“Of course.” He nods quickly and heads toward the kitchen.
See, this is the shit that bothers me. She’s helpful, but in this weirdly unhelpful way, like she doesn’t actually seeme.
Take my birthday. I wasn’t expecting a gift, but Chloe showed up with one anyway: a fancy Italian espresso machine. Gorgeous, expensive. And useless. I was pregnant. I’m not even the coffee person in this marriage, Matthew is. But if I point that out, suddenly I’m the ungrateful daughter-in-law. So, I smiled, and said thanks.
If she wants to spend her money to get us expensive shit, even ones I can’t use, I won’t say no.
Still, I decide to give her grace, just this once. It’s not like she can make my life worse.
Matthew
My phone buzzes just as I slide the omelette off the pan. I ignore it, grab the plate and utensils, and head to the sofa. Brooke’s already finished feeding.
I hover there awkwardly for a second, plate in hand, not sure where to fit myself in. She looks up and gives me that smile, the same one I fell in love with years ago. I set the plate on the table and carefully lift Penny from her arms. She’s warm, impossibly small. I bounce her gently while Brooke buttons up her shirt.
“Could you… remember after feeds, tap her back?” she says.
I nod quickly. “Of course. Here, I’m bouncing her so the food comes back up.”
She smiles at me indulgently, like I’m a kid playing house. “It’s okay, it’s my first time raising a baby too.”
I let out a self-depreciating laugh. “Yeah, but you still got it.” The words taste bitter. I shake my head. “Sorry. You don’t need to hear about my incompetence.”
Brooke shifts the plate onto her lap and looks at me carefully. “Is everything okay?”
For a second, I almost tell her. I almost let the worry spill out. But then I swallow it back down. Not now.
“I’m just…” I hesitate, then shake my head. “I shouldn’t have skipped all those baby classes, I guess.”
Brooke doesn’t say anything right away, just keeps watching me, like she knows there’s more I’m not admitting. I clear my throat and nod toward her plate. “Eat that before it gets cold.”
She finally nods and turns her attention to the omelette. I keep gently patting Penny’s back the way the nurse showed us until, miraculously, she lets out a burp louder than her tiny body should be capable of.
I cradle her back into my arms, her curious eyes wide and locked on my face. My chest tightens. In a soft, exaggerated voice I say, “Do you know who I am? I’m Daddy.”
She just stares at me, solemn, like the serious old soul she is. “Right,” I mutter.
On cue, she lets out a wail.
“What’s wrong? I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I say quickly, rocking her in awkward little bounces. My feeble attempts do nothing, her cries only sharpen.
“Maybe she needs her diaper changed,” Brooke offers gently.
I freeze, then laugh too high, too thin. “Of course. You literally just told me.” I stand there, useless, Penny still howling in my arms.
“Do you need me to-?” Brooke starts.
I shake my head. “No, I got it.” I move to set Penny down on the sofa cushion, then hesitate. Changing a dirty diaper two inches away from my wife eating, doesn’t seem like a great plan. “I’ll, uh… take her to the nursery,” I say instead, and hurry down the hall.
I push open the nursery door and lay Penny on the changing table. Honestly, I’m pretty sure this was a closet before the landlord slapped on a ‘second bedroom’ label on it.
I shake my head. Brooke deserves a house. Penny deserves a house. When I asked her to marry me, I promised I’d give her thebest life. And look at us now, crammed into an apartment with peeling walls and no elevator. Watching Brooke wince her way up three flights of stairs after the hospital made me feel like the biggest incompetent fool alive.
I force the thought down and focus on Penny. Diaper off, wipe front to back, at least I remember that rule. She doesn’t cry, just watches me.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I whisper, fastening the fresh diaper. “Your dad’s not very good at this. But I promise, I’ll never stop trying. Okay? Okay.”
Her sleepy eyes flutter as if she believes me. I scoop her up, press my cheek to her soft head, then lay her gently in the crib. I rub her tiny belly until she drifts toward sleep.
