NICOLE
Nicole woke up on Saturday morning and turned on her October playlist. She opened up the bin of Halloween decorations and began decorating. So many of the decorations were from fun times she’d had with Devin and Zaina. She put out her witchy mugs and the plug-in cauldron that was an oil warmer and soon her little home smelled and looked like the season. The weight of the last week had lifted, and she swore if she weighed herself, she’d weigh ten pounds less.
Once she had her home just the way she wanted it, she sat down with a cup of pumpkin spice flavored coffee and her journal. She thought better when she wrote things out. She took her favorite pen and began figuring out what to text Sean. She briefly thought about calling him, but she was afraid the words would get stuck in her throat.
An hour later the coffee was long gone, and she’d written and crossed out three pages of texts to send to Sean. Maybeshe should just call him? Her throat started to close; no she definitely needed to text him. She crumpled up the papers and threw them into the recycling bin. It was a beautiful sunny, mid-October day and she decided to try going for a walk and then she’d tackle that text.
She put on her favorite pair of sneakers and threw on a sweatshirt and headed out the door. She began walking down her block. She took a deep breath and could smell fall in the air. Leaves were crunching under her feet as she walked, and she relished the wind as it pushed her hair back. Sunlight filtered through the maple trees that lined the block, and as the breeze blew, golden leaves fell to the ground like the first snow.
She practiced being in the moment and enjoying the world around her. Nicole walked with her head up and her shoulders straight, making eye contact with people she passed. She even said hello and smiled at a few people. This was her place, and this was her time. Nicole turned the corner back on to her street and admired her house from afar. If all went well, Sean could help her with the outside decorations. If he had time, he could even help her give out candy to the trick-or-treaters after school. She pictured Sean and herself sitting at the small bistro table she had placed on the small patio next to her door.
For the first time in a very long time, daydreaming about a future didn’t make her sad or anxious. Joy bubbled up inside her. Was she finally going to follow through on her promise to herself and let go of worrying about whether cancer would come back one day? Even as she let that tiny hope get a foothold in her brain, she knew, even with Sean at her side, there would be days where the fears would win out and she’d be afraid to allow herself to be happy. But what would life with Sean and her be like? Could she see that possibility becoming a reality?
She strolled up to her front door and decided to sit on the patio and practice some Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)for the first time in months. She’d learned the technique for anxiety reduction by taking a class at the Marley Creek Library. When she felt centered, she picked up her phone and texted Sean.Whooshwent the text, and now she would wait and see if he responded.
When she thought back to their time together, she honestly wasn’t sure if he would reply to her text. Would she? Perhaps? The worry that he might not reply or want to see her again couldn’t overcome her pride at managing to put herself out there. She told herself that even if he didn’t want to see her again, that was okay too. The point was that she was scared, but she did it anyway. She could hold her head high and if she happened to run into him somewhere in town, she’d smile and say hello.Maybe they could even be friends,she told herself. Her stomach flip-flopped in response. Well maybe not friends, but she would certainly be cordial and try not to think about Sean with his shirt off.
She kept herself busy throughout the afternoon. For dinner she decided it was a good day to make vegetable soup and fresh bread. She went online and found a no-knead bread recipe she could make in her Dutch oven and while the bread was rising; she rummaged through her fridge and cabinets for vegetables for her soup. She had plenty of celery, carrots and onions to start with and then she had a bag of frozen cauliflower, peas and she found a can of corn in her cabinet.
Soon the soup was simmering on the stove. She put the soup on low and placed the bread in the oven. She set a timer and sat on her couch. She bit her lip. Time was passing like molasses, and she needed to stop checking her phone. She’d been starving when she’d started cooking, but now that everything was put together she had time to think about Sean and now she wasn’t hungry at all.
It had only been a couple hours since she sent her text. She double-checked her phone, just to make sure she had sent the text. She had, and it said delivered. He was probably busy at the restaurant. She ran a hand through her hair and twisted the ends between her fingers. Why she’d thought he’d reply quickly to her text was beyond her. Maybe he didn’t look at his phone until he was done working for the day.
She scrolled up to Zaina’s contact information in her phone and dialed her number.
The phone rang four times and then went to voice mail. Nicole hung up. Zaina was probably busy with a customer. Finally, the timer went off. Her soup and bread were done. She ladled herself a bowl, glad that her appetite had returned at the sight of the colorful soup and the freshly baked bread. She pulled off a hunk of bread and spread butter on it. The butter quickly melted, and she took a big bite. “Yum,” she said and then she sat down with her dinner and turned on the TV to see if there were any good movies to watch.
She finished her food and laid down to continue watching TV. The fresh air and the hearty meal made her eyes droopy and soon she decided she would treat herself to a little late afternoon nap. She knew that would make it tough to fall asleep later, but she couldn’t keep her eyes open. She woke up two hours later.Well, that definitely was going to make it tough to sleep tonight.
She stretched, reaching up to the sky, then down to touch her toes, then she plopped back down on the couch and rubbed her temples. How was it only seven? This day had gone on for at least a decade. She needed to find something to do to pass the time.
Her phone buzzed and she grabbed it like a drowning man grabbing an oar. Zaina’s face flashed on the screen. Her heartbeat ratcheted down and she swiped to take the call.
“Hey, Zaina,” Nicole said.
“Hi, Nic. I saw you called. What’s up?”
“Are you busy at the shop? I don’t want to keep you from customers.”
“No, I’m upstairs. I close at six on Saturday.”
“Okay great.” Nicole felt suddenly nervous.
“What’s going on?”
“You didn’t see my text in the group chat?”
“The shop was surprisingly busy today. I just saw the missed call and called you back.” Zaina stifled a yawn.
“I sent Sean a text,” Nicole said shyly.
“You didn’t!”
“Yep, I did.” Her voice sounded stronger now.
“What did you say?”
“Just that I was sorry and could we get together and talk.”
