Then Ryan’s standing right in front of me, his hands on the wall on either side of my head, caging me in with his body. He stares down at me with an emotion in his eyes that I’ve never seen before.
“You want me to say I care?” he hisses. “Fine. I do. So it’s time to make a choice, Pips. Him, or me.”
You.
All I have to do is say one word, and I’ll have the only man I want kissing me at midnight.
But that’s all I’ll have. Ryan already told me, this is just sex. Saying he cares is a far cry from what I actually need—someone I can plan a future with. Someone I can make a life with, like Cat and Nate. Someone who isn’t afraid to have a real relationship with me.
Ryan’s head dips closer, and I can smell the whiskey on his breath. His heated gaze drops to my lips, and I hate how desperate I am for him to kiss me. I know how good it would feel. For a few amazing minutes, every thought in my head would be gone, consumed by his touch.
I can’t. Ryan still hasn’t given me what I want—he can’t.
“I choose myself, Ryan,” I whisper, a few hot tears dripping down my cheeks. “Because someone has to.”
My traitor eyes go to his beautiful lips. Maybe I could let myself have just one more taste of him. A goodbye. I tilt my chin up, waiting for him to press his lips to mine.
Instead, he steps back, his eyes almost black. “Don’t waste your midnight kiss on me, Pips. Your date is waiting.”
“So what, you’ll just go kiss one of those models from the party, then?”
He scoffs. “As if I could even consider touching one of those women after I’ve felt what it’s like to haveyou.”
It should be a compliment, but the way he says it is cold and cutting, because between the lines is an accusation. He may not be able to touch another woman, but I can certainly go in there and kiss Jacob at the midnight bells.
“I don’t get you, Ryan. What do youwant?”
He drops his gaze to the floor, and his eyes darken. “It’s funny,” he says, even though he’s definitely notlaughing. “I joke that I want to ruin you for any other man, but you, Pippa Murphy, have alreadydestroyedme.”
My mouth falls open.God, I just want to shake him.
“No, Ryan. You’re doing this to yourself.”
I can’t be here with him for another second. I’ll break, and there won’t be anyone to pick up the pieces. So I spin on my heel and storm down the hallway back to the party.
Where I almost run right into James’s broad chest. I blink up at him, confused. When did he get here? How much did he just hear?
“Pippa,” Cat says, right behind him. “I was looking for you, and James thought he saw you come this way…”
She knows. Whether she overheard us or just guessed, Cat knows something happened with me and Ryan. I can see it written all over her face. She never was good at hiding her emotions.
Heat burns in my cheeks. I can’t face her judgment, not now.
I push past them both and run away from the mess that’s my life. It takes precious moments to collect my coat from the attendant at the front, but then I’m outside and the air is cold and crisp and it takes some of the sting out of my eyes.
“Pippa?”
Oh god, not now…
Jacob’s quick tapping footfalls sound behind me, chasing me up the street. “I saw you leaving. Is everything alright?”
When I turn around to face him, he does a double take at the expression on my face and I can only imagine how horrible I must look.
“Pippa?”
All I want is to run away from here, fromhim, and keep running, but this man has been nothing but incredible to me and I owe him this.
The music is a dull thumb behind the glass of James’s building as Jacob stuffs his hands in his pockets, studying me like I’m a piece of data that stopped making sense.
