“What time is it? I’ve got to get down to the shop.”
Hannah glanced at her phone. “It’s a quarter till eight.”
“Shit, I’ve got to hop in the shower.”
“No problem, I have to get to work too.” Hannah couldn’t help but seek praise. “Last night was pretty great, right?”
Kate held on to her sheet with one hand and used the other to cup Hannah’s cheek. “It was amazing. You were spectacular.”
Hannah felt her face flush. “I–I was so nervous. I’ve never done that before.”
Kate froze, and Hannah’s heart dropped into her feet. Did she just fuck everything up?
Hannah held her breath, waiting for Kate to say something, anything.
“I didn’t realize…you, ah…” Kate stumbled.
Pinpricks behind Hannah’s eyes made her blink fast. She would not cry right now. Hannah cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, I guess I should have told you. You’re my first.”
“You’re first,” Kat said flatly. She moved around Hannah and roughly pulled open a dresser drawer, ripped out a folded pair of jeans, and then a T-shirt with her store’s name on it.
Hannah was trying not to cry. She’d been so stupid not to have said anything sooner. She should have told Kate the first night they’d gotten together. And then she thought, why did it matter?
“Yes, I’ve only been in relationships and had sex with men.”
Kate’s lips flattened, and she nodded her head slowly. Hannah watched as Kate squeezed her clothes so tight her knuckles turned white. But Hannah felt the need to keep talking and explain herself. “Not that I need to explain myself to you, but I was in a terrible relationship for years, and when I finally got out, it took me a long time to sort out who I was and what I wanted.”
“What do you want?”
“I want a relationship with you.” Hannah hugged herself, afraid to reach out to Kate.
Kate rolled her head on her shoulders. “This is a lot to think about before coffee, and you need to go home and get ready for work. Let’s talk later.”
Hannah’s heart hurt. She didn’t know if she believed they would talk later. But if her lack of sapphic experience was a problem for Kate, then it would be Kate’s loss. Still, she hoped Kate wasn’t about to ghost her. They were both going to have spots at the Mistletoe Market from Black Fridaythrough Christmas Eve, and she didn’t want to spend the entire Christmas season watching Kate from afar.
The blaring alarm on her cell phone interrupted Hannah’s train of thought. “It’s eight, I’ve got to go,” she said. Her feet were stuck to the floor. Should she try to kiss Kate goodbye? Give her a hug? Maybe a handshake? As if Kate could read her mind, Kate reached out. Hannah grit her teeth, if this woman shook her hand…
Kate took Hannah’s hand and brought it to her mouth. She placed a soft kiss on the back of Hannah’s hand. Relief flooded Hannah, and she was finally unstuck. Perhaps it was going to be okay.
“C-call me later–if you want, I mean I’ll be home after work.”
Kate smiled, and Hannah thought it looked awfully wistful. She didn’t really like that, but at least now all the cards were on the table. Cards. She really needed to get to work, and later she could ask Zaina to give her a reading.
“We’ll see. I might be so exhausted after I close the shop that I collapse in bed.”
Hannah’s chest tightened again. “We were up really late. That tracks.”
“You’ve got to run.”
“I do. Talk to you soon?” Hannah winced at the pleading note in her voice.
“Sure,” Kate said.
Hannah walked to the front door where her purse and shoes were next to the doormat and put them on. She’d been hoping Kate would walk her to the door, but that didn’t happen.
Hannah rushed into work at two minutes to nine. A long hot shower and a big cup of coffee had helped her mood. She couldn’t make Kate date her, and that was okay. It sounded absurd, but if they never kissed again, if they could be friends, she’d be happy. Or at least that was the story she was tellingherself today. Any way she looked at it, even if things with Kate were over, she was still in a better place in life than she’d ever been before. So what if it was just her and Smoky? She had a job. She was on her way to being an amazing tarot reader, she was an auntie, and she had control over her own money. What more did she need? Marley Creek could be her family.
The herbal craft class went fast, and soon it was time for lunch. The afternoon lull was hitting hard, so Hannah pulled out her cards. Over the last year, the cards had become a calming ritual for her. She focused on shuffling them, and how the cards felt in her hands and the sound they made as they snapped and slid past each other. It was hard to keep Kate from popping up in her mind, so she lit her favorite in-store candle. It was called Apple Pie Excellence. She closed her eyes and went back to shuffling.
