evidence my time in the spotlight was rapidly coming to an end, and I was glad. I’d give my all these next three years, then I was out. There would be no two-year extension with Kingcaid Music. I knew that already, but allowing it as an option hurt no-one. Pushing that agenda too hard would have raisedquestions, and not even Mike knew I’d set an expiration date on this career.
I was so fucking tired.
Plenty of rockers were still going in their seventies, but the thought of that made me want to puke. I wantedmore.I wanteddifferent.I wanted to be a regular guy with a normal life who could go to the supermarket or take a walk by the river on a warm summer’s day without getting hassled.
Maybe I’d made a mistake signing another contract. After my last contract expired, and I’d refused to sign another with my previous label, I’d been free. Yet there’d been this niggling voice at the back of my mind that persuaded me I wasn’t done yet.
Signing with Aspen’s much smaller label had been the answer I’d sought. I was only having second thoughts because of Caroline, and my relationship with her had already ruined so much. I refused to bail on Aspen and destroy her, too.
Keep it professional. That was how I’d get through the next three years with what little was left of my sanity intact. Next time I saw Aspen, I’d apologize for pursuing her and leading her on, and tell her it wouldn’t happen again.
The air conditioner was on full blast when I walked into my hotel suite. I turned it down and flopped onto the couch, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw Aspen’s confusion, her hurt, the flash of anger when I’d backed away.
