Please stop narrating my life like a Belladona feature.
Cat
We’ll stop the second you stop pretending you don’t want to climb him like a Christmas tree and have his babies.
I snort and wipe the dampness from my eyes.
Brinley
I think you should watch this video. It was filmed right before Ryan came by the Copper Cup to get you some croissants and the books you had on hold. I can tell, because he had that bird poop on him. I wasn’t sure if I should send it to you before, but now I know you’re ready to hear it.
Icy guilt slithers down my spine. If Ryan was getting me books, it must have been before he found out I was gone. So while I was busy sneaking out of his apartment, Ryan was fetching me books and pastries. I wince.
Cat
Brinley
He also said a few things about your relationship that you should probably hear from him. Look, I wasn’t sure what to think of you guys as a couple at first—but now I think you might have really changed him.
My brow furrows. I don’t remember Brinley ever offering an opinion about my relationship with Ryan, but in general, she’s someone whose judgment I trust. With uncertainty, I open the video to see Ryan standing on the street with a microphone shoved in his face.
Even covered in bird poop, Ryan looks so handsome that my chest aches. It’s only been a day, but I miss him enough that it hurts. He’s squinting against the sun, answering some questions about poker and joking with the interviewer. Charm drips fromhis pores, effortless and natural. I don’t even focus on what he’s saying until I hear the word “stepsister.”
Shit, they’re asking him about me.
I drag the circle on the video bar back a few seconds so I can hear it.
“Something came up, and I had to cancel. Family stuff,” Ryan says.
“Anything to do with your stepsister?”
I can practically see the shield going up in Ryan’s eyes, an invisible barrier against an attack. It’s the same way he looks playing a tough poker opponent. “Isn’t the Toronto Tea your competitor, Marina? I’m surprised you’re giving their garbage article any air.”
I swallow around the lump in my throat. Of course—he’s denying it. At least this time, he wasn’t so vicious about it, but it’s more proof that nothing has changed. I’m still not someone Ryan takes seriously enough to acknowledge.
They move on to talking about poker again, and I wonder if that’s all I was supposed to see. Until the woman interviewing Ryan says, “Well, then what are you scared of?”
“Losing her.”
The second Ryan says it, his expression shifts. He looks surprised, almost like somebody else just answered the question. Just as quickly, his lips firm into the crooked smile I know so well. The kind he has on right before he plays a winning hand.
“There’s only one woman I’ve ever loved, and the thought of losing her is fucking terrifying.”
I pause the video again, because my heart’s beating so fast that it scares me. Does he mean me? An insecure little voice in my head screams that he must be talking about some other woman. But how could he be, just days after we had thatkiss?
Biting my lip, I press play to hear the rest of it.
“Not having her around to check me when I’m being annoying, or kick my ass in poker, or mess up my Sequel algorithm by watchingThe Vampire Diariesover and over.Losing her would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me.”
He means me. The person he’s describing, the one he loves, is obviously, definitely, undeniably me.
The room feels like it’s full of too much oxygen. I feel giddy, like I want to jump up and down and run in circles.
But the video’s not done yet. “Losingwho?” Marina asks.
Ryan stares at the camera and I swear, he’s looking right at me. “She knows who she is. As for the rest of you…well, you can probably figure it out. It’s probably pretty fucking obvious.”
He winks and walks away. The camera follows him for a second before the interviewer turns it back on herself.
