Me: A real one. When my friend asks about you, no one seems to know you.
AmbrosiaMercer: I thought we agreed that your friend wouldn’t ask about me anymore. That he would forget me.
Me: He said he can’t do that.
AmbrosiaMercer: Bless his heart, he must be running on dial-up.
I laugh so loudly that everyone jumps. I look up at my family and grin. “She’s fucking funny, you guys.”
“Yay!” Charlotte says as Ashlyn gives me a look.
“Is she making fun of you?”
“Shh, fold paper,” I say, waving her off.
Me: I can’t with you.
AmbrosiaMercer: Yet you keep messaging me.
Me: Like my friend, I find you really interesting.
AmbrosiaMercer: I’m not. I’m just a girl trying to get through life.
Me: I hear that. So, again, do you have friends?
AmbrosiaMercer: Not that it matters, but no.
AmbrosiaMercer: Don’t feel bad for me, though, I have my mom and tía.
AmbrosiaMercer: It’s not a big deal
AmbrosiaMercer: I keep to myself, and I enjoy that. No one to disappoint me.
AmbrosiaMercer: Ugh, why can’t I unsend that? That sounded so depressing! I’m not a saddie, I promise. I’m just a homebody, and being friends means I have to go places and socialize.
AmbrosiaMercer: I don’t even know why I admitted that.
I don’t either, but I’m glad she did.
Me: Man, I thought I was your friend.
AmbrosiaMercer: No, you’re my number one fan.
Me: I am.
Me: Which, by the way, I love my hat, stickers, and shirt.
AmbrosiaMercer: Photo or you’re lying.
Me: Are you asking me for a dick pic?
AmbrosiaMercer: WTF. No one said anything about your dick, you loser.
Me: But I put the sticker on there.
AmbrosiaMercer: One, is adhesive good for penis skin? Not that I’m worried about your penis skin, but maybe you should be.
AmbrosiaMercer: And two, I mean, maybe I’ll get more women listeners when you pull out your cock for them. Make sure the sticker is upright and they can read the URL.
